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Ever had or seen a successful polyamorous relationship?


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#21
dzgngirl

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well, i've been dating a man seriously for almost a year now. we're deeply dedicated and love each other a lot, but because of a job i've moved to the west coast (and he remains on the east coast until the beginning of next year). he knew that i'd had desires to be with a woman for a while and i'm trying it out. i've found an awesome lady who i love to hang out with and find incredibly hot ;) anyway, it's shown to be pretty difficult. my boyfriend supports me a lot, because h knows how badly i want to be with her... but it is important for him to be "part" of our relationship. it's hard because i'm not sure she feels the same way.

so, you can see, this is not easy at all. hah. but it seems to be pretty rewarding for me. moving out west alone was incredibly lonely and she's totally filled a lot of my emptiness here. i wouldn't give it up for anything. i just hope i can figure how to make it all work.

has anyone tried a threesome with their two lovers? successfully? i've found it very hard to ask them to do this as a favor to me? any tips??

btw, i just want to say that i love this forum. all of you are so insightful and lovely :)

#22
sterlingsweet

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I and my lover participate in the lifestyle and have discussed of possibly of in the future adding another woman into our relationship.

I would say that poly relationships can and do work. I think also though, that the primary relationship has to be very solid, open, loving, trusting and secure with-in itself first.

I think that all particiapants should discuss openly how everyone desires this to work and what boundaries will be expected and also what freedoms will be alright. And then those area's once defined need to be respected. The communication needs to be open between all 3 individuals and no secrets between any two.

Where I do have doubt's that poly will work is when one person of a couple goes outside the relationship, then in my opinion it is not a poly relationship because one individual remains monogamous to one.
Also in my very humble opinon, I don't find the "friends with benefits"(geeze I hate that term and I would never want to be considered as such!) workout, someone usually falls in love and the cooperation of the people outside, as opposed to the one in the middle reaping all the "benefits" one or the other will begin feeling the odd one out and eventually get out :lol: .

Just some of my thoughts....


~Sterling
Sending Peace Out...~Sterling

#23
Angelpdx

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I'm currently involved in several poly relationships. My other partners all have primary partners who they were with when I met them. I love them all. They are wonderful women. I get along with their partners and we all get together periodically for brunch, my partners and theirs.

I think the only thing that prevent a poly relationship from working is communication or rather, lack of it. My partners and I all communicate well. I know their partners and periodically get together with each of them to make sure there is nothing between us that needs to be worked out.

Currently I think I've hit the limit of secondary relationships, meaning that I don't want my life so full of secondary partners that there isn't room for a primary relationship. So I'm seeking a primary right now. My other partners are incredibly supportive in this because they know that when I am home alone several nights of the week, I miss having a parter who shares my life and my home and helps me weed the garden or shares holidays. Yes, I could do these things with secondarys, and sometimes do, but it isn't the same as having one who is a primary focus whom you share major decisions with.

#24
dizzyspells

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This has been a big issue for me lately...
I am primarily attracted to women, if a girl is hot, I'm going to notice her. But with guys...I don't even realize they exist as anything beyond a friend unless their personality is attractive and I connect with them on a very deep level. I fall in love for who they are, their gender is doesn't factor into the emotional aspect. There have been maybe two guys in my life I've felt that way about, and hooked up with, though I've never slept with a man.

My problem now is that there is a guy in my life now who I am starting to have feelings for, but....I don't know if I could ever be satisfied in a monogamous relationship with a man. Even if I loved him incredibly, 80% of what defines me emotionally and sexually would just be missing from my life.

If something were to happen with him, I'm sure it would great, but I would feel pretty awful telling him that a monogamous relationship would be impossible. I wish that I could be happy in a monogamous relationship with a man, but i can't see it. And I don't know if I am cut out for polygamy.

I suppose I just have to try it to find out if it can work.

It is nice to hear other women sharing the same concerns, and discussing polygamy in general. Several of my friends are dealing with this issue as well. Love is a crazy thing.
If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn.

Charlie Parker

#25
hawaiibound

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I'm 56 and when younger and trying to be a heterosexual to please everyone else but me, I dated a lot of men and never settled down with just one for very long (a couple of months), then I had an 18 month relationship with a married man and a woman friend that helped me be the lesbian I am. For many years now, I've been a serial monogamist with women partners. I have decided for the rest of my years to have open relationships, no live ins, just sleepovers like the teen years. All too often, the uhaul on the second date is a reality. One woman I dated on the off time of an on again off again relationship told me in uncertain terms that she didn't share after our third date. After our fourth date, I ended it because she wanted to be exclusive way too soon and I realized that this wasn't going to work for me.

I just spoke with a friend this morning about this very subject and I told her that I might not have anyone because of what I want, but that's fine with me too.

I only want to be involved with women who sleep with other women exclusively.

#26
StormyKnight

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[quote name="hawaiibound"]... I have decided for the rest of my years to have open relationships, no live ins, just sleepovers like the teen years. All too often, the uhaul on the second date is a reality.

I agree with you 100%. No one person can fulfill all your needs. I am in a committed, live-in relationship (35 years), but wouldn't have anything but an open one. At this point in my life, I also would not have a live-in if something happened to my partner.

I have a submissive relationship of 7 years and am looking at bring poly into our BdSm arena. That would be the three of us plus my VERY vanilla partner who comes first.

I only want to be involved with women who sleep with other women exclusively.

This brings up an interesting question for me. Since I am involved in BdSm, but only "play" with lesbians and forcus on sexual D/s, what do others of you do in terms of "safer sex"? In the poly world, "Condom (their word, not mine)Commitment" is an agreement to confine exchange of bodily fluids and barrier-free sex to a closed group whose members have been screened for sexually transmitted diseases. A.k.a. safe-sex circle. Now, in my D/s activity, I will not get involved with anyone until they have gotten checked of STDs of all types and can produce the written results. I do the same for them. The relationship then becomes closed as long as they are involved with me.
I'd be interested in how lesbians in general (non-BdSm, non-poly) handle getting involved sexually given that you are sleeping with every person that woman ever slept with prior to you.


#27
hawaiibound

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Since I'm not limiting myself or expecting my partners to limit themselves, I choose barrier sex play. As a 56 yr old woman who became sexually mature during the Free Love era (and survived sans STDs) I am now sorry that one must be so watchful regarding STDs, but I don't want to get one. Anyone who doesn't want to play safe I'll not play with. That said, if in the future I decide to be exclusive with someone(s) like your closed circle, then I'll have to revisit my barrier only decision again. I also have some trust issues in general and in particular about sex partners telling the truth about their status. Do you all test regularly and share the results?

Thanks!

#28
StormyKnight

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[quote name="hawaiibound"] ... Anyone who doesn't want to play safe I'll not play with.

Very wise decision.

... I also have some trust issues in general and in particular about sex partners telling the truth about their status.

That is also wise. It amazes me the number of lesbians that think being only with women somehow makes them immune to STDs. http://depts.washington.edu/wswstd/index.html

Do you all test regularly and share the results?

After the initial testing, HIV is repeated in 6 months and only after a second negative is non barrier sex allowed. Given the strictness of my criteria, most are VERY serious about getting involved and are proven trustworthy.
Mistress Stormy

#29
xrayspec

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Since I was 19 and my first open love, I knew there was a possibility she would end up cheating on me. She had done with all her previous partners (mostly men)
So from the outset I said that I didn't mind what she needed to fullfil, aslong as she was honest. I'm not the type of person to go off with somone else but I recognised she was and I never thought it was right that you can stil 2 people together and expect them to behave a certain way cus most people do.
Anywho... we had 2 happy years until a month towards the end, I realised she was sleeping with somone else, asked her and she lied. If she had been honest things would be different. But she lied. So we broke up.
The issue wasn't the other person it was the lie. She knew she could of been honest but she used the excuse that it was degrading for me to accept that she could sleep with others, which i do still disagree with.
I've also been in a relationship with a married women, where the guy, not happy, new and it was just never discussed.
We started out as friends... went through intense moments, but we're all open minded and now its finished and they are still happily married.

I don't think I would ever be with somone and desire somone else, but I never say never and I don't see why not. It would solve fucking up a lot of peoples lives if it wasn't so built into society that you have to live by manogamy and marriage.

#30
Rei

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I once met a woman who had this going on for her. She had two men and I think three or four women, and except for one or two of the women, all of them were in on it. They even lived together! Yikes!

But that's the only success story I've ever heard of polyamory. Every other tale seems to end in disaster!





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