I love that we are talking about this; when I first started searching for love prospects on AOL years ago, I was always asked: Are you butch or femme?
It really turned me off, I guess because I didn't have a definite answer, and I wanted to say: How about getting to know me a little before asking such a personal question? OK I'm just myself. That's what I usually tell people. I don't know. Today I may have to change out my broken trash disposer (a butch thing to do?) and tomw I may be seeing a woman I like, who appreciates my eye shadow (femme)
I am in the same boat as you, BauboBBW. I enjoyed your various descriptions. I can relate entirely.
When I was younger, I probably exhibited more femme qualities, but now that I'm older and more independent, and strong, I feel more at home in men's clothes and men's shoes. But I still wear my hair long, and I know how to turn on the fem charm, if I have to be a little assertive, then I don't worry ....does this appear butch to other people? Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!
I know I like feminine women. I do know some whose personalities are very strong. Does that make them butch? No. I think it's more about how you're perceived. To be a whole person, we just need to embrace all that we are, and nothing is set in stone. Cut your hair if you want to. So what?
No one has ever called me a butch or dyke to my face. Does this mean people think I'm femme? Maybe, until open my mouth and start talking like I know what I'm talking about. Or until they see me walking.
Anyway, thank you for being honest, everyone. This really helps me. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin, and not try to fit into someone's cookie cutter description, just to have a girlfriend. Anyway, it's all good, and being one or the other, or both at the same time, is all a gift, that we give to each other.