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Signs, Signs Everywhere Signs...


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#1
nicolevf

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So I am identified as "Bisexual". Those who know me, understand that I dislike labels but, we humans just "need" to catergorise, so here I am "Bisexual".

A couple of people responded by asking me "So, what you're not fussy huh?" And in truth, no I'm not. I love women and men. Do I have a preference? Sexually I prefer women.

Once I had a close friend over for dinner. We got into the discussion of homosexuality. (She is not aware of my preferences btw). And suddenly she came out with "...but those bisexuals, I hate them". Admittedly I was taken aback just a little, a moment of pause struck me like a rabbit in headlights. Here is a woman that I have known for about 4 years, we met at my old job. We have shared stories of our lives and spent a great deal of time just laughing and talking like women do. On several occasions she has said "I love you, you mean the world to me"...and in that one brief conversation, she said she hated me. Once the initial shock was over I asked why. She answered "Because they can't make up their mind, jumping from men to women, it's disgusting. But gay's I'm fine with". I asked "How does it effect you?"...she answered "It doesn't, I just hate them cause it's wrong". I knew she was always a little naive about some stuff, but to hear such ignorant words come from her mouth shocked me.

Well, of course I didn't want to ruin her evening so I wasn't about to "out" myself to her. She met me while I was with my male partner and I have met a woman since, but it didn't work between us, so I just don't talk about it unless I'm talking to very close family or friends.

I know myself as a woman who has not limited myself to one gender. I know me as I Am. I could choose not to like women in an intimate way, but why deny that part of me? Why should anyone deny themselves who they are?

If I meet a wonderful man who I can love, so be it. And the same if I meet a wonderful woman. It's not about "jumping from one to the other", it's not about "not making up my mind". It just Is. A partner need not feel threatened that I will suddenly decide I want the opposite gender instead, I don't work that way. That doesn't serve me well. Who I am with, I am with and I don't stray.

So, to cut a long story short. I'm labelled "Bi" and if others do not like it, it's their choice, they labelled me that, so they can live with it.

I am Nicole. That's all I know.

#2
dandy_lionness

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Good for you Nicole! I am shocked that a straight woman would say what much of the gay community feels. It's bad enough that bisexuals are often left out, if not outright bashed by gays, but to hear that someone straight thinks it's "wrong" - whoa!

I went to a meeting for lesbians and bis the other day and this woman actually felt the need to apologize for being married. What she was apologizing for was, in fact, her bisexuality. What the heck for?! It's so sad that bis are often afraid to come out because of the reactions they might get.

I don't consider myself bi - I call myself queer (or pomosexual if you like). I've dated men for most of my life despite preferring women. What I now know (after years of battling with myself) is that I do find men attractive, I'm just not attracted TO them. With VERY few exceptions. I sure am attracted to women though. I've been afraid to admit to lesbians that I've been with men, simply because that might exclude me from their club. Sometimes it's like a little girls' club in elementary school. One of these things just doesn't belong.

We need labels. (Otherwise we might buy OJ instead of milk). But seriously, we couldn't live life without ANY forms of identity. A name is a label. "This is my sister" is a means of identification. But when it gets to the point that we pigeon hole a group just because of one aspect of who they are, that's when things have gotten out of hand. It's like saying "All sisters are wrong" or "milk is bad" (unless you're lactose intolerant, then I might understand :wink: ).

That's Dandy :roll:
What do you mean there's nothing in my Cracker Jack box?

#3
nicolevf

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Hi dandy :)

It's a strange world we live in huh? I know that there are some Lesbians out there that disagree with Bisexuality. They fight, march the streets to be accepted, yet not all accept others. It's so silly.

I dated a lesbian for a short period. She often got upset when I discussed my ex, who was male. She did not like the thought of me having sex with a man. We only dated for about a month, but remain friends. At Christmas, she got pregnant. Well, I questioned her and she said "but I was drunk". She who gave me a hard time, who acted so true to her sexuality, jumped the fence in a drunkard state. But that's okay because she was drunk. Puh-leaseeee, spare me the bullshit.

The bottom line is, we do not have to pretend to be anyone to impress ourselves or anyone else for that matter. We are, simply who we are. I don't lie about it, I don't bag anyone, I accept people for Who they are, not What they are. I know that labels are necessary in our society because God knows it would be too much to just "Be". The only reason we look for indentification is so we can file them. It's not necessary.

We think we will sleep better at night if we have everything and everyone filed as they "should" be. Anything and everything is possible. Why limit oneself to one thing? God gave us Free Will without conditions. But somewhere along the line we created limitations and conditions to ourselves, to others.

I really should have been born in the 50's I think. I would have gone to Woodstock and run free with the hippies. Hahahahahaha!

I'm going to hug a tree.....

speak soon dandy

Love Nicole

#4
pagangoddess26

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Nicole, you have a very mature out look. You do too Dandy. Awesome. And I gave a little gasp when you said, Dandy, that you are attracted to men, but you aren't attracted TO men. LOL *sigh* i sort of feel that way some times. I'm attracted to men, but . . . I don't foresee myself as being with a man. I don't know why that is . . . and I've only been with one woman . . . well, we only dated then I broke up with her because i was confused . . . I've never been with either a man or a woman "in that way." LMAO Anyway . . . I like the way the two of you think.
I also wanted to ask, you Nicole, if you ever have come out to your friend who was bashing bisexuals. She sort of needs to be set straight in that regard.
Yours,
CelticKnot28
~Never discuss politics or religion with friends or family because opinions are like assholes-- everyone has one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks.~

#5
dandy_lionness

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Quote

At Christmas, she got pregnant.

That's nuts! There's nothing wrong with being who you are, "faults" and all (if liking a man is a fault?!?!). But denial? Hmm...

Quote

And I gave a little gasp when you said, Dandy, that you are attracted to men, but you aren't attracted TO men.

Actually, what I said was that I find men attractive but I'm not attracted TO them. In other words, I can look at a guy and have an opinion "He's cute", "Nice butt", but there are very, very few men that physically attract me to them. Simply put - I don't want to be physical with men.

My best friend is exactly the same way, but with women. She is straight but can easily say she finds a woman attractive. Doesn't mean she wants to sleep with her.

I hope you find someone that floats your boat and you have explosive, mindblowing sex. HAHA!

Oh, and Raven, welcome to the forum. (You'll have to earn the "goddess" LOL).

That's Dandy :roll:
What do you mean there's nothing in my Cracker Jack box?

#6
pagangoddess26

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I didn't mean to sound like I was bashing you or I was shocked that you think men are cute but would prefer women . . . I was trying to say that I feel the same as you. I find men attractive but I get really turned on looking at women. :oops: :D LOL I'm sorry if I made my email confusing. I think I was thinking faster than I could type last night. :D
Aaaan, I think I've earned 'Goddess' but I guess I'll have to prove that here to the forum. Thank you for the welcome too. :D
Yours,
CelticKnot28
~Never discuss politics or religion with friends or family because opinions are like assholes-- everyone has one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks.~

#7
nicolevf

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Pagan, Dandy :wink: How's it going?

Yeah, denial is not good. Understandable for a short amount of time, but soon enough you realise it does not serve you well to choose denial of yourself. There's only so much your soul can take before it pushes you out there.

I haven't set her straight Pagan. It's a hard one. I don't see her often enough really but we call and email. My feeling now is that if we slowly drift apart, so be it. I told her I did not like her comments, but did not "out" myself to her. One day I'll just show up at a gathering with a girl on my arm LMAO! I'll then see if I still get the big hug and kiss as normal.

Nic xx

#8
dandy_lionness

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Quote

I didn't mean to sound like I was bashing you or I was shocked that you think men are cute but would prefer women . . .

Nope, not at all. I wasn't upset, I just thought you might not have understood what I meant, so I was clarifying. Glad we're both on the same page... women are scrumptious :wink:

Looking forward to discovering why you're a goddess. LOL


That's Dandy :roll:
What do you mean there's nothing in my Cracker Jack box?

#9
pagangoddess26

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And I'm looking forward to showing you why I'm a goddess. hee hee hee
I'm glad that no offense was taken.
How are things anyway. I"m sorry it has taken me so long to reply back here. It seems a lot of you ladies are on holiday or something.
I was trying to post a picture for my forum picture but it was too big. I need to get something that I saved on my parents pc. It was a picture of me that I cropped and saved. *sigh* However, we are not on speaking terms so I'm going to have to keep you all in suspense of what I look like. LOL
Yours
CelticKnot28
~Never discuss politics or religion with friends or family because opinions are like assholes-- everyone has one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks.~

#10
melissah

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I figured I'd chime in, being bisexual and all.

Despite the fact we are 'connected' with both the homosexual and hetrosexual communities (that is, we like what 'you' like and we like what 'they' like), bisexuals do tend to get a bit of a bad wrap, especially young bisexuals like myself.

I'm 19. According to most people I've spoken to, I'll "get over it". This comes from both straight people and lesbians; they are of the opinion that one day I'll settle on men or women, that bisexuality is a period of transition between hetrosexuality and homosexual or, worse, that it is simply a curious phase.

Know the worst thing? I came out when I was 16 - told my friends, my family. Maybe it was a little premature (most of my female friends confided that they were having the same feelings as me, so I guess being sexually confused isn't a rare thing) but in the end, it was signed, sealed and delivered, and I knew I was really bisexual, not just bi-curious ... which, might I add, people have a nasty habit of confusing!

Anyway, tangent aside, thus began the period of time that I refer to as 'the Tug'. I had my lesbian and gay friends trying to tempt me to homosexuality with cookies, and my straight friends trying to lead me away from my comfortable post on the fence with bright coloured jelly beans. Oh, I was content where I way, but eventually I began to doubt myself all over again. Remember going through that stage when you ask yourself "Am I attracted to women?" Just when I had realised that the answer was "yes" I found myself asking if I was attracted to men and women, or just men, or just women, because I was of the opinion that I HAD to choose to be taken seriously!

And now nobody really knows what I am, except for me. I feel like I'm back in the damn closet again, too afraid to admit that I like men and women equally. I make excuses ("I'm bisexual, but I'm mostly attracted to men/women") because I'm tried to people telling me to choose.

Quote

We need labels.

True enough, Dandy Lionness. People have a nasty habit of rejecting the unfamiliar ... and, unfortunately, anything that is different. Using your breakfast beverage example (I feel silly typing that, haha), just because you're used to full cream milk doesn't mean you shouldn't give goats milk a chance. You may have heard that it isn't real milk, but it is.

I'm sexuality equivalent of goats milk, and I'm not half bad.

And also, try goats milk, for real. It's really, really good.





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