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#1
dandy_lionness

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(Hope this is the right forum to discuss this in. I'm kind of walking across the board of issues here.)

So, it's taken me this long to finally accept my sexuality. I mean, I even came out of the closet and then went back in! Now I'm out again and plan to stay out. But, there's still this internalized fear, disapproval. Maybe if I were a guy, I'd be able to accept my attraction to women more? More specifically, I am not quite sure what kind of woman I want exactly, because I think I'm so programmed with the male=provider/dominant and woman=passive dynamic, that I am scared of anything else.

I KNOW I like tough, strong women who have a noticeable presence. I'm quite a strong character and I like a challenge. I guess what scares me is that the only reason I like women of this nature is because I'm so used to men. Ugh! My last girlfriend was anything but strong and I was definitely the provider in the relationship. I hated it, partially because I felt intimidating in that role. Now that I'm definitely dating women (hooray!), where do I fit in? Does anyone know where they fit in? How do you get comfortable breaking conventional barriers?

That's Dandy :roll:
What do you mean there's nothing in my Cracker Jack box?

#2
Teoria

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I understand your frustrations. There are all these labels and conventions. What do any of them mean? Nada. It is hard to figure out who you are when you are on the ground floor. It does not matter why you prefer who you prefer as long as you know your preferences. Some enjoy taking care of others, while others prefer to be taken care of. There is nothing wrong with this way of thinking. I think you need to release your stereotypical view of relationships in terms of man=provider and women=docil and simple. First, women are not simple. We think way too much. We think about things with ever realizing we are thinking about things. Secondly, this stereotype as with all stereotypes comes from the "Leave it to Beaver" social utopias created by Hollywood. Women have been the backbone of nearly every major culture and civilization. I think that the biggest problem you are encountering is that you are trying to find a label that simply does not exist. Women are categorized as straight, butch or femme. There are a ton of gray areas. Explore them and you will find your dream girl. She is there. You just need to open you eyes and mind and know exactly what you want and need. Who do you need to balance and complete your life? I hope this helps. Ciao.
"She walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies and all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes" -Lord Byron

#3
dandy_lionness

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Teoria,

Right on! Thanks for your reply, it was exactly what I needed to hear.


That's Dandy :roll:
What do you mean there's nothing in my Cracker Jack box?

#4
Teoria

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I am glad I could be of some help. I think inside you already knew everything that I said. Isn't it funny how the things we say in our heads sound so much better and clearer coming from someone else. :D
"She walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies and all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes" -Lord Byron

#5
Guest_Anonymous_*

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"I think you need to release your stereotypical view of relationships in terms of man=provider and women=docil and simple. First, women are not simple. We think way too much. We think about things with ever realizing we are thinking about things. "


I totally agree, things are so complicated in our heads, and this rests on the fact that, womyn unlike men are forced by various arena's to conform to what is normal....as soon as you break out of that box..you are affecting their power-structure and what they want you to be...go with what you feel...when you figure out the exact way to do this...let me know....

#6
mg_jg3220

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hi nada (Hope),
this is maja. Like your name, do not give up hope. you are what you are and like what you like. labels are for those who don't know how to fit in. You're a woman who loves women. enjoy. do not be intimidated by your own sexual kind, we are the harshest judges and add fuel to the fire, that straight people play with. Your identity will continue throughout life, embrace each mask you take.
"Labels are for filing, labels are for clothing, labels are not for people". Martina Navratilova

#7
phoenix99

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I know this was all chatted about over a year ago but I wanted to add my .02.

I am basically at the opposite side of all of this as you nada. I have only ever dated men, and it always felt awkward. I want to be the one providing, I want to be the one taking care of my partner etc etc, in typical "man" or "masculine" ways.

My point is, I don't think that you feel that you want to be taken care of only because that's what you've always had. (although, only you know for sure) I just think that that is what you like. The same way I knew I wanted to be the provider in my relationships even though I never had that.

Only you know yourself the best, and know what you want because it's who you are or because that's what you've been taught. And, you'll find someone who will give you what you need, I'm sure of it :)
------------------------------------
But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
- Anne Bronte, "The Narrow Way"





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