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Know if you are in love?


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#1
pagangoddess26

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How does one know you are in love?
I found this awesome woman who I was dating for a few months the beginning to the middle of last year and I broke up with her after we first met face to face. I broke my own heart in doing that . . . but I was unsure of myself! We have the most fabulous phone conversations ever . . . I'm in love with her heart and her sould, but I found myself shallow and was thinking about physical appearances! I'm not usually so shallow but . . . I don't know. Maybe it was the pressure of meeting her the first time and having my brother there who is a huge homophobe though he's getting better. He doesn't like the fact that I'm bisexual let alone telling him that I'm a lesbian, but . . . I'm really in love with is woman! At least I think I am. Then I get nervous and I start playing scenarios of my family and high school reunions and things like that. Growing up I always thought I would be with a man, but now that I'm pretty much grown I really want to be with a woman which kinda throws me for a 180 degree turn . . . you know what I mean? I feel so confused and it doesn't help that she lives in the Rialto area either which is about a five hour drive from me here in Plymouth/Sacramento area. *sigh* What to do , what to do? Kinda any of you help me out? I've been writing her letters explaining my feelings though I haven't told her about my shallowness. I don't want to hurt her even more.
She and I have remained friends because she's the high priestess of the church I'm affliated with. Any thoughts and ideas?
I wrote her a letter explaining how much in love with her I am. Should I send it to her in an email or through snail mail or tell her over the phones? Let me know. O man, I'm nervous to tell her over the phone. *sigh*
Yours,
CelticKnot28
~Never discuss politics or religion with friends or family because opinions are like assholes-- everyone has one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks.~

#2
Carrie

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The most fundamental thing in your post is that you are not attracted to her. Its important that you not tell the woman that you are not attracted to her, i think that is unnecessarily hurtful. I dont think you are being shallow at all. I know looks are not the most important thing, but there should be some spark of attraction, otherwise she would just make a great, understanding best friend. I think sexual/romantic attraction is what divides friendship from love.
Why did your bro meet her for the 1st time too? I know there are safety issues about meeting people in person that you've met online, but next time you shouldn't meet someone with a family member there, esp if it is someone who isn't entirely supportive of the lifestyle. It's awkward enough meeting someone the 1st time when you're in private! Choosing a very public place to meet and having my own transportation, and telling my bf or sis or friend where I'll be has been enough safety precautions for me in the past.
Is there the other issue of a power imbalance in the relationship? I would hesitate to date a religious leader just as I would someone who is my teacher or is much older than I am because there are more complications when peoples positions in life are so disparate... I dont know if this is an issue in your religion, but I thought I'd ask.

"Where are you now? I'm trying to get by with never knowing at all. What is the chance of finding you out there? Or do I have to wait forever?"
~Michelle Branch

#3
pagangoddess26

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LOL
Yah, that's not what I wanted to hear, but I guess I knew I was going to get what I didn't want to hear. *sigh* (I don't know if that made sense). Anyway, I think I do love her and I'm not totally drop on my my knees attracted to her, but I"m attracted to her in other ways. *sigh*
And it's not really a big deal that she's the priestess of the church. I"m one of her clerics and I helping her keep it going. She's still in it's baby stage right now. We just finally got our constitution and bylaws posted legally so . . . WOO HOO.
But . . .
Back to her. I think I'll try to see how things work out and if they don't I think we would be able to part as friends ratehr than enemies. We are part of the church so . . . I don't want anything to happen to ruin that. Okay, I"m sticking my foot in my mouth. It's friday and I can not convey what it is I'm thinking correctly. I think you Carrie for you honest opinion. *sigh* We'll see how things turn out though . . . thank you darling.
Yours
CelticKnot28
~Never discuss politics or religion with friends or family because opinions are like assholes-- everyone has one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks.~

#4
pagangoddess26

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Hey, sorry all about the triple post. *sigh* Something was funky going on with the PC. Didn't realize that I sent it three times . . . the same freakin' email. *sigh* I was looking for some way to delete the last two, but . . . alas, I didn't find anything.
Yours
CelticKnot28
~Never discuss politics or religion with friends or family because opinions are like assholes-- everyone has one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks.~

#5
lesbotronic

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Hi there pagan, I deleted a couple of those duplicate posts for you. But for future reference, see that X in the box in the top right, above the text of the post? That would be the delete button. :wink:

#6
pagangoddess26

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Hello, Mistress!
Uumm . . . I did look, but I didn't see an X in the upper right corner of the posted text . . . sorry. I went into the edit button above the posted text, but that didn't have what you described either. Sorry. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for deleting the extra posts. Thank you so much, my darling! :lol:
Yours,
CelticKnot28
~Never discuss politics or religion with friends or family because opinions are like assholes-- everyone has one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks.~

#7
lesbotronic

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Oops, maybe that was my bad. I know forum administrators have quite a few features participants don't, but I did think y'all had the ability to delete your own posts (not the posts of others, but your own). But no X box next to the edit button? Hmmm . . . .

#8
pagangoddess26

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I have been corresponding to my ex girlfriend for a few weeks and I have been sneaking in phone calls whenever I can. *sigh* I'm going to give our relationship another try.
And I'm totally a sex crazed horny teenager!! Well, I"m not technically a teenager, but I sure do feel like I"m acting like one. She's told me that she has taken a vow of cellibacy which will last for six months. At the end of the six months (which ends up being in November) she is going to consider me. It's a little disheartening because I could be the one or I may not be the one she wants to be with. *sigh* That's the disheartening part. Anyway, I'm going to keep my spirits up to see what happens. If it's meant to be then it's meant to be, right?
Yours
CelticKnot28
~Never discuss politics or religion with friends or family because opinions are like assholes-- everyone has one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks.~





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