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Telling my mom


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#1
writergamer

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My mom raised me since birth and being born out of wedlock with no father or any siblings, I've became VERY close with my mother. Ever since I was little, I always felt inclined to tell her EVERYTHING. But there were just some things that I wanted to keep secret such as my hidden desires for both the opposite and same sex. When I discovered that I wasn't completely straight was in grade 8 in highschool. It happened in math class; I saw this sexy redhaired girl in class and immediately from there I had desires to approach her.

But alas I was deemed the "geek" in school and was quite introverted. I wanted to try something new so I cut my hair short but then my classmates all started to make fun of me calling me a "lesbian", and it reminded me of my prior younger years when I was made fun of quite badly by the bullies of my class because of my mixed heritage. So I grew my hair long again and kept looking at this girl from a distance. But all good came from knowing this girl since it inspired me to write a story concerning a redhaired pirate and a prince.

But for seven years afterwards, I kept my sexuality a secret until just four weeks ago I "came out" to my mother in the car. Earlier that day I told her that there were matters that were really bothering me but it was quite hard for me to express it. Then finally I told her and couldn't stop crying in the car. I kept saying "I failed you" and I expected her to get upset and hold a grudge or whatever since I read some horror stories on the web about some other people my age who "came out" to their parents. Fortunately and thank god, my mom was surprisingly understanding and indifferent. Her love for me would never change no matter what I was and I'm happy to say that seven years of guilt and fear was lifted off my shoulders that day!
8)

#2
Guest_Anonymous_*

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Lucky for you, that you were excepted...where I'm from, me being attracted to women sexually, is punishable (wrong spelling I think :wink: ) by death...I haven't came out to my mother because...it could be that I'm just a complete bone head...my mother and I never had a good relationship...so I consider it to be none of her buisness, as to who I'm dating. I could see it if, I was dependent on my mother for certain things in life...but I'm not...and in a way that makes me grateful...because when the sun comes down...I really shouldn't have to define myself to anybody...and I think that is the way it should be...we live in a fucked up country....we pay bills, smile, open doors...and do all the other nesassary bullshit...why should we have to answer to anyone, as long as there is no blood on our hands...(except for the occasional homophobic individual :wink:)..we should just be...

I had a aunt...who lived in the "shoulda, coulda, woulda" zone, and the day that she decided to "live a little" (got herself a really expensive car) she died in the next hour....I always think about that, because she spent her whole fucking life worrying about what the occasional asshole thought of her...Common (the rapper) said, one day tho...it'll all make sense..

#3
writergamer

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Quote

Lucky for you, that you were excepted...where I'm from, me being attracted to women sexually, is punishable (wrong spelling I think :wink: ) by death...I haven't came out to my mother because...it could be that I'm just a complete bone head...my mother and I never had a good relationship...so I consider it to be none of her buisness, as to who I'm dating. I could see it if, I was dependent on my mother for certain things in life...but I'm not...and in a way that makes me grateful...because when the sun comes down...I really shouldn't have to define myself to anybody...and I think that is the way it should be...we live in a fucked up country....we pay bills, smile, open doors...and do all the other nesassary bullshit...why should we have to answer to anyone, as long as there is no blood on our hands...(except for the occasional homophobic individual :wink:)..we should just be...

I had a aunt...who lived in the "shoulda, coulda, woulda" zone, and the day that she decided to "live a little" (got herself a really expensive car) she died in the next hour....I always think about that, because she spent her whole fucking life worrying about what the occasional asshole thought of her...Common (the rapper) said, one day tho...it'll all make sense..
Woah.

#4
roo

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Guess I had it easy. When I told my father, his reply was: so? I expected him to at least question me ("Are you sure? Is this something you thought about?"). My mother was barely fazed. My two brothers and my sister figured me out long before I figured myself out, lol.

When I brought my first girlfriend home (no one knew she and I were together yet, but she was so OBVIOUSLY gay), my sister said she always knew I was gay, she was just waiting for the confirmation. I gave it to her a few days later. She didn't care.

They poke fun at me, but that's just our way of showing affection.

My 14 yr old son knows and is fine with it. Matter of fact, he and my one ex get along very well. Sometimes he spends a weekend night at her house. They are like two little kids together. They play video games, watch movies, and giggle a lot.

My friends before I came out are still my friends now. I have been really lucky and can't imagine what it must be like to not be accepted.

The only bad experience I had was at a job a few years ago. Several co-workers thought I was gay (they did not know for sure) and told the boss (who is gay herself) that I said some pretty nasty things. Since I had been there only a very short while, I was fired. I never said any of the things attributed to me. Unfortunately, I would have a hard time proving it. My one witness isn't all that reliable. Oh, well. I got a very good job right after, however.

If that's the worst thing to ever happen to me, I am truly lucky.
A good woman is like a good book: you'll want to get lost in both for hours and be much the wiser for it.

#5
BrwnEyedAngel

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HI,
I am new here to this chat/post site and I like what I am reading. I wanted to respond to this post first. I was very lucky when I came out, I was married with one child and I was in my 30's. I think deep down I always knew that I was a lesbian but never understood it. When I could not take the desire that I had for women any longer I was finally honest with myself. I started by telling my friends first....that went well, then I told some of my siblings and most were fine, one thought it was a phase and one was a little confused though she is totally fine now. I told my parents and ya know what....I was sitting there crying, and my mom says, "I had my suspicions all along while you were growing up", my Dad was quiet but said "We still Love you"....that made me cry more. They were concerned for my daughter, but that all passed. The hardest part was telling my husband. I had heard horror stories, and I didn't want to loose custody, I was a nervous wreck.
I am happy to say that HE took it extremely well, I moved out with my daughter, he lives closeby and sees her every weekend and once during the week. I think he may be GAY and that is why it went so well.
I am one of the very fortunate. I have my family, an ex. that is a great guy and a woman that I Love.

#6
ashleigh

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so far in my experience since coming out, the most aggrevating/annoying response isn't rejection, but attempts at manipulation by those supposedly nearest and dearest trying to get me to see the error of my ways. since coming out to the maternal parental unit, the attitude was ' yes, that's nice dear, now lets go back in the closet and pretend this didn't happen.' this was also when i lived 1000 miles away. since moving back to the area, i have been declared persona non grata at her house. fine with me, now i know where you stand, don't hold your breath expecting me to call. 4 months later, about a week after the hurricane visits, i get a call from her and she is complaining about all the work that she and her husband had to do with the cleanup. she spent the conversation trying to make me feel guilty over my life choice and abandoning them. i don't feel guilty in the least, however i am p!@#ed off. after 30 years of being the outsider, i finally try to build some connection and this is what happens. makes me think i should have stayed with my first instinct and stayed away from familial relationships.

#7
AForgivenSin

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I was about to come out to my brother, being that he is the most open minded of my family, until I saw where his lecherous mind was headed. So I didn't. I was about to come out to mom until I told her my 'friend' had divorced her husband, came out as lesbian and moved in with a woman. Mom hit the roof and I hit the decks! :shock:

My partner is male and in a 'what if' conversation he said that an infidelity would be the same be it with a male or a female.

I am bisexual. I enjoy both sexes. I am attracted sexualy to the virility of a male body, the smell of him etc, but I am just as attracted to what a woman has to offer me. Her softness, her femeninity, her womanhood. There is just nothing in this world as a woman! I don't feel I must have one or the other, why?

Then there is the shit in the gay community, where you are a total asshole because you are bi! Like I don't get enough shit from my LOVED ones, I gotta be in the closet to gays, too! :?

*sigh*

I miss women... :cry:

#8
ruinedmachine

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Quote

Then there is the shit in the gay community, where you are a total asshole because you are bi! Like I don't get enough shit from my LOVED ones, I gotta be in the closet to gays, too! :?

I definitely have a problem with anyone (gay, straight, or otherwise) who would be critical in such a way to another person about their sexual preference. I especially don't understand why someone whose sexual preference is marginalized and discriminated against would have a 'problem' with bisexuals. The point being: unification, tolerance, and support in these areas are critical!! We need to stand up for each other and ourselves, not promote further discrimination and hatred. Keep your chin up! There are as many (if not more) people who will support and defend your bisexuality than those who would criticize it.

Melissa
I am free.

#9
Raychelle_E

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writergamer's story sounds exactly like mine. A little different but almost the same. My queer discorvery only happend when I started watching my female manager from a distance. Come to find out we was watching one another all along. Conicedentally we would always get caught watching one another in the distance and one day I up and sent her roses (first lady I hit on first person I sent flowers). And later on she said love you (it was weird how it happend, I dunno if it slipped out of her mouth or she meant it because she became nervous and walked away). It was such odd circumstances because we never end up with one another nor did we ever talk besides work conversation. We just always watched one another and occassionaly tried to brush up against one another.

Anyways this whole ordeal with me and this woman went on for a year. And before then i was very homophobic but I know it was a denial issue. Growing up I pretty much checked out women such as teachers and things like that until in 6th grade one decided to take advantage of me then I became scared of the whole gay issue again. So years and years and years I boasted about dykes, fags bulldaggers and queers. Thank god I end up working for this woman because I was very confused. She was sort of the person who helped me discover Im really a queer and I need to stop denying it because I only made it difficult and confusing.

I guess its true moms can always tell. From time to time before I came out she'd call me a lesbian to hurt me in arguments. Or maybe she didn't know how to make me admit it. And it was EATING away at me so much that my heart would nearly collasp everytime that name came out of her mouth. I'd just ball my eyes out because I felt like someone had ripped off my clothes and put a spot light on me at the presidental election.

Just 3 months ago I decided to come out and tell my mom. I explained to her why part of me has became this way. Or maybe I shouldn't say became but is. One reason's are partly because I personally do not appreciate men and the tendecies they act in relationship wise. Im proud of women and appreciate them, I was raised by strong women (with no dad). So as far as I concern I'd serve a good woman with a silver platter. I tried to tell her a few days before but it wouldn't come out of my mouth. The day I did admit I was gay I just fell to my knees and cried in her lap.

I was surprise to know that she only said "its okay, its your life. She told me I only have one and live it how I want". Since then my mom has never called me a lesbian or made fun of me about it again. And guess what "she said she kind of figured it growing up".

I to have started writing down a story about my ordeal. Only thing its a mixture of fiction and non fiction but no one will ever know but me.

Ray Gay

#10
blueyez

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How do you "come out" to your mum when you have just come out of an 11yr marriage,although she hated my husband i think she would hate me even more if i was to tell her i was a lesbian,also the fact that i have two children from my marriage i don't want to think of what it would do to them.Many times i have wanted to say something but it just never seems the right time......i just wonder if there will ever be a right time.It has taken me a long time to come to terms with the way i feel and i sure don't want to lose anymore time in trying to find "The one"...Mm what to do :(





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