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Flirting for Newbies


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#1
writergamer

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Hey I recently "came-out" like four weeks ago and I'm too scared to like approach a woman and to see whether she's like me or not...and if she is, I don't know how to flirt properly...any tips? :?

#2
Troublemaker

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Hey there WG, congratulations on coming out!!

Flirting can be a little intimidating, and yeah, it stings a bit to get turned down after you get your courage up and actually talk to someone... But my advice is, don't get too caught up in it. It's sometimes uncomfortable, but definitely not fatal! ;)

And I suspect that the more you do it, the less often it will be uncomfortable.

tip 1: don't rush yourself. The more comfortable you are, the more attractive you're likely to seem. So do what makes you comfortable.

tip 2: don't wait too long either! The first few times are going to be hard! So get them over with :) Not every approach has to be a marriage proposal - queers have *friends*, too! ;) Try approaching interesting people (even if you're not that attracted) in a friendly way -- the practise may help ease the discomfort, and the more people you talk to, the more people you're likely to meet. Plus, it takes the pressure off.

tip 3: Remember that tons and tons of women are just as nervous (or more!) than you are. Just take a look around this board and notice how many people say, "yikes! i have no idea how to approach a woman!"

tip 4: Try to pick up on other people's cues. (if you want, you can practise this by watching *other* people's approaches -- at bars or clubs or whatever). If someone answers every questions with "yup" or "nope", doesn't meet your eye, doesn't ask you any questions back, seems more interested in watching the show than chatting, or otherwise doesn't reciprocate after 2 or 3 overtures, you're probably not going to have any luck. Excuse yourself politely (maybe something like, "nice to meet you -- maybe i'll see you at the next *whatever-event*). Don't take it personally! Try to remember their name, and make sure to smile and say hi the next time you run into them. Being friendly is about 90% of it.

Anyone else got any suggestions??

hope this helps! keep us updated on your progress...
troublemaker

#3
writergamer

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Quote

Hey there WG, congratulations on coming out!!

Flirting can be a little intimidating, and yeah, it stings a bit to get turned down after you get your courage up and actually talk to someone... But my advice is, don't get too caught up in it. It's sometimes uncomfortable, but definitely not fatal! ;)

I deleted most for the purpose of the quote. Anyways, thank you wholeheartedly for the tips you've given me! Before I "came-out" I tried to approach the opposite sex but I think I came across too strongly and scared some guys off. Now being what I am and coming out, this is a whole new ball game for me. I don't go to night clubs or bars because of my extremely loving and protective mother telling me to be cautious about the date rape pill, drugs, getting mugged and stuff like that. I even tried putting my ad on other dating services (the free ones), and well most of the people, being that from men and women just want to get into my pants.

I mean I'm not against sex, its just that with the way I've been raised and how I feel about my own body...especially downstairs, puts a huge damper on my libido and confidence in the flirting and sexual department. I just have a hard time and well being a virgin and all, I'm afraid that I might really disapoint my lover.
:cry:

#4
Teoria

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As trouble said, it can be a frightening experience meeting new people. Just remember to look at other women as people. If you are looking for a friend, it should be easy just be you. If you are looking for romantic interest, treat it like making a friend b/c that is really what it is unless you just to have sex (but it doesn't sound that way). You will want to be friends with whomever you eventually partner with so keep that in mind. And most important thing is to be yourself. You want this person to fall in love with you not someone who looks like you. Besides, you don't want to have to keep up that facade forever. Trouble really cover the basics very well so I will not elaborate.

As for the sexual issues and being a virgin, don't rush anything but remember to keep an open mind. You have been very sheltered by your family and yourself. The sexual aspects of you are part of who you are. They are very natural and can be wonderful. Be honest with your partner and work together and she should be very happy as will you. Everyone is different so don't fuss too much over lack of experinece (everyone has to learn sometime). Just communicate. Ask her what feels good and what doesn't. But you have to be willing to come out of your shell. It will feel like you are a different person and you will be; you will finally be able to blossom.

Good luck and welcome to the neighborhood.
"She walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies and all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes" -Lord Byron

#5
Katy

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be yourself remember no lines .JUST ask the general questions of info on them .walk up and introduce yourself ask if they are straight or not usually you can tell.Ask if they are single and compliment them .Just relax be normal take a breath and count to 10 and chill.for flirting compliment their clothes and go from there
"I can have my cake and eat it to
The only diffrence is i'm eating it off of you."

#6
LusciousLula

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.. but gosh, yes, it's an art!! haha ..
I personally find that in person eye contact is Everything! and a great beaming smile so there can be no mistaking your feelings. No need to physically push yourself near to anyone as if you look confident and attractive you will 95% of the time be viewed that way too :)

Online I would stick to honesty and gut feeling. You know if you like the sound of someon after chatiing with them and if so be real, be yourself and go for it!!!

Good luck
Gosh I hope my own advice pays off for me too! hehe ..
Lula x x x
:lol:

#7
CuriousFemmeDyke

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I love your signature quaote - Byron is such a charmer!

Cheers from twinkle
Are you curious too

#8
chillindee

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How about just giving her a compliment? If she has a beautiful smile just tell her... if nothing more comes out of it at least you made someone smile, everyone loves a compliment :)
"The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them." ~ Albert Einstein





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