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Monogamy works- try it i dare you to


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#11
beltanebutch

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You go girl! It's all about being happy and trying not to judge other people for me. If you're a one box girl, you're a one box girl.

#12
Guest_jekessans_*

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I agree - monogamy works great. Besides, who wants to keep track for more than one woman and have more than one woman nagging at you and vice versa?

If you are poly - then you might as well beat yourself with a cat-o-nine-tails 'cause dealing with more than one relationship is much more painful.

Making a great relationship is a full-time job and participants don't need to be "moonlighting" on the side with others.

If you are poly - then basically you're not in a relationship at all because being in a "poly relationship" is an oxymoron! 8)

#13
SomethingElseToCallMyself

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A "poly relationship" is not, actually, an oxymoron.
Merrium-Webster defines a relationship as:

1: the state of being related or interrelated 2: the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a: kinship b: a specific instance or type of kinship3 a: a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings b: a romantic or passionate attachment

Nowhere is there anything that would make "poly" in direct opposition to its definiton. Many poly folks take a lot of time an effort to make their primary and secondary relationships work, just as much as those who are in monogamous relationships. I don't understand why this would be painful if everyone is honest, communicates, and most importantly, everyone is indeed polyamorous by nature.
It comes down to this: There are people that are made to be polyamorous, and there are people that are made to be monogamous. Many people mention that polyamory tends to be a sign of immaturity, but I'd have to disagree. Commitment, whether it is to one person or two people or ten people, takes an immense amount of maturity.

#14
versa

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I have had poly leanings all along (I'm 29) and right now I'm trying to make two concurrent relationships with polar opposite women work. I can say that the hardest thing is trying to explain your partner how it isn't "legal cheating" or not having the courage to end the relationship and more like a sexual orientation. It's just not the easy path.

#15
Rural Technophile

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disclaimer: I have only been out of the closet for about seven months; I have never been in a relationship with a woman; I have never done more than kissed a woman and I've only done that twice in my entire 29 years of existence.

I am disease free and would like to be that way for the rest of my life. I'm a bit OCD, and have a lot of body issues stemming from childhood sexual abuse. I deal with my issues very well in my day to day but I find the idea of contracting an STD to be absolutely terrifying. Because of this, I find sex terrifying.

I have heard a lot of conflicting information as to the safety of lesbian sex. Since this discussion centers around monogamous vs. poly relationships, I thought this might be a good place to ask about this. One of the big perks to monogamy is removing the risk of STDs, one of the big down sides to poly relationships is introducing increased risk of STDs.

If you prefer monogamy, is disease an aspect of your decision? If you prefer poly relationships, how do you protect yourself and your partners from disease?

Alternately or in addition, what are the real potential transmission risks for lesbian sexual interaction? I know Dan Savage once said that you can catch anything through lesbian sex that you can from any other kind of sex, but others have said that the risk of transmission is incredibly low with that kind of interaction. I don't know what to think.

#16
Ramona

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I think the admins might want to pull this out into its own discussion area, it probably merits that. But . . .

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One of the big perks to monogamy is removing the risk of STDs, one of the big down sides to poly relationships is introducing increased risk of STDs.

Just playing devil's advocate here, but a lot of poly folk would say that since a lot of supposedly monogamous folk actually cheat and/or haven't become accustomed to being fully honest (since our social programming is toward monogamy), this isn't strictly true. They'd say that openness, honesty, frequent testing for STDs, and safer sex practices are the way to prevent STDs. Not monogamy per se.

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I know Dan Savage once said that you can catch anything through lesbian sex that you can from any other kind of sex, but others have said that the risk of transmission is incredibly low with that kind of interaction. I don't know what to think.

Personally, I think BOTH suggestions are true. That you CAN catch anything through lesbian sex that you can from any other kind of sex, but the risk of transmission is ALSO lower. I also think the data on this is more effed up than data on other sex, since research on lesbian sex is much less frequent than other types of sex. Anything dealing with women, particularly lesbians, you're going to get less and less accurate data than anything dealing with men. Hello, sexism in the medical research community. It exists. There's also an inclination with medical researchers to treat lesbians like they're like heterosexual women, or like gay men. Neither situation is accurate. Public health officials must necessarily extrapolate when they're issuing public health messages, since the specific data is often lacking. Whether or not their messages actually apply to you has to be a personal decision.

So that isn't very meaningful with regard to your personal terrors, right? I think with most things in life . . . definitely SEX, you're talking about a balance of risk vs. reward. The very best way to never have a fear of getting an STD would be to never have sex with anyone other than yourself for your whole entire life. But for most folks? Not so appealing, that.

So if you do actually want to have sex with someone else, the next safest thing would be to find one lesbian who seems to want to have sex with you and only you for the next . . . I dunno . . . decade or so? At least? And then you both go get tested for all STDs and when you're free and clear, commence with the everything and then some. And that works for a lot of lesbians, and that's great.

But for others, sometimes they like to introduce someone else. This is where concepts like who is or who is not "fluid bonded" and then "safer sex" come into play.

Basically? It's all up to you. You can do whatever you like.

But NO ONE knows exactly what to think.

#17
Rumyluvgrl

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My ex leans towards poly. 'Course, I didn't know this when I put a ring on her finger. It wasn't until then did I find out all sorts of things about her that if I had known about, she would of been ringless and less a partner.

I am into 100% monogamy. I won't diss poly people. To each her own. But for me, sex in all forms is intimate and something special shared between 2 people. Guess I'm just old fashioned.

#18
BISQUIT

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I think it is all where you are in age....20's is about experimenting and exploring yourself and other types of relationships, in your 30's you begin honing in on your preferences and needs.....then your 40's hits and you become comfortable in your own skin, views and know what truly makes you happy. I am 43...and what I wanted and needed in my 20's makes no sense to me now......I believe everyone has the right to be in whatever type relationship that makes them happy and meets all of their needs and wants, the bottom line is being truthful with yourself and sticking to your own personal moral compass.....the world and views are ever changing, but your core self remains the same pretty much......I was once open to open relationships, but now I am truly in to monogamy
Peace and Love, BISQUIT

#19
Jay T.

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I have a primary relationship with a male, my children needed a stable home etc... the children are now all grown and out on their own.
I seek a female companion for myself, not a third, to share with him, he is mono I am poly... she will have her own house. I will be the point of a V relationship. It takes time to find out if another person can really be happy this way. My last female relationship ended over a year ago, I took almost a full year getting to know her, then followed that with a year of friends with benefits, then she started asking me to change,.. to get what happened between her and I a secret... I can't do that... she was the first single/lesbian I was involved with. it was nice to not have the other spouse to think about.

I am not sexually attracted to my male partner, but I made a promise and I will keep that promise. Honesty is my way of life.





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