Jump to content

Is this monogamy? Anyone else like this?


7 replies to this topic

#1
Miss Tess

  • Members
  • 23 posts
My primary relationship (for 12 years now) is with a man. I would never be with another man, but I won't give up women. I have "friendships with benefits" with women which have nothing to do with him, while my primary "make a home" relationship is with him.

I think if I found myself "single" again, I could end up with either a man or a woman and would certainly date both. I just don't think I can limit myself to one gender! I mean...both are so different...and to me, necessary. He doesn't feel threatened by this because he knows he's "my man" which is enough for him.

I do prefer to have just ONE girlfriend at a time, though. One night stands to NOT lead to great sex, in my opinion. Great sex happens with intimacy, and intimacy happens with trust and time. Just my opinion, of course!

Miss Tess

ps: The really important thing is honesty. My SO knew going in how I was and what to expect...no suprises! So, all's well.


#2
Carrie

  • Members
  • 43 posts
I feel exactly the same way :)
"Where are you now? I'm trying to get by with never knowing at all. What is the chance of finding you out there? Or do I have to wait forever?"
~Michelle Branch

#3
Miss Tess

  • Members
  • 23 posts
Well, at least there's ONE other person like me, Carrie! THANKS! Now if I could find a BDSM/DS person like me....even better! I dated both men and women before settling down with this particular man. I found that it made no difference, most were NOT cool with my having "friends with benefits" of the opposite sex (by which I mean whichever sex wasn't a part of my primary relationship). The women just flat-out couldn't deal with it and the men wanted to be a part of it (NOT an option!!!). I have felt I must really be a total nutcase to want relationships with both men and women that are sexual...and to not be able to totally give up one gender just because I'm in a l/t R with another....I'm willing to give all R's with others' of my primary R's gender...but when it comes to the other gender...well, heck, it's entirely different! *sigh* So thanks for replying!!!!!

Miss Tess


#4
AForgivenSin

  • Members
  • 8 posts
Ok, so I know I am months late into this discussion, but I had to put in my nickle's worth...

I am self identified as bisexual and have been in a relationship with a man for about 3 years now. It has not quelled my desire for a woman. Like you said, one is totally different from another; each gender has their way of thinking and thier way of processing that is totally alien to the other. For me, this is part of the excitement of them!

Like you, I find women are less apt to become involved when I live with a man. Insecurities, jealousy, and possesiveness are the major issues I have come up against. I find it's easier to become involved with another bi woman who is in a situation similar to mine, or who shares my point of view.

Ok, I said my peace...
Have a great day :D

#5
Miss Tess

  • Members
  • 23 posts
I so agree! BUT it is extraordinarily difficult to find! I have the ability to travel and enjoy a nice lifestyle. I wish I had a girlfriend that I could take with me sometimes...someone who is in the same situation as I am (as you described). My experience has been the same. If the woman is single or is not bisexual, she sooner or later gets very jealous of my primary relationship....usually sooner...even though I make it very clear going in that I am looking for a FRIENDSHIP, not a f/t relationship. That doesn't mean I cannot be a committed, loving, devoted, loyal friend....I just can't set up house with them.

My other experiences have been with married/attached women who are with men. Inevitably, they would start suggesting that the men be "part" of it. Call me cynical, but then I start to think that this was the game plan all along? :? I have no interest in performing for some guy. Heck, I don't even want to do that with my own SO! Thankfully, he has no interest in sitting down with some popcorn and watching me perform either. I have found that there are a lot of women out there that are so desperate to hang on to their men that they will even "pretend" to be bisexual in order to please him. YUCK! :shock:

Don't worry about being late responding as I have this set up to automatically notify me when a reply is received.

I'm just glad to connect with SOME likeminded people, however infrequently!

Miss Tess


#6
AForgivenSin

  • Members
  • 8 posts
Well, you have found a kindred spirit here...at least like minded!

I don't like the idea of performing for a man either. My sexuality is mine and mine alone. I feel (MY opinion) to give a show cheapens the relationship between the women. I have found that when a woman tries to introduce her man, it's usually at the man's insistence. Hey, I don't knock anyone else's idea of fun-whatever! :roll: But I feel that the relationship I have with a woman is something alltogether separate from the one I may have with a man.

And, like I mentioned before, it's the lack of truthfulness and communicating our needs and wants that gets us in those messes...

I KNOW how hoar it is to find a like minded woman.... Hell, I have been actively looking for about a month now and no dice!!

#7
Miss Tess

  • Members
  • 23 posts
Believe me, it's not easy! I find that often bisexual women are neither fish nor fowl in either "world"....not considered a "true" lesbian but neither fitting totally into the hetro world.

"I feel (MY opinion) to give a show cheapens the relationship between the women."

I AGREE!!!!

"I have found that when a woman tries to introduce her man, it's usually at the man's insistence."
Yep. I agree here, too. In fact (as I said previously) that has been my personal experience as well. Very few men are secure enough to feel comfortable with their partner having a physical relationship with another woman without their involvement.

"I feel that the relationship I have with a woman is something alltogether separate from the one I may have with a man. "

ME TOO! And there's the rub (no pun intended)...I just want them BOTH.

btw, my Yahoo IM is MiamiYogaGirl if you ever want to say hi. I have a second home in Miami and spend quite a bit of time there.

Miss Tess




#8
Sheena

  • Posting Members (3 or more)
  • 16 posts
A weight has been lifted off me just from reading this thread! I was feeling so completely weird and alone, but it's good to know there are others who feel this way! I am married to a man who I absolutely love more than life, but I want a wife or a girlfriend as well. I'm extremely blessed that he is open to this, and as long as I'm not with any other men (which I have absolutely no desire to anyway) he does not feel violated. The problem for me is I have more experience with men, and from what I hear I'm not so good at flirting with women. I either come off very platonic, or very overt (I'm only that overt when I'm drunk off my ass)





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users