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Dating Married Women


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#11
Faith

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Ok, so for me, I'm in relationship with both a man and a womyn and they are also in relationship with each other. My womyn thought she was lesbian until she met my guy....so, I think that you can be attracted to the person and the body just happens to be whatever it is. Now, I know that Not everyone will agree with me, but I also think that since most of us fall somewhere in between the two extremes on the Kinsey scale, there is wiggle-room for most in their sexuality. And monogamy is cool if that's what you need, but we need more. Those of us who are Poly. And there are so many different ways of being Poly, too! Some of us do want Polyfidelity(not going outside a set group of people) and some don't. Makes the world interesting, I think. I applaud honesty and communication in all relationships, but they are absolute necessities in a non-monogamous one. And you can't help it if someone discovers that what they thought they wanted wasn't actually what they wanted. But you can say, "I 'm ok with being myself and I release you with love." and move on! Now don't think this is some wise point - it took me 44 years to learn :lol: Anyway, I really appreciate a womyn who is open-hearted as well as open-minded. We could use a few more of them in Texas! :D Have a wonderful night, all. Faith[/i]
It's okay to hate two people, but if I love two people I'm a pervert.....go figure. Me!

#12
Carrie

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Thanks to Aforgivensin, Kahloeyes and Faith for your interesting discussion!

I have known that I am firmly bisexual since I was 18, I'm now 22 and in a long term, stable relationship with a man that we both believe is permanent. My ideal situation is to continue to have a primary relationship with my significant other, and also have a meaningful relationship with 1 woman. My current significant other knows exactly the type of "friendship" I'm looking for and fully supports me looking for her. So the communication with him is there. Unfortunately it seems hard to find someone who is compatible with me personality-wise, where there is mutual attraction, and ALSO wants to enter into a somewhat alternative relationship. (although I had a really great date last night! :D So we'll see!) Reading about your experiences has given me some confidence that my preferences are certainly more common than I previously thought.

Faith---I have been somewhat curious about the poly lifestyle. Did your relationship with the womyn start out seperately, with just having your man as her friend and then turned into more? I'm not sure if that is the situation I'm looking for. I know that once I find that perfect girl for me, it would be ideal if she and my boyfriend were friends. Not sure if it would become too complicated if it became sexual or romantic. You mentioned that it took you a while to understand your own poly preferences, what did you do when you were my age?

Thanks again for the great discussion ladies!
"Where are you now? I'm trying to get by with never knowing at all. What is the chance of finding you out there? Or do I have to wait forever?"
~Michelle Branch

#13
Faith

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Hi Carrie! Well, what I did at your age was think I was straight, because I didn't even know I had an option! :lol: However, I started getting educated a year later when my husband brought home a copy of Penthouse "Forum". I was afraid for a long time of my feelings, didn't know what to do or how to meet anyone, etc. Had a brief friendship that gave me my first, pitiful experience. She did all the taking and I did all the giving - as inexperienced as I was, I still knew that wasn't how it was suppossed to go! :lol: I went thru a divorce, remarraige and several moves before I found a gay guy who kind of mentored me and introduced me to my first girlfriend(seven years after my first experience). My husband was okay with that until we actually got together, then the green-eyed monster showed up. We had some other differences as well, and I decided that I could live without men, but not without women(since I had no name and no role models for what I was trying to accomplish with my three way relationship, I went back to mostly monogamy, with the occassional visit with an ex-boyfriend). After that relationship ended, I met a woman I was crazy about, who also happened to be married. The three of us ended up in my first polyamorous relationship. It was a great learning experience, but painful, too, and I wish that we had known others that we could have looked to for advice and information. We failed in the communication department, and that led to several painful incidents and the eventual breakup of not only our relationship, but their marraige. We are all still friends, but it could have gone SOOOO much better with some education! As far as my sexuality, like I said, I started out thinking I was straight, then bisexual, then lesbian, then back to bisexual, and I have tried on several occassions to be monogamous, but it just did NOT work. I cheated almost every time, OR had an "approved" extra partner, but without knowing what to call it. I hate hurting people and my last girlfriend (before my current relationship)thought(because I did) that I was lesbian and could be monogamous. Well, I ended up breaking her heart too, when I just couldn't do it and split up with her. Fortunately, we are still good friends as well. Anyway, long story, short(er) I wish I had known all this at your age! My current girlfriend and I met at the GLBT Center and she was actually seeing a woman who slept with several other guys as well as my girlfriend, so this was not a new concept to her, just new terminology. :D
When we started seeing each other, I told her right away that I was Bi, Poly and NOT going to change either of those things or "try" to do it for anyone else ever again! She knew about my man and when they met, it was just right, somehow. He and I have looked for someone for literally years, that would be ablle to love both of us and we finally found her. Of course, as long as they could have been friends even, that would have been okay, but this is best! One of the things that I did, that might help you too( I SWEAR it really works!) is to make a list, VERY specific, of everything you can think of that you want in your female partner. I mean, even down to hair and eye color if that is important to you, height, weight, kid-friendly, etc. etc.....don't forget things like honest, sense of humor and stuff, too and things you don't want, like maybe "not a smoker", or whatever. And then, pray about it, turn it over to God and wait - it WILL happen! That is how I met all my partners from the married woman until now. And, it doesn't hurt if you find a poly group within driving/train distance and introduce yourselves :wink: I know there's got to be one near you! You can also go to Polymatchmaker.com and or Polyfamilies.com(both good sites, well run and if you have any problems, they try to take care of it for you) The main thing is, you have to be willing to let people know what you are looking for and don't settle! I understand that some jobs may require more discretion than others, but at some point you have to be "out" in some way, you know? Anyway, I hope this answered your questions and helps! Hugs, Faith
It's okay to hate two people, but if I love two people I'm a pervert.....go figure. Me!

#14
Carrie

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Thanks so much for your post Faith!! I actually just found a woman who is EVERYTHING i've been looking for.... I'm really excited about it! but really nervous too! I really dont want to end up hurting anyone, and even though its a complicated situation i feel the most complex relationships are the most rewarding sometimes... its nice to be able to post on here and learn from other people's experiences.
thanks again!
"Where are you now? I'm trying to get by with never knowing at all. What is the chance of finding you out there? Or do I have to wait forever?"
~Michelle Branch

#15
Lise441

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It may not happen today, it may not happen tomorrow, or a week, month or year from now BUT someone is going to get hurt, neglected, jealous, feel used and abused. That's the way it always is, there is no way to avoid it.
Sometimes you stand on the edge of a cliff and you jump. You jump because you're tired of being scared. Sometimes you jump just to feel the fall

#16
Faith

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Thanks Carrie, and I wish you all the best. It can be wonderful, as evidenced by my life! And Lise - I'm sorry you feel that way and that that has been your experience, but it does not have to be an inevitability, as evidenced by my life. I think that the types of people that you draw to you are those that help you learn the lessons you need to in life. So, I guess my lesson is that love is a good thing and doesn't have to involve getting hurt because I feel I "own" someone and therefore anything they do with someone else jeapordizes(sp) what they have with me. I think that the more love a person can express, the happier they are. I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about love. I have relationships that are very loving, and have nothing whatsoever to do with sex, but are physically affectionate, which in America, is taboo. Anyway, gotta go take care of my woman - she's not feeling well. Hugs, Faith
It's okay to hate two people, but if I love two people I'm a pervert.....go figure. Me!

#17
Lise441

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It may not happen today, it may not happen tomorrow, or a week, month or year from now BUT someone is going to get hurt, neglected, jealous, feel used and abused. That's the way it always is, there is no way to avoid it.

I would never want to experience a poly relationship, it's not my thing, besides I would respect my significant other (and myself) too much to get involved in something like that, but I guess to each their own :roll:
Sometimes you stand on the edge of a cliff and you jump. You jump because you're tired of being scared. Sometimes you jump just to feel the fall

#18
Faith

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Lise, whatever works for you is fine. I wouldn't want anyone to do something that isn't good for them. However, I respect myself and my significant others too much to ask any of us to try to be someone we are not simply to make other people or society in general comfortable! :D I respect your right to do the same. Hugs, Faith
It's okay to hate two people, but if I love two people I'm a pervert.....go figure. Me!

#19
dragynphly

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Quote

Some of you have said that you would like a monogamous relationship with a man and one with a woman. My question is how do you feel about the husbands? Do they get one other person to be intimate with? Can it be another woman? or does it have to be a guy? And just like the lesbian might feel dating a married woman, how about the husband who only has you but you get someone else too?

I had noticed no one had answered this(that I saw skimming thru), so I decided I needed to...

This is only our view as a couple, and the way we do things.... so please no one take offense.

I don't necessarily want my husband to be involved with the same woman I am... that all depends on the personalities of all of us. Would I say no? I wouldn't, IF the right chemistry was there all the way around. In my personal opinion, I don't feel it's right for a bi married woman to be able to be with someone else, but expect her husband not to be. I feel that is hypocritical. So in our relationship, he does have the option of having an outside relationship as well. With whomever strikes his fancy. And yes my husband happens to be bicurious. We decided if our marriage was going to be open to others... it's going to be open.

For us being poly has made our relationship stronger, because of the level of trust and communication required.

Also~ again, only my outlook~ I won't date lesbians. The reason for that is exactly so I won't have to deal with the issues related to fairness. To be perfectly honest, it is also because I have been subjected to the quite open utter hostility that it seems many lesbians feel towards bi women. HAve I been attracted to lesbians? Yes. But I won't go there.
"There was a woman. For the first time in my life I saw a woman that was truly alive. That's what I believed. She was a piece of me I had lost. She is my other half that I had longed for."

#20
alissa

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Hi
after reading this subject I must conclude that the idea of having a "special friend" outside of my marriage is both alluring and complex. Can a woman truly give of herself to both a husband and gf without sacrificing one or the others best interests?? As much as my husband is very supportive of me and has given me the opportunity to be myself, I find the prospects of keeping a marriage healthy and enjoying my own sense of individuality at odds with each other.

I have had numerous bisexual experiences in college and find myself at age 36 wanting to be myself without having society dictating my lifestyle, but I would like to again have a female lover, I must be honest, to escape from the stress of life as a wife and mother. So, I would probably like to be involved with another wife/mother so that she would understand my life and not expect things that never could come.





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