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Two topics not mentioned here


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#1
kahloeyes

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Hello,

First let me commend you on a great job on building this forum, its enlightening, a joy to read and a valuable resource for lesbian and bi sexual women. I also believe heterosexual women can benefit from reading this forum as well as other lesbian oriented forums and thats one issue I attempt to persuade on. Why, well because I believe there are areas that heterosexual women (due to the traditions of heterosexual relations in society) that are either denied, not discussed, inhibited and grossly distorted with patriarchy. Thats just my personal opinion.

That being said, there are two topics that I would think would be beneficial (and needed) on this forum. One is 'how to deal with anger/violence' in a lesbian relationship because yes, it does exist and I would think that it may be an area of discomfort for some to discuss. But every relationship goes through struggles, and its how we deal with those struggles that can contribute to growth or destruction. And because women relate to women differently from men (or at least in my experience) I am interested as to how women in intimate relationships, where feelings of jealousy, insecurity, betrayal can be very intense, and how they deal/confront those feelings and with each other, etc.

Also, another topic I think would be interesting and beneficial is on dealing with 'control issues' in a relationship.

I realize too, being that I've only been in heterosexual relationships that my understanding is very limited, but I would think that these issues do surface, (I've seen them surface in my own friendships with other women, without the physical intimacy and I can say, the psychology is different and the way/means we express our feelings, etc, sometimes it can be more emotionally charged, etc.)

I read somewhere, that in lesbian relationships that boundaries can be more difficult because men tend to be standoffish, (generalization here) and women can hide, or keep some personal space, etc...and its not this way in most lesbian relationships, because women want to know more, are interested more in the emotional make up of a person, etc., and its not so easy to hide, etc.

Now, for someone like me, who is rather private (or maybe even closed off in some areas) I have asked myself if I could handle another wanting me to open up in ways I'm not used to, etc (I don't handle it well when men have attempted to do so in the past either), and personally it does concerns me because I wouldn't want my partner to think I was standoffish or not caring, etc...

(if that makes any sense, lol)

and I don't often see anyone discussing these issues, not on this forum or others I have visited...and not sure if thats because of the average age of users on internet forum or what, but I would think that these types of discussions would be beneficial, especially in light of the fact that many are desiring longterm monogamous relationships and no matter how magical the sex may be, expecially in the beginning, eventually these other areas are going to come to front...

we are constantly informed via media, magazines, even internet on relationship advice for heterosexuals, but I rarely if ever see anything on relationship advice for homosexuals...and maybe its not been an area that has been discussed much, not sure.

Some may not think these issues are relevant for a forum where they are hoping to link up with someone, but I too wasn't really thinking on alot of these things when I was in my twenties, and looking back, I wish I had of been or that someone would have discussed them, etc....because often we don't think of things until we cross that bridge, etc. Even in regards to children, there are issues such as where they will school, what religion you bring them up in, money issues, how they are disciplined, etc., and these can cause some major areas of strife in Any relationship...or how about aging parents, or what about if your partner becomes ill, etc...

and I would think because of the way our society is, (consider the issue of gay marriage), and the dynamics of lesbian relationships, and the lack of social support, that some of these areas would be extra stressful, etc.

I see alot on the physical aspects of relationships here and that sort of made me wonder too...maybe its a generational outlook, etc.,

well anyhow, just two ideas. (would be good idea to add resources, such as interpersonal relationship counseling by lesbian professionals, etc...too with the topics).

Kahloeyes
"Both the oppressed classes, women and the immediate producers, must understand that their emancipation will come from themselves. Women will find allies in the better sort of men, But the one has nothing to hope from man as a whole" Eleanor Marx

#2
lesbotronic

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First let me commend you on a great job on building this forum, its enlightening, a joy to read and a valuable resource for lesbian and bi sexual women.

Thanks for the compliment, we really appreciate that! :)

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I also believe heterosexual women can benefit from reading this forum as well as other lesbian oriented forums and thats one issue I attempt to persuade on. Why, well because I believe there are areas that heterosexual women (due to the traditions of heterosexual relations in society) that are either denied, not discussed, inhibited and grossly distorted with patriarchy. Thats just my personal opinion.

I'm not really sure what you mean by "an issue you attempt to persuade on" with regard to heterosexual women. This is a forum for lesbian/bi/questioning/queer/dyke/trans women, that's who we invite to join and post. That's really the niche of this site, forum and personals . . . but it is a very large niche, as niches go. As far as whether or not any women who consider themselves 100% heterosexual are dropping by to read posts in the forum . . . I really doubt many are currently or that many 100% het women will/would want to at any point in the future, but we're doing nothing to actively stop them. (Actually, stopping them from dropping by to read would be next to impossible to accomplish even if we really wanted to try.) But perhaps I'm not getting your meaning, if you'd care to clarify, please feel free.

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That being said, there are two topics that I would think would be beneficial (and needed) on this forum.

As for the topic(s) you suggested, I do think an additional forum on negotiating relationship(s) would be a great idea, so I just added it now. Thanks!

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Some may not think these issues are relevant for a forum where they are hoping to link up with someone

No, we think it *is* relevant, and no, this forum is not intended only for those looking to "link up" (grin). I think it's the nature of the internet and/or sites that offer dating features that they will often attract more people that are looking to form new relationships than those that aren't so much or aren't looking as actively, but we welcome folks of any/all relationship status.

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Even in regards to children, there are issues such as where they will school, what religion you bring them up in, money issues, how they are disciplined, etc.,

Actually we did already create a forum for kid-related issues, the "Having and/or Raising Kids" forum . . .

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I see alot on the physical aspects of relationships here and that sort of made me wonder too...maybe its a generational outlook, etc.,

And now you've lost me again :) . A generational outlook, you say? Older women aren't interested in sex? Not according to mine own experiences. I (Robin from the webmistress group) am in my 30's, and I'm just as interested as I was when I was in my 20's. Dare say I know a bit more too. :) I certainly hope I won't lose interest in my 40's or 50's or beyond . . . I know MANY women older than myself that certainly haven't, and I admire them for it . . .

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(would be good idea to add resources, such as interpersonal relationship counseling by lesbian professionals, etc...too with the topics).

If any member would like to add a resource they'd recommend to that area, they are hereby invited to do so. I don't know that we as a group (Lesbotronic Webmistresses) have anything we'd officially recommend along the lines of professional counseling resources for lesbians right now, but we'll keep it in mind. I think that would also in most cases be geographically specific, so any sort of resource list would have to be contributed to by members if it even hoped to ever be comprehensive, but when/if any member would like to recommend something personally, they certainly can!

Thanks again for your contribution!





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