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Money Tensions caused by too much or lack of


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#1
kahloeyes

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Hi!

Guess I'll get this started. First understand that my understanding is limited to heterosexual relationships, of which I've had several, some not that great, etc. However, I am sort of an observant type of person and I've wondered about how lesbian relationships are similar/different from heterosexual, in areas such as control, money, boundaries, and so forth, in light of the fact that our pyschology is different from men, (whether by nature or conditioning won't get into that right now, I think its a bit of both) but anyhow...

for starters, what about the issue of money? In regards to lesbian couples, now, how does money or the issues of money cause tension, and how do you handle that? Like, well, let me use my situ to start off like a basis, and then compare, etc...

ok, like with my situ, in the beginning it was a battle as to who had the most say in money matters, because my husband at that time was of the notion that it was like the 'male' ownership rights, etc., to have the final say, etc etc (now I realize this too, varies in heterosexual relationships but often it is a area of contention, because women view things differently from men, most of the time, etc)...

but like, ok, if you make more money than your partner or vice versa, or one is more apt to save and the other not, and so forth...how do you resolve differences, and so forth? Or is it even an issue? Do you think its more of an issue/tension in heterosexual relationships due to patriarchy, sexism and chauvinism, etc?

And, what if, lets say, the tables were turned, like one of you become unemployed, long term even, then how would that effect or not effect your relationship, and so forth?

How about class issues? Class can be (speaking of economic here) a factor in heterosexual relationships (more than what many may think), especially with inlaws, etc...or how the other may perceive their partner (it may not come out in the beginning but it does eventually, and can be an obstacle, even cause for strife, divorce, etc).

I know there is this one case, where this couple (lesbian) split up, and one took the other to court, for division of property, so I can assume from that, that these tensions are unavoidable, but in my experience (friendships) I have noticed that women tend to be more forgiving, sometimes even to the point where they allow being taken advantage of, but I wonder how much that is characteristic in lesbian relationships, etc?

And too, if there is lets say, a difference of how we look at issues of money in relationships at different stages in our life, for example, now that I'm in my forties I look at money completely different than I did like in my twenties, also having children, blended family its even more complicated...so of course, with children there's even more to be concerned with, looking at retirement (social security, well, in my case, I'll be working till I'm 100 or die, whichever comes first, lol)...

ok, so there's one topic to discuss.

Kahloeyes
"Both the oppressed classes, women and the immediate producers, must understand that their emancipation will come from themselves. Women will find allies in the better sort of men, But the one has nothing to hope from man as a whole" Eleanor Marx





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