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Boundaries Setting & Respecting


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#1
kahloeyes

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Ok, LOL, next topic...

Boundaries...in your relationships, how do you set boundaries, or do you? Do you respect boundaries?

These boundaries could be over personal time, privacy (and I have read that emotional privacy is a conflict or has differences in lesbian relationships, etc...but just read, I have no idea, etc)

what about things like clothes, etc? Seriously, lol, its not like my husband is going to take my sweater, one of my favs and wear it to the office and he comes back and there's like this huge mustard stain on it or something, panties, well, thats another issue (ROFL--kidding, but couldnt' resist throwing that in there, lol--well, with some men That may be an issue, ROFL)...

anyhow, I never had sisters but I know, my daughters are like, Yikes, very territorial, now whether this is something one grows out of (although, I have to admit, I'm quite territorial over the kitchen, because hubby dearest always insists on putting dishes where they don't go, yea, I know, one of those pet peeves, but like, eeerrrr, you'd think after so many years)

but anyhow, I think people vary according to individual on boundaries, and maybe too its according to how we are raised, and cultural differences, and if we were only child or had siblings, and so forth...

but has boundaries been an area of conflict in your relationships? or any of them? Such as, maybe one is more controlling than the other, or maybe one isn't as assertive over her boundaries, what they are, and so forth?

Do you find it difficult to assert boundaries, and so forth? I would think setting boundaries would be easier with a man, from my experience which of course, is limited, just thinking (you know, wondering) because well, in a way I don't care what men think, LOL (I know, terrible), but I know in my friendships with women I'm more sensitive, definately not as assertive, etc...

in other words, I realize that myself, (this I'm sure is not the same for everyone), that I treat men differently than I do women...and that might not be a good thing, etc...its not that I think women are fragile, etc., don't get me wrong...I just have more respect for women, maybe even intimidated by them, (why this is, I don't know, maybe due to mother issues, I wasn't close to my mother at all, nor was my brother, both of us were on own at 16, long story but I'm sure that has something to do with it, etc)...

and I wasn't always like assertive with men either, that came with time, and being single parent, I kind of developed that attitude of screw you I don't need you attitude (speaking of men here),

but this is something I have thought about, alot. One of the reasons I'm not rushing into a relationship (intimate) with a woman yet...still have some inner issues to work on, questions, etc...

ok, your thoughts on boundaries, experiences, etc.

Kahloeyes
"Both the oppressed classes, women and the immediate producers, must understand that their emancipation will come from themselves. Women will find allies in the better sort of men, But the one has nothing to hope from man as a whole" Eleanor Marx

#2
justme

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I am new to this forum, so forgive me for my mistakes in posting. I am involved with a woman who has very serious mental disorders. I thought i could get past them.....it's been 5 years now and we have built a house togather---i feel like i'm going out of my mind--no personal space--she has no sense of humor. whem i suggest that we should probably not be togather,--she actually grabs ahold of my legs and will not let go. I can deal with alot--but i can not listen to her high pitch voice complaining about everything under the sun any more. Help me

#3
Lysandra

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This is a very important issue to in every relationship in my opinion! :D

I wasn't always assertive with my needs/wants/opinions, you name it. I do not blame those who didn't trust me back then. I own that.

My husband and I respect each other's boundaries, and it is a nice feeling to have. Without boundaries, there would be no trust IMO.

For instance, we discussed the boundaries of our marriage by agreeing on one definition of cheating. I was honest and expressed a strong desire to him about having a "girlfriend" on the side, and he surprisingly is accepting of that. So that's within bounds. Honesty is a must when creating these boundaries. I had a "girlfriend" but that is no more now because she has no boundaries around her husband, and there is an element of dishonesty there. He doesn't know about "me" although he is aware of my existence and we have met in person. I don't NEED that kind of complication in my life, and I have been assertive with her about it. I do love her, but I am proud of myself for doing that!

LOL I also understand that.. one gets better with more experience and time. Patience is extremely important to have, when there is the room of making mistakes AND there is also room for improvement. In this case, I must be patient with myself and my tendency to be too kindhearted or a kind of a pushover.

#4
Katherine

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Healthy individualized boundaries are extremely important to any relationship. I feel a relationship will not succeed and be healthy without them. With women it does seem harder than it was ever for me with men. One can go to therapy or read self help books a plenty to improve in this area.
Katherine





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