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How do you deal with annoying people???


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#1
Lise441

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I need some help on this issue and I'd like your feedback as you're very intelligent women and capable of giving great suggestions, so here goes...Mai's (my bestfriend) cousin Dawn is annoying the hell out of me. We can't have a simple conversation without her bringing up political issues in other countries or even centuries and it's driving me (and some of my other friends) up a wall. Example: Mai was commenting on how her professors divorce was taking a toll on her this semester, Dawn interjected with economic theorys about marriage and why women need men to because of blah blah blah and some more shit about divorce in the 17th century blah blah blah.

My friends and I are all in our Junior or Senior year of college, and we don't mind a history lesson every now and then, but when it's constantly shoved down our throats to the point where we feel that we cannot have a simple conversation or make a simple comment. My opinion is that people who constantly receit textbook information like it's the gospel are full of shit because it proves they cannot form their own opinions about the subject and are just using their textbook knowledge as a way out.

Have you encountered this problem? How do you handle people who are like this? :roll:
Sometimes you stand on the edge of a cliff and you jump. You jump because you're tired of being scared. Sometimes you jump just to feel the fall

#2
kahloeyes

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Hello Lise441,

Haven't been out here in a few days, (been busy), and I probably won't be out here much as things are picking up (tomorrow being the 20th, and other projects that need tending to, etc).

But I think I could shed some light on this for you...

One, I think you should nicely just ask Dawn why she feels the need to explain or add everything text book style, etc? Maybe its because she is intelligent, and is frustrated because there really isn't anywhere for that energy to go? Maybe you could encourage her to get involved with activism or in writing, etc. Or, maybe (and this could be very true) the political is a defense sort of, sort of like, a wall, because maybe she's nervous being intimate, etc? Who knows...I think its different for everyone.

I will say, that as a woman and one who works in the political, womyn are not listened to in the polemic (unless they spew like one with a penis, in other words, think and act like the patriarch expects them too, etc), except maybe in a group of other womyn, feminists, etc...(but the more radical and revolutionary, the more isolated, that has always been the case I have found, both in experience and in my readings of history). Its even More frustrating in this society...where politics for many womyn is like, something you bitch about when it affects your personal space, and to hell with how it effects everyone else (typical of american society in general, in my honest opinion). I think its called the american exceptionalism, type of thinking. I know in other nations womyn tend to be far more political on a consistent basis, rather than just when its trendy, etc...I think alot of it has to do with our patriarchial society/capitalism and the religious influence.

Personally, for myself, I will throw out the political, in hope to encourage some thinking, but then I'll drop it and go on...because I think that often that energy could be spent doing something else, and personally I believe in revolution, period. I think trying to change the american mindset is a total waste of time...its too bourgeousie, corrupted, and I'm to the point that its beyond saving (the social psyche)...pessimist, you bet...but oh well.

As for Dawn, maybe you could sit down with her and ask her what her passion is, and just tell her what you mentioned here...and ask her to listen more, and that you appreciate the input, but that you like to have conversation without the political, etc...

and then just change the subject...and too, be receptive of what she tells you in return...maybe she is trying to say something to you but doesn't know how, or something...(besides, it doesn't hurt to learn, no matter how college educated you are, learning is a lifetime process) but at the same time, yes, there are other things in life besides political...talk about clothes or shoes or sex or something...food, and if that doesn't work

you could always order alot of alcohol and get loaded...that seems to do the trick for most.

LOL

:) Ok, well, I threw in my two bits...now I grabbing the vodka (cuzz god I need it now after all these forums) and I'm going to look at senseless magazines, look at clothes I can't afford, paint my nails, eat lots of chocolate and try not to think of the misery in the world...yea, maybe apply for a credit card tomorrow, ROFL. Take lots of pictures of myself (naked of course) throw them out on the net, what the hell, why not, run to victorias secret, grab some of those panties meanwhile stepping over the homeless and yelling at them to get a job...and just be like everyone else. And then, throw my hands over my face, with that dumbfounded look on my face and ask, 'why do they hate us'...

am I being sarcastic...yea, I am. But lets not get too political, hell, maybe if we continue to stick our heads in the sand (or up our asses or someone elses) maybe all the ugliness will go away in the world, (or someone else will change it)...

so what if womyn, children, men, around the world are dying...its not our problem, yea, I can see why you are annoyed...

I would bet Dawn is just as annoyed too.

tea party anyone, we can talk about all the woes in the world, wring our hands and go my my why is it this way...

please, there was for such a long time the belief that lesbianism was the feminism that would shake patriarchy and capitalism to its core...

I am seriously having my doubts about that. Not much difference if at all from the heterosexual world/mentality. Sad.
"Both the oppressed classes, women and the immediate producers, must understand that their emancipation will come from themselves. Women will find allies in the better sort of men, But the one has nothing to hope from man as a whole" Eleanor Marx

#3
kahloeyes

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OH, btw, don't bother banning me, I take myself off the board. Its not this board really, or any of you...

and I'm sure majority probably wouldn't understand...lets just say, I've grown rather fed up with the way things are going in this nation...and I feel my time and energy is best spent working to change it....or move to Canada or Europe, which I can't do as its expensive and besides, they don't want americans there anyway (gee I wonder)...

but seriously, I live and deal with bigotry and patriarchy and neo nazi attitudes and homophobia, and yet, through my research lately, I've seen just as much if not more, of these same attitudes if not worse, within the GLBT world...

I'm beginning to think there is absolutely no hope. Its like, except for a rare few, not many really give a damn about anything beyond their little circles...(unless its a tax break or a means of exploiting some good media for themselves)...

and racism, yea, its alive and well...its time to deconstruct this whole white thing anyway, get rid of the assimilation. Its destroying us, and its destroying the world except today its under the all global consumerist garbage...got a secret for you, white people aren't special...and Zimbawbee was right...too many date white women for wrong reasons...

if one doesn't understand the rage of this post, one isn't paying attention to what is going on in the world.

Bye
"Both the oppressed classes, women and the immediate producers, must understand that their emancipation will come from themselves. Women will find allies in the better sort of men, But the one has nothing to hope from man as a whole" Eleanor Marx

#4
lesbotronic

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Quote

OH, btw, don't bother banning me, I take myself off the board. Its not this board really, or any of you...

Not at all sure why you would think anyone would want to ban you, or would "bother" to do so, because such is not the case. The reasons why someone would get "banned" are clearly spelled out in the Lesbotronic Community Guidelines, which are in an obvious place at the top of the forum. If you violate those, you are at risk of being deleted. If you don't, then you're not. It's far from being mysterious. We thought through the Guidelines, got advice and input from many members of Lesbotronic and other folks that run boards where folks feel welcome, and we think they're all very necessary and appropriate. The motivation behind each of the guidelines is really obvious, and they really shouldn't be too difficult to follow.

Expressing a strong opinion or attempting to instigate debate on important issues are not (I repeat, not) reasons one would get deleted. Severe rudeness and blatant abuse of other board members are reasons. It's unfortunately the case that sometimes folks will imagine they are only debating when in fact they left anything resembling that a while ago and are now just being unnecessarily, senselessly and/or inappropriately abusive asshats . . . hence we tried to make the Guidelines as clear as we could. To distinguish between the first thing (legitimate debate) and the second thing (being an abusive asshat). But with that said, we'll reiteriate that we've not noticed that you are guilty of violating the guidelines, so you're still entirely welcome. If you choose to leave, then that's obviously your choice, but we wanted to make that clear.

You also seem a bit frustrated, perhaps that you've not yet received the degree or volume of response to your posts you were hoping for? There's no way we can predict whether or not that will remain the case, but wildly imagining that you're on the verge of being banned and verbally stomping off probably won't help you eventually find that, here or anywhere else. I say that in all seriousness, but I don't mean to be insulting. I also think there's a better than average chance that someone(s) WILL respond to you in time. New women sign up for this board constantly, and we can tell they spend a good bit of time browsing, but many don't post, or haven't posted yet. Some may feel intimidated posting in a public forum, some may be waiting for the right moment or a post that particularly inspires them to respond, or the women that may eventually respond to you may not have found the forum yet. At any rate, you'll not find out if you don't leave that door open, both in terms of your participation and the way you express yourself. Some ways of expressing oneself invite/welcome/encourage responses, others accuse/point fingers/discourage discourse and/or tend to make potential respondents feel it wouldn't be a constructive use of their time to bother responding. If someone seems hostile, closedminded, shut down and/or just randomly angry/ready to abuse anyone available and/or any available target they think they can hit . . . rather than directing it at someone/something genuinely deserving of their wrath, it's hard to imagine they're really interested in listening to anything at all other than their very own "voice" and that alone. But again, if you want to be in the former instead of the latter category, it shouldn't be too hard to manage. You just have to keep it in mind.

Good luck with things, no matter what you decide about lesbotronic . . . and now, perhaps it would be polite to get back to the original question posed by the author of this thread . . . maybe? :)

#5
Lise441

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How the hell did asking for advice about annoying people, mainly my friends cousin, turn into this???? :roll: ...For those of you who are still interested Mai and I decided that we're going to sit Dawn down and talk to her about her tendency to receit textbook/radical facts. She's a smart girl, and we don't think she's really into politics as she's in law school to become a Fortune 500 corp. lawyer and I doubt they have much to do with what she's spewing. Who knows :roll: Anyway, I'll let you know how it goes but I still want your feedback as I sure there are people who annoy all of us in any situation.
Sometimes you stand on the edge of a cliff and you jump. You jump because you're tired of being scared. Sometimes you jump just to feel the fall

#6
BauboBBW

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lise441:

i'm guilty of doing what dawn did ....i try to stop myself before i get carried away, tho.....

can't focus on past history....'cos it's just that....PAST!!!


kahloeyes:

i know it all seems rather crappy and hopeless...but, we can't give up...not now...the minute we give up....so do our ancestors....and just 4 the record....there's rotten apples in every bunch....m'kay??? 8)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got..." - Janis Joplin

#7
Lise441

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Thanks for you reply! We actually talked to Dawn last night and she said she's unsure of herself around people she doesn't know too well so she feels like she has to perform and come across a certain way, but she in no way would receit that radical info if she wasn't nervous. She's actually a cool girl and once this snow clears we invited her to hit up Shampoo with us on Sunday night. I told her I understood her feelings and she said she hates people who think life is all about the struggle of times (past/present) and really didn't realize she was getting out of control. All in all things are great and I'm looking forward to hanging out with her Sunday night. :D
Sometimes you stand on the edge of a cliff and you jump. You jump because you're tired of being scared. Sometimes you jump just to feel the fall

#8
BRENNIVINCHICK27

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IF ANNOYING PEOPLE ARE AROUND ME AND I JUST DONT WANNA DEAL I USUALLY USE MY BRAIN LIKE A COMPUTER AND PUT THEM ON (CLICK) IGNORE LOL IF THAT DOESNT WORK I ROLL DOWN MY INVISABLE WINDOW AND GIVE UM THE FINGER HAHAHA JK OR AM I ? LOL
*If The Only Possible Way We Can Be Together Is In My Dreams..Then I'll Sleep Forever*

#9
AndrejaWilson

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Funny enough I have a standby and headphones symbols tattooed behind my left and right ears. When I've had my circuits fried by another person, I hit the standby symbol so I can "power down" and reset. No one has caught on yet. I use to do it quite often at my old job.

@Scissor_Sista on-a-mountain-she-sits.tumblr.com


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