Jump to content

My Story, Aprove, or Disaprove of my actions and views?


6 replies to this topic

#1
Versace_Raver

  • Members
  • 3 posts
Hey everyone. This is my first post. Ok so what I want to know is how all of you feel about the male to female transsexuals. Now I would like to start off by saying that I am only 18, I had known I was always attracted to girls but my behavior was always fem as well. I can clearly say that I was born a fem lesbian. I only was able to truly analyze my behaviors likes and dislikes with the help of my psychologist who is helping me transition. For example when I was a young one I would only play females because I preferred their company for everything. Funny thing was is that when we would play house we would both be the mommy I would never want to be the dad. My parents however were very conservative when I wanted Barbie's they bought me action figures, and only one ken doll, but I would dress it in Barbie's clothes at my friends houses. Sadly though as I got older, people in school as well as my parents said my behaviors were not normal for a boy, I was pretty much forced to oppress all my female traits even though I never behaved flamboyantly. anyways as I hit junior high and puberty it made me chronically depressed and suicidal, I had always felt like a girl but instead of me growing breasts and my hips growing I was getting bigger and hairier. it tormented my soul until came out to my parents. What happened was a nightmare they freaked out and for the last 4 years have been trying to "fix" me instead of help me. So now that I'm finally a legal adult I am transitioning. I do have several months before the estrogen makes drastic physical changes before I must move out.

Anyways what I was wondering is how many of you ladies would have a problem dating someone like me or even being in a romantic relationship, I do have plans to be a model as soon as I reach the looks required by female models at the agencies in my city. I am pretty much only interested in fem girls because masculine or butch ones just turn me off for the reason that I hate my old body and was forced to endure psychological pain. I can't understand if a female isn't trans and female to male why she takes her female body for granted and tries to look like a man. I feel that some feminists are technically totally contradicting feminism by trying to look and act like males rather then embrace all that is feminine and woman.

I know I'm going to get a lot of heat from what I posted so I'm just going to brace myself.

Ciao

#2
Lysandra

  • Members
  • 11 posts
What heat? :P

When I see a person, I don't see the sexuality or sexual identity - I just see a fellow soul. You do not need anyone else's approval except your OWN. I mean that your approval IS more important than mine. :)

Interesting story, though. If I were single, I would not have a problem dating a transsexual seriously that I find attractive and have chemistry with. Being bi probably makes this acceptance easier for me, ALTHO I understand that MtF is a real woman, and FtM is a real man. Forgive me if I am being too presuming here. (*insert your teaching here*)

Good that you found yourself instead of living a painful facade for others like your parents. I understand that feeling very, very well so I can empathize with your circumstances.

HUGS!

#3
vdunlap

  • Members
  • 1 posts
i dated a mtf for 6 years-through 2 transitions. we're best friends (thank god) but it was a rough start. the second transition was hard though. he transitioned back and i had to get to know someone a little different. hormones changed the behaviour a lot. i delt with lots of mood swings. but yeah, we would've gotten married had it not been for that transition back (imo)
There is no more preparation-this IS the transformation for which you came.
Every necessary condition is in place for every work there is for you to do.
Flow on through the days, easily, lightly, in love. We are with you.--Unknown

#4
lesbotronic

    Administrator

  • Administrators
  • 191 posts
Hi there. I know the original poster's (Versace_Raver) post was from quite a few days ago (we've been busy!) but I did want to respond . . . not only for the original poster, but for the board overall.

First of all, referencing the subject line you gave your post ("My Story, Aprove, or Disaprove of my actions and views?"), in our strong opinions personally and in accordance with the board guidelines, it really isn't for anyone to disapprove of your or anyone else's actions that might be remotely similar, as long as they are either your own adult actions affecting yourself and/or some choice you make with other mutually consenting adults for collective benefit/satisfaction of mutual desires and not intentionally harming anyone else. Obviously your decision to transition would qualify. Approve, support, share personal experiences, find community, FABULOUS! Disapprove of something like this? NO. Note the caps there. I know there are folks in the world that would wrongfully "disapprove" or attempt to impose their own views upon you regarding the way they'd prefer the world would work and how other humans in it should behave, but they have no place here.

Quote

I only was able to truly analyze my behaviors likes and dislikes with the help of my psychologist who is helping me transition.

Glad to hear you will likely have good support during your process. That's very important.

Quote

For example when I was a young one I would only play females because I preferred their company for everything. Funny thing was is that when we would play house we would both be the mommy I would never want to be the dad. My parents however were very conservative when I wanted Barbie's they bought me action figures, and only one ken doll, but I would dress it in Barbie's clothes at my friends houses. Sadly though as I got older, people in school as well as my parents said my behaviors were not normal for a boy, I was pretty much forced to oppress all my female traits even though I never behaved flamboyantly. anyways as I hit junior high and puberty it made me chronically depressed and suicidal, I had always felt like a girl but instead of me growing breasts and my hips growing I was getting bigger and hairier. it tormented my soul until came out to my parents. What happened was a nightmare they freaked out and for the last 4 years have been trying to "fix" me instead of help me.

Your story saddens me, and I'm extremely sorry you had to go through that painful lack of acceptance, especially from your family-of-origin during your formative years. Unfortunately, in my experience, this sort of difficulty is not at all uncommon among transfolk. If there's a local in-person support group you could attend involving other folks dealing with this sort of thing, you might benefit, if you haven't already done something like that.

Quote

So now that I'm finally a legal adult I am transitioning. I do have several months before the estrogen makes drastic physical changes before I must move out.

This assertion of a timeline of "several months" does concern me. I'm assuming you're intending to move out of your parents' house, the same ones that don't approve? While this is obviously something you'll need to discuss with your medical doctor, and dependent on dose, and your own body chemistry . . . my own not-terribly-educated opinion but one nonetheless based on a lot of anecdotal reports is that the estrogen could make some significant changes prior to several months from its initiation. Basically, I'd caution you that you might not be able to entirely know in advance exactly when changes might take place. I would strongly recommend that if you're already on the hormones, that you already have or are seriously working on plans to move out . . . where you will live, the money required for that, etc., in case your parents notice changes before you'd imagined those changes would be occurring or that they'd be able to notice.

Quote

I can't understand if a female isn't trans and female to male why she takes her female body for granted and tries to look like a man. I feel that some feminists are technically totally contradicting feminism by trying to look and act like males rather then embrace all that is feminine and woman.

And . . . this would be the point in your journey where YOU will be needing to practice some acceptance and "approval" of choices made by others, even if you can't entirely understand them yourself at your particular stage. It's not hard to imagine how you might have conflicted feelings about butch lesbians (who I'm assuming you are referring to?) and/or other lesbians who might not identify specifically as butch but do proudly display characteristics you'd identify as masculine . . . . given your particular emotional background and extreme youth. But, especially as folks who fit into some aspect of the "queer spectrum" who are marginalized by many already and constantly, we have to at least practice acceptance of each other. Those negative feelings you might be having about butch lesbians? Those are YOUR negative expectations or emotions. It's not about them, it's about you, and that's something about which you need to come to terms. Just like you'd like others to accept your choices and come to terms with you as a person . . . it's all part of the same thing. You only want to date femme women? That's fine, and it's nice to know what you like, it narrows down the dating pool a bit, which can be helpful in some situations. But you do need to ACCEPT butch lesbians as a valid part of the spectrum.

In your post, you spoke about feeling at odds with expectations others had of you, or struggling with their desires regarding what would be "normal" for you vs. what you felt was "normal" for yourself. Many if not most butch lesbians felt the same way at least at some point growing up, and quite possibly still do today. This is something you have in common with them, NOT something that divides you.

And no, a woman that looks male isn't "contradicting feminism." True feminists want ALL possibilities for women, that all women can do and be and act and achieve whatever THEY want. They hope that whatever gender a person was assigned at birth won't be a limiting factor as to what that person can be in the world. That a sense of possibility and freedom of expression and being includes not only "all that is feminine and woman" but really, anything at all, including "acting like males" (whatever that means for you). Let's also not forget that "acting like males" once included things like voting, owning property, or studying at a university, and that women were once entirely denied those things because it wouldn't have been "feminine" of them.

Quote

I know I'm going to get a lot of heat from what I posted so I'm just going to brace myself.

If by "heat" you meant that we called you out on the incorrect ideas about feminism, then yeah, you got a tiny bit. ;) If by "heat" you meant something along the lines of disapproval for your transition, then no, no heat here thus far, and none will be tolerated in the future.

We do wish you luck in your journey, and again, please DO let us know how you are doing. :)

#5
phoenix99

  • Members
  • 65 posts
Hey there

Thought I would post my thoughts. I know exactly how you feel (except the exact opposite hehe, i'm ftm). Especially being young and just feeling as if you should be the opposite sex. I was the same way, I was always the dad.

I think it's great that you are doing what you need to do to make yourself happy, there is nothing better that you can do for yourself.

As for your question, I know I personally would definitely be open to dating and mtf, though they would have to be open to dating an ftm of course lol.

I wish you a lot of luck on your transition, and hit me up if you would ever like to chat about anything.
------------------------------------
But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
- Anne Bronte, "The Narrow Way"

#6
Orah

  • Members
  • 14 posts
No heat from me. Only support!

It sounds like you are doing the right thing for yourself. The people that know and like you as a man may have some problems relating, but that is THEIR problem. Yours is that you may find yourself having to develop a whole new set of friends and peers. Your therapist can help smoothe some of the edges, but you have a long and sometimes difficult road ahead of you.

If you have started HRT already, the most noticable thing was probably the mood swings and hot flashes. (Welcome to metapause!) If you haven't started yet, then you have that to look forward to. You may not even notice it, but the people around you sure will. It starts about a week after you start taking the "loading doses" and lasts about 2-3 months. By then your body will have normalized the hormonal changes.

Don't be surprised if your parents give you that talk about "drugs". They ARE bound to notice your altered (bitchy) behavior.

If you are certain that this is what you really want, then don't let anyone stop you from making your body match your mentality.

You really should seek out a good local support group. And you might also check out a site called Transgenter Network International (TGNI). TGNI is an internet support group for transexual and other transgendered people.

And, please try to leave the baggage at home when you do move out.

#7
Ilsa

  • Members
  • 6 posts
Dear V/R,

Perhaps I can provide a bit of insight for you. I am a lesbian who often has hidden my feminine beauty simply because I got tired of dealing with the attention I get from straight men.
It wouldn't be so bad if I could just tell them that I am a lesbian but often I have not felt safe or comfortable doing so. Other times I have told men I was gay only to have that fact encourgage them to come on even stronger.

This is just my experience but I know that many others share it.
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world" buddha





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users