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transition b.s.


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#21
phoenix99

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Quote

unfortunately, i know where the the concept of 'trans' was all my life. the very first transperson i ever met was back when i was 18. i was pretty much like 'cool, nice to meet you, how are you?' but the concept never really registered as being real in spite of that. in fact, up until nine years ago, trans was still something i read about in the headlines of the weekly world news. maybe i had a serious case of denial, but it never really registered in my head. however, when i finally decided to stop running and hiding from looking inside myself, trans was that missing piece to my puzzle. for myself, it was literally like finding the holy grail.

Isn't it funny how something can be so right in front of our faces and yet, for some reason just doesn't click? I know that type of thing happened to me as well. I would hear things about trans people, see talk shows, I even did research about sex changes (I was curious what exactly the surgeries entailed) and I saw Boys Don't Cry and remembered thinking "That is what I want" (not the violence part, but the living completely stealth and no one would know I was born female) and even after all that things didn't really click. Until a little over a year ago that is, when all of a sudden it came to me. And you're right, it's like finding the holy grail. It makes everything else make sense, and all the "signs" from the past show up and you smack yourself and think "Why didn't I ever know? It's so obvious!"
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But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
- Anne Bronte, "The Narrow Way"

#22
sherry41

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The concept needs a little time for gestation before it is "born" as a personal reality as a self concept. I just found it frustrating that I lived in denial for so many years trying so hard to live a "lie" about my gender. But all I can say is better late than never and move on.
I am intensely caring, compatssionate and creative. I am seeking a similar woman to complement me for a long lasting relationship. Maybe for life.
Sherry

#23
phoenix99

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But all I can say is better late than never and move on.

Word.
------------------------------------
But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
- Anne Bronte, "The Narrow Way"

#24
ashleigh

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i dont think i was living a lie. it was more like trying to drown in a bottle and or brawl to avoid looking. i followed the typical pretransition mtf path, just not for the same reasons. i never did anything to prove i was a real man or to make a real man of myself. i was just angry, wanted to die, and take as many with me as possible. alcohol only aggrevated/clouded the issue. the suicide attempts werent much help either.

#25
sherry41

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I simply tried to overcompensate for the feminine side in myself which just did not seem "right" with the role I was "supposed" to live. I first of all never knew there was any other option. Secondly I lived under parental and peer pressure that also blinded me to the woman in me that knew no way to acceptably express herself. Coping with these pressures takes many forms that are self destructive as the "coping" methods that you speak of Ashleigh. There are many ways to bury pain.
I am intensely caring, compatssionate and creative. I am seeking a similar woman to complement me for a long lasting relationship. Maybe for life.
Sherry

#26
ashleigh

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i actually ran into a shrink who thoroughly believes the gender identity dysphoria does not exist. his words were "you can't change nature. you must accept the fact that you are a man. hrt is very controverial and not proven to be effective.'' as the idea of being four-pointed , sedated and secluded was not my idea of a week of fun, he did not go from vertical to horizontal. temptation, temptation, temptation.

#27
sherry41

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Ashleigh, I do think that public opinion is just beginning to shift in our direction. Transamerica i making TSs a national issue to be reconed with. The some of the air heads in the psychology field will not want to rewrite the DSM so quickly. But the trend is finally changing and gives me hope. Not that it will be easy but maybe the closet will become more a thing of the past. The physical change for me this summer will have major impacts on family, friends and clients in my construction business.... a bit unnerving but the die is cast and I am not turning back. I am relying on my positive attitude to get me through this.
I can certainly understand your anger about your treatment. But I do hope we can find allies in allowing us to define ourselves as we know we are deep inside us. I have good support from my psychiatrist, psychologist and endocrinologist not to mention my TG support group. I do hope that your life improves as newer education and acceptance impacts on us.
I am intensely caring, compatssionate and creative. I am seeking a similar woman to complement me for a long lasting relationship. Maybe for life.
Sherry

#28
Alishia

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Hi,
Joining this late I'll have to read a lot to get up to speed. I agree, public opinion is changing for the trans community. As more of us are able and willing to come out, as well educate the public, they will get to know more about us. Unfortunaly this is and will be a painful ordeal, as it was and is for the gay community.
If and when someone decides to come out is a very personal choice. They need to base it on what they think they can handle and sacrifice.
For me the decision was hard. I do not hide my male past. My co-workers knew me as a male for several years before I started my transition. While it is a documented fact that most "t's" leave their job and start over, I have not and will not.
I found the term "hyper masculine" to describe some jobs very interesting. For me the issues at work are not only a "trans" thing but are also based on female discrimination. I have made a few FTM friends and am excited about learning what they are going through. We are fortunate to be in a time of open mindedness and "political correctness" as well as the ground work that was laid down by the gay community.[/u]
I'm A 51 yo, poly, pre-op trassexual woman interested in meeting women for outdoor activities, intelligent conversation and friendship. (intimate and non intimate) I love animals, photography and just hanging out.

#29
sherry41

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Hi,
I will have to work hard to overcome some prejudice that a building contractor has to be a man. While I have some concern, I just have to make it work. For old clients it will be a shock. the new ones will be easier. For me having FFS is of most immediate importance to not to raise eyebrows and get off on the wrong footing. My knowledge and skills are my anchor and as Sherry, I actually have better PR skills than as a man. I also cannot wait to go for SRS soon after. That is just to make me feel as whole as possible.
I am ready to face challenges ahead and tend to be flexible and a good problem solver. six years ago I did not even know of TGs and now I am on a fast track to get there.
I am intensely caring, compatssionate and creative. I am seeking a similar woman to complement me for a long lasting relationship. Maybe for life.
Sherry

#30
ashleigh

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i cannot/will not deny any part of my past no mater how distasteful and/or stupid it was. while going through my confused/escapist/not quite so sober phase of life, i learned quite a few things and had experiences that i otherwise would not have gotten to do if i had been able to transition early on in life. one of the things that i most look forward to, besides srs, is being able to teach cops and soldiers cqb. i find it most amusing that here are all these ultra macho guys being taught the trade by a chick. but then again, i am just a tad twisted to begin with. despite that minor quirk though, i am more than ready to do the housewife thing. just got to find the right woman.





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