unfortunately, i know where the the concept of 'trans' was all my life. the very first transperson i ever met was back when i was 18. i was pretty much like 'cool, nice to meet you, how are you?' but the concept never really registered as being real in spite of that. in fact, up until nine years ago, trans was still something i read about in the headlines of the weekly world news. maybe i had a serious case of denial, but it never really registered in my head. however, when i finally decided to stop running and hiding from looking inside myself, trans was that missing piece to my puzzle. for myself, it was literally like finding the holy grail.
Isn't it funny how something can be so right in front of our faces and yet, for some reason just doesn't click? I know that type of thing happened to me as well. I would hear things about trans people, see talk shows, I even did research about sex changes (I was curious what exactly the surgeries entailed) and I saw Boys Don't Cry and remembered thinking "That is what I want" (not the violence part, but the living completely stealth and no one would know I was born female) and even after all that things didn't really click. Until a little over a year ago that is, when all of a sudden it came to me. And you're right, it's like finding the holy grail. It makes everything else make sense, and all the "signs" from the past show up and you smack yourself and think "Why didn't I ever know? It's so obvious!"