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transition and orientation


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#1
tangel

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I can't be the only one who's had this experience.

Before transition, when I was deeply repressed, I thought of myself as a "straight man", albeit a fairly effeminate one. Guys would hit on me on occasion before transition, and while that didn't bother me, the idea of actually accepting such a proposition did.

I've been on estrogen eighteen months, and I've been full-time fifteen months. I could not explain what living as a male was like anymore, it's been too long and too much has changed. And, because I am physically attractive enough, and I am essentially unclockable, guys will on occasion hit on me.

I'm still pre-op, and I'm equally unhappy about that status as I ever have been (purely financial reasons), but now... I find that I'm more into the idea. I've even been on a date with a guy and thorougly enjoyed myself. Now, this was very recent, and he probably won't call back as I told him I'm trans... but the point is that I am more open to the idea and no longer exclusively attracted to women.

Has anyone else experienced a shift in their sexual orientation due to transition or shifting gender identities?

#2
phoenix99

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I have definitely experienced this. Before I came out as trans I was a straight female. In truth I wasn't attracted in a big way to anyone, but I dated men and only men, and was only attracted to men.

Being lesbian had crossed my mind before I came out, but it never stuck because I knew that label didn't fit. I wasn't attracted to women at all. However, I always thought to myself "If I were a guy, I would be a straight guy." So, it brought me to the realization that as female I wasn't really attracted to anyone, but I was supposed to like men so I did.I also think it was more of a "I want to be like that" thing, more than wanting anything sexual. As male, I am attracted to both men and women. However, I want to have relationships with women. In that, I would consider myself straight with bi tendancies because I can most definitely appreciate a beautiful man and would probably hook up with one, but would probably never have a long term relationship with another man.

Anyway, to make a long rambling post short, I understand sexual orientation shifting as your identity as a trans person shifts.
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But he that dares not grasp the thorn
Should never crave the rose.
- Anne Bronte, "The Narrow Way"

#3
ashleigh

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before transition, i didnt know if i was straight, gay, bi or just not choosy. of course i was also desperately trying to avoid looking inward and trying to figure it out too. as a rugrat, for some odd reason, i always saw myself as female and coupled with females. being that trans was not a real concept to me at the time, i thought i was gay. but that never worked/felt right and i also had, still have major issues with being intimate with males due to an unfortunate incident. i must say that if it werent for booze, i would have pulled my head out of my ass at a much younger age and actually figured out what was what.

#4
sherry41

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I have had to face both of your issues. After a long bad marriage where my wife often accused me of being effeminate. I tried my best to prove her wrong. She finally (thank God) ended it for a more masculine man (actually one who tried harder than I did to mask his insecurity). After a depression that involved many other loses all at the same time I tried dating men thinking I may be gay. I quickly realized that I was flattered that I might be a seductress to men and that it was a femininity in me that had ben latent to say the least and really was begging to come out than was my role in those brief encounters. About nineteen months ago my research into transgenderism came to the conclusion that I would begin hormones found overseas on line. Afew months later I found a support Group in the Mid Hudson Valley Transgender Association. From There I found an Endocrinologist to treat me for GID (although I do not see it really as dysphoria, but really self discovery. I see a therapist familiar with TSs and have 6 hours of electrolysis each week. I still do not live full time and at the moment both Jerry and Sherry appear in my Contracting AD. At my age and in Thailand I do not need to live full time a year before GRS. I plan a trip this summer for both FFS, GRS and breast augmentation. Now I have also realized some time ago that I am still attracted to women and date one now who accepts my cross dressing but I think it seems will not go the lesbian route which I am clearly on now. I have just found another woman who has known a transexual and that make my task much easier as she is familiar with what I am going through. This is just the beginning of emails but I like her and hope that something comes of it. Otherwise I know the difficulty I face of being accepted as TS by the majority of women in a relationship. This is all moving at both an exciting, somewhat scary and at times perplexing transition as I have to begin breaking the news to my son who does not like my cross dressing in the least and siblings as well as my professional contacts who will have to adjust to a woman contractor. While I have always been an adventurer this onrush of events is a great deal to adjust to. Of course there is trepidation, but I also experience great joy and a new sense of freedom. Recaping: my attraction to women has never changed but now I move from "straight" to lesbian.
I am intensely caring, compatssionate and creative. I am seeking a similar woman to complement me for a long lasting relationship. Maybe for life.
Sherry

#5
Krissy27

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as long as I can remember I have never liked the label "straight" I have preferred the term lesbian since I was 18, and this was before the trans issues. I came out to being bi after I started going in public as female, which I look at as extreme ratios--people have less issue with someone being bi than somene being trans so being trans------lesser social issues came to the surface, as I was able to realise myself. I have never been a staright man---if nothing else I was merely a man who liked woman. I have been more comfortable with being bi since becoming female however.

Partly because I am realizing I am able to let people think what they want much more easily, if I am at a staright bar I'm assumed to be straight likewise at a lesbian bar I am ssumed to be lesbian---I have also found that as I walk down the rabbit hole I get more stairs when I am out with a female friend I'm flirting with than if I am out by myself---ie I get the "Oh god it's the lesbians!" looks in those situations instead of---"Hey is that a dude?" looks.

Which is entertaining--but something to get used to as I used to say being trans was something that would be obvious--apparently it is not. But when I have a date I get looks--- which isn't bad it is just a very new experience to me. I have started to think much as with my trans status---I'll be upfront about it, but be a little bit more quiet about it when I am in certain situations---I have a straight bar I frequent and I always get shock when I refer to someone as an ex-grilfriend instead of simply ex. Again it is a very different situation to be dealing with. Although not necessarily bad---it is fascinating to me.

#6
sherry41

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We live live in a society that is intent on placing everybody in a box with a label on it. "straight" is just on of them. The irony is that transgendering changes my sexual preference for women (which has not changed) from what was formally "straight"(meaning I fit the "norm" of being attracted to the opposite sex) to lesbian (meaning to some an abboration of being attracted to the same sex). Of course in reality who gives a damn what box I am in.
I have to go to great lenghts just to live my life in the gender I believe I was meant to be, then jump through legal hoops to satisfy the powers that be to be deemed female.
What is important to me is having the free expression of my true identity and hopefully fall in love with the human being that attracts me and that just happens to be a female. I have no desire, myself, to put labels on all of this but my society forces me into following the proper protocol. I am what I am and just hope to find acceptance, yet know fully well that many will not understand or accept me. On the brighter side there seems to be a turning of the tide on these issues. I envy those far younger than I am who will reap the rewards of our begrudgingly changing world for most of their lives.
I am intensely caring, compatssionate and creative. I am seeking a similar woman to complement me for a long lasting relationship. Maybe for life.
Sherry

#7
CrazyCC

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No, no change for me. Let me introduce myself...

I became aware of my female self in 1998 when during a "switch gender" dress day for Halloween I came to work as a female pirate. The day went well, even though during the early hours, I was extremely nervous.

I was nervous because when the idea for switching genders was decided upon by my department, I emphatically stated that I would not participate. I had no rational reason for saying this. It was instinctive.

The whole month of October, I was asked over and over to join in as I was the only hold out. On the day before Halloween, while driving home after work, I decided to join the rest of the department.

As the day went on, I became more and more relaxed. Many of my co-workers had no idea it was me. It was a big surprise when they found out!

As the days of November and December passed, I was increasingly bothered by something. I missed being the girl that I was that day. I had no idea why. So I asked a co-worker, who was an out lesbian, for some support. I did not approach her because she was a lesbian, but because we were good friends and she was a girl.

To my surprised, she told me that it might be because I was homosexual. She even thought I was a closet homosexual because I was reserved, and because I had many female qualities and traits.

This surprised me to no end. I never had any attraction to men. I was married and had a daughter. So her thoughts just made me more bewildered. She then said that I might be transgendered. I had no idea what that even was, never having heard of the word before. She told me to go online to PlanetOut to see if the sections on Transgender might provide some answers and comfort.

Well, going to PlanetOut pointed me to many online resources that I scoured for information. I was so crazy about my feelings now that I took the advice on one web site to seek out a gender therapist.

After months of therapy, I came to understand many things. Between my therapist and my physician, I found out that I was born intersexed.

I always knew that I was an orphan, but this was the first time my intersexed birth was made known to me. I talked to the foster home "parents" that I had as a child, I talked to the orphanage were I lived between foster homes. And I use the threat of legal action to get my birth medical records from the hospital and orphanage.

Turns out that the doctors made the decision to make me male a few weeks after I was born. My birth parents abandoned me in the hospital right after birth because of my being born intersexed. So the doctor made the decision.

Also, every foster home I lived in had been told to watch for any female attributes that I might show and to be severe in making me stop. And when I reached puberty, and I started growing breasts, I was medicated to reverse my female characteristics. My "indoctrination" was so complete, that I pushed everything female about myself deep inside my psyche. It did not help that I was an orphan being pushed around and sexually abused by some "parents.""

It was this "indoctrination" that came to the surface when I was first asked about switch dressing for Halloween. And it was be female self that began to emerge in the days following.

That doctor had made the wrong choice. Today, an intersexd born child might be left alone until a gender is expressed or the child decides what surgery, if any, is to be done. But that was not the case back in 1955.

So, after three years of therapy, I started thinking an anti-androgen. Six months later, I started estrogen.

I have never been happier than how I felt when the male being within me started to melt away, even before starting estrogen. I calm came over me. It was like I had been reborn. In fact, I had been.

When my breasts started developing before I even started the estrogen, it was just another affirmation that I was born to be a girl, even though I was born intersexed.

I am still pre-op, and it is due to economics. I went to see the surgeon, who is in Montreal, Canada. The cost is more than half of what it would cost in the states but it is still out of reach.

The reason is because a year after I started my transition, and just as my job was making arrangements to support my change, I had a medical issue that ultimately resulted in my becoming disabled. It is called "Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome." The Genesis of this condition was an auto accident in 1988.

I had steadily become tired more and more easily. It got to the point where I was no longer able to work. So I am retired now.

Well, that is about it. I am comfortable with my new gender. I have problems with loneliness now. I miss working so much that at times I cry. I do wish that I might have realized my true self earlier. That is something I dwell on at times. Thinking about what my life would have been like and all.

But I have the upcoming trip to Toronto to take my mind off my troubles for now. I will deal with them again after I return. :)

CrazyCC

#8
sherry41

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Hi CC, I share with you the pain of having lived so many years in the wrong gender. I too wonder how much better my life would have been as a female where I am so incredibly more happy. My one consolation in my son who I love dearly, but who also has been poisoned by his mother that I am some sort of deranged social misfit. She quoted from the DSM that gender dysphoria is psychological disorder. So life is harder with him but I believe in the end our strong bond will ease our strained relationship.
Ironicly my ex-wife was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome which I believe is that same as what you have.
I hope your energy does come back which seems to have happened with my ex.
Good luck and I hope you can find employment that is not too stressful but gives you social contact.
I am intensely caring, compatssionate and creative. I am seeking a similar woman to complement me for a long lasting relationship. Maybe for life.
Sherry

#9
CrazyCC

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Thank you Sherry. Take comfort in knowing that having transsexuality/gender disorder in the DSM provides a sort of "legal protection" that can be used.
CrazyCC

#10
ashleigh

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yepper, it provides protection until you run into officers and psychiatrists who do not believe gid is a valid diagnosis even though it is in ths dsm iv. had a lot of fun with that one a while back. actually had to threaten with serious bodily harm to get released, which was a complete surprise that they complied. fortunately, i don't have to deal with that quack anymore.





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