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question about disabilities


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#1
ashleigh

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hope i am not so blunt as to be rude, just how in the hell does one deal with internal disabilities as oppposed to external? advice and comments desperately needed.

#2
lonely3weeks

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My Apologies ashleigh, but please elaborate???

#3
ashleigh

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in a nutshell, just how do one bring up mental illness without causing the other party to run screaming in any direction but yours? just as with most other illnesses like diabetes, this too can be manged in a succesful manner if the person accepts the responsibility for their illness. i mean, we don't introduce ourselves as "hi, i'm sally with palsy or some other illness." physical and/or mental illness does not replace our identities or our humanity. however, bringing the topic up is not exactly polite dinner conversation.

#4
lonely3weeks

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absolutely, i get what you're saying now
I actually suffer from depression and
while I don't feel it's something to be
ashamed of a potential partner may need
some sort of warning...
:roll:
at the moment I'm in a serious relationship
and she is fully aware of my situation, however
i tend to wonder, in different circumstances, when
the appropriate time would be to deliver that sort of
news... particularly as it's not the sort of thing you tell
someone to make them feel sorry for you - in fact that's
often the un-desired effect!

#5
AmiDenise

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I think that similar issues apply whether you have mental or physical issues. I think that having visible ailments eliminates some people without you even realizing it.

I have rheumatoid arthritis. Most of the time, you'd never know there was anything wrong with me. But catch me in the midst of one of my flareups, particularly if it's a really bad one, and you'd wonder how I manage to move. In fact, I've been asked on many occassions how I make it through the day. My answer has always been, "Well, crawling into a corner and dying didn't sound like fun today, so I'm getting by as best I can."

I've found that -- unless I feel like someone is going to encounter me in that situation -- I just don't tell them about it. I give them enough time to get to know me, and have some idea who I am. Then they learn about the other side of me. (For the record, it's not the weaker side either. It takes more strength and grit than I show in a healthy month to make it out of bed and through the shower when I'm having a horrific flareup.)

I think whether the issues are mental or physical, people's first reaction is naturally going to be sympathy. They don't realize how much it gets on your nerves after a while. I'd much rather have someone say, "Wow, you are one incredible woman and a survivor. I wish that I had your strength." Because honestly, it takes strength to endure depression, mental illness or physical ailments with dignity (obviously excluding 'pity party moments') and go on with your life. Cemeteries are littered with folks who lacked the strength that you have, the strength that led you to accept your condition and make the choice to live.

Look at it this way, our ailments offer the side benefit of being able to weed out those that aren't going to stick with us through thick and thin, illness and health. And the ones that stay are the ones that we really want to have by our side when the going gets tough.

Best of luck to you ladies!
One should no more deplore homosexuality than left-handedness. ~Towards a Quaker View of Sex, 1964

(As a left-handed lesbian, I'm particularly fond of this quote.)

#6
ashleigh

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i wish to thank the two of you for responding. for myself, i don't think the sympathy thing really applies. i am actually more afraid that it will make them run screaming in terror. besides dealing with depression, i also have thre major events contributing to ptsd. just remember that there is only one way for an american female to have earned a combat infantryman badge. besides having flashbacks in my dreams, i also fight in my sleep. fortunately none of my partners have ever been on the receiving end. it is lke i am fighting someone on the other side of them and i can't get them behind me for safety. this has also caused my kitty to sleep on or with me only while i am conscious. she leaves as soon as i fall asleep. and even though i cherish the comfort of sleeping with a partner, having my kitty sleeping with me was always a reassuring thing.

#7
lonely3weeks

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Hey my sweets,

wow...
"Cemeteries are littered with folks who lacked the strength that you have, the strength that led you to accept your condition and make the choice to live. "
powerful stuff babe! never think about it that way! i guess i haven't reached a stage where i can feel proud of my achievements battling this beast... mostly cos im still building up this foreign self esteem thing
(?who knew?)
but thank you... that says so much :) :cry:
I guess it's all about accepting yourself along with your faults...
sounds easy huh?? :shock:
good luck to you both my girls
love x

#8
AmiDenise

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I have to say that accepting myself and my faults was one of the hardest things I've ever done. A good therapist and Iyanla Vanzant's In the Meantime book and Living through the Meantime workbook were instrumental in my success.

Am I self confident every day? Absolutely not. Do I have days when I'd rather crawl into the corner and die? Definitely. On those days, I allow myself a limited amount of time for a pity party, then get my butt out of bed and call someone who loves me or do something for myself. (Those are usually the times when I go back to work with a different hair color -- usually pretty drastic change too.)

Thanks for the good luck wishes and I wish you the best of luck. Time and work will get you where you want to be.

Warmest wishes,
Ami
One should no more deplore homosexuality than left-handedness. ~Towards a Quaker View of Sex, 1964

(As a left-handed lesbian, I'm particularly fond of this quote.)

#9
ashleigh

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personally, i have major issues with self esteem. almost to the point of saying the hell with it. from a personal perspective, i believe self respect is more important, however that is one issue that my therapist and i differ over. i try to manage my condition as best i can. you know how different folks react differently to the same meds and so forth. having ptsd gives me a glimpse into the hell that my father lived through after serving in both korea and nam, both times as a combatant. anyone who strives for recovery and management of any condition has my utmost respect. just as an aside, it is a very bad idea to joke about giant space ants being at the head of the hospital's corporate board in the presnece of psych nurses.

#10
AmiDenise

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I have tremendous respect for anyone that is surviving with PTSD. I understand that the road to recovery is very long and rocky. I wish you the best of luck.

BTW, thanks for the aside about the giant space ants... You saved me from a potentially horrific team meeting tomorrow morning. Guess I need to find a new excuse for why my report is late. ;-)
One should no more deplore homosexuality than left-handedness. ~Towards a Quaker View of Sex, 1964

(As a left-handed lesbian, I'm particularly fond of this quote.)





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