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Disabilities and finding a partner


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#1
sheawakens

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Hello all,
I am a pangender, pansexual/lesbian who is new to this online community. I also am visually impaired and have severely low vision. Does anyone else who has some kind of physical disability find it difficult to find someone or tell someone about it? How does it affect your dating life? When do you think you should tell the other person? right away or wait a bit?

I was wondering if anyone could relate or wanted to comment on this. These are only general questions. I would really like to see what peoples thoughts are on this and where this topic will go.

Thanks.

#2
coffee.lady.cady

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I realize that you posted this question more than six months ago; however, I only recently joined and have been interested in the opinions I'm finding.

I, personally, am epileptic, which is a neurological disease with, occasionally, some rather obvious physical symptoms. For the most part, medication keeps my seizures under control, but certain things such as lack of sleep, too much caffiene or stress, or even hormone fluctuation during ovulation or menstruation can cause seizures. I'm always afraid to tell women that I'm attracted to about this, but also would prefer to warn them ahead of time, considering most of my seizures occur as I'm sleeping or falling asleep. (I figure the croppy-flop thing wouldn't be a pleasant wake-up surprise in the middle of the night.) :shock:

Actually, I realize that the fear is mostly in my own head, as every woman who's witnessed my seizures has only reacted with concern and understanding, whether she was warned ahead of time or not. My personal experience with women is that they seem to be, in general, very caring. Some women have definitely overreacted in the past, and I can only assume that they initially panicked (I would have been unconcious at the time). Still, they never appeared to think any less of me or treat me as unworthy because of what happened. Sometimes they just turned into mothers, wanting to know why it happened and how I could prevent it next time. :roll:

I'm curious whether anyone else has had this experience; not as an epileptic, but this feeling of insecurity, this fear of disapproval, even though no experiences seem to back it up? I'm also curious about any possible hypotheses on where we find these insecurities and why they're so difficult to get over?

#3
ashleigh

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i can't comment on the physical aspect of disability, but from the mental side, there is so much stigma attached to it, that it feels almost compulsory to keep hidden. that also leads to feelings of keeping some nasty secret from someone that is supposed to be on an intimate level with you, but feel that complete honesty is almost impossible. i am not saying one is worse than the other, only that i can't speak from a physical perspective.

#4
sparro

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Up until the last couple of years I have been fortunate to be healthy. Last years I was diagnosed diabetic. It runs in my family and for me is not a big deal. It just means lifestyle changes and a few inconveniences. I think what has been the hardest and most surprising is how people have reacted to it. They just don't know what to do, don't ask questions, don't say anything. At the same time they are frightened of it like it's catching or something. It can be frustrating.

I think that most people just don't know what to do and are afraid that they will do the wrong thing. Education, being up front for me at least is the best way to calm fears. Also encouraging them to ask questions is important. Just my .02

#5
Click

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I know exactly what you mean. I have bad vision as well. and I've never told anyone. in highschool people assumed I was "stuck up" seriously I just didn't see when they said hi to me, or I didn't remember the face. it still happens but I'm better at faking it. I really need to learn to trust that people won't treat me differently if I tell them about my disablilty. but so far I haven't and I don't want to esp if they can't tell anywayz.

let me know if you trust anyone enough to tell them. because I know I should I don't though.





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