i came out to one of my brothers and his wife first. we are really close, and my brother and his wife are great and really accepting. I came out to my parents and my other brother and his wife via e-mail. I tried to write them a letter first, but apparently it got lost in the mail and they never received it. I think my mom got it, and destroyed it, actually. Any way, so then I tried e-mail. they responded with a completely new e-mail, new subject line, none of my message, and just said "We love you" we have never actually talked about it beyond that. I know my parents can't handle it.I know my one brother cant handle it i knew if i told them in person, i would not be heard, and id just get a lot of hurt feelings and judgments out of it, so I wrote.
At Christmas time, I went home for a visit, ad while i was there I also filmed a message of hope for Gay and Lesbian members of my faith. At this point, i was toeing a line of "church approved" message and life style thinking this would allow me to be authentically me, and would be something that my parents could be accepting of and maybe even supportive of, because it didn't go against their beliefs. I don't regret doing the film, because i spoke very honestly about my feelings and experiences, though they were a bit edited and watered down.
However, just as I was heading to the airport to go home, my dad decided to pick a fight with me over it, and told me what I was doing was wrong (even though according to his beliefs, i actually hadn't done anything wrong). That harsh judgement at that moment showed me my dad is unlikely to ever be supportive, and we will probably never talk about it without fighting. my non supportive brother is just like my dad. My mom, however, over Christmas, showed me that she was willing to talk about things- one on one, when my dad wasn't around, that she was willing to have an open mind, and change some of her thinking. She admitted to having stereo types and bigotry about the whole thing, but that she was willing to learn and change her mind, based on my experiences. that's pretty much the only time we have talked about it, she isn't really comfortable discussing it, and she can't do anything that would cross my dad. I expect that my mom and my one brother will be supportive of me no matter what i do and choose and who i love, and however i live my life. My dad and my other brother probably wont support me or accept me no matter what i do, and that really breaks my heart and makes me sad. But, as hard as telling them was, I'm glad I did, because now I know where I really stand, and who I can really trust.
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after the long drawn out process of coming out to fiends, family, and coworkers, i just gave up. i mean what is the point of repeatedly subjecting oneself to such stressors? the signs are there for them to see, i honestly do not feel obligated to read the signs to them. if they know me well enough, then they also know my gender and orientation. for the rest, if scandal and gossip is what they are after, go read the paper.
the process of coming out for me started as damage control at first. tell the parental units first before someone with a big mouth and a grudge does. so it happens and gets swept under the rug for a few years. after all, out of sight, out of mind. this was while i was living in a different state than where i grew up. then a couple of years later, i came out again as ts. this was met with the coulda, woulda, shouldas. again, out of sight, out of mind. then finally got sick of it all, picked up my toys and said "screw ou guys, i'm outta here." well now the heffalump is in the living room. even though i had my own place, i was now accessible to the family. that is when the rift began. with all that, i still had come out to my friends in chunks of time. coming out to coworkers and even bosses. this is where i learned that coming out is a litmus test of relationships. after all of that, i finally just said "fuck it. i am me and they can choose how to deal or not deal with it." trust me, it sounds easier than it was, but it took a whole load of stress of my mind by being able to do that. your mileage may vary.
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