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I only want to meet other women that are REAL!


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#11
77lagata

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I would say that the term real is being used by most people for the simple fact that it is urban slang. You hear rap artists touting the fact that they are the "realest" and so on. Since it is inevitable that the majority will alter the way they speak to parrot what is presented in popular media, words like this will lose their clarity and take on an ambiguity that more intelligent people will disdain. I would also say, after reading through the thread here, that the word real is a simplification of each and every definition provided here. Some people would rather use the one word than to actually express themselves.

#12
77lagata

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In retrospect I was a little harsh, wasn't I? An apology is most definitely in order! I seriously didn't mean it as an affront to any person in particular; my thoughts were more geared toward generalities. It is much simpler and quicker to type out the sentence, "I only want real people," than it is to say, "I want someone who is honest, sincere, and who acts with the best of intentions." There are numerous reasons for a person to prefer the shorthand version - laziness, lack of eloquence, or even intentional vagueness for the purpose of casting as wide a net as possible. The list could go on I'm sure, but I believe that the root cause is essentially the same. Either the person cannot or will not take the time to elaborate, and to get her to do so would be the equivalent of pulling teeth.

In answer to a previous question, I believe that most people view themselves as whatever their definition of real is. We each like to think highly enough of ourselves to feel worthy of the attentions of other people, so in terms of tangibility and sincerity most people would believe themselves to be real. Otherwise, what purpose is there in reaching out to other people?

#13
ashleigh

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Actually, by using a single word to try and convey something, we are attempting to neatly label something. Much in the same way that people insist that gender is a binary concept. As I have noted before, it is easier for us to know what it is that we are not looking for than to know what exactly we are looking for. Approaching the issue from this side requires more thought and self searching, but at the same time it would also make our search for that someone(s) easier, because we now have a far more efficient selection process. There are times that binary decision making has its place. A simplistic example is I want apples. If my choices are not apples, then I simply move on. Yes this does eliminate the possibility of exploration and discovery, but there is always a time and place for everything. Perhaps we go through a series of bad choices in order to find out whether or not something can be compatible with ourselves.

As far as hidden agendas go, everyone has at least one. The only time the agenda comes out into the open is when we decide (un)consciously to bring it there. Quite honestly, I have certain dreams that I will never share with anyone. The very pursuit of them makes them hidden agendas. Just because I will not share them does not make them bad or even undesirable. It only makes them what they are-mine. Even though some of us claim to be open books, there is always something that we keep to ourselves. Aperfect example is the original interpretation of the Harry Benjamin Standards. As post-op females, we expected to basically step out of one closet and into another without getting caught. Right or wrong, that was the accepted requirements. After going through all the hoops and hurdles to get SRS, does that make the woman any less "real" than anyone else?For that matter, does it make any person, male or female, that is undergoing treatment for GID any less real because of the procedures involved?

#14
Jackie

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The utilization of a standard of ‘real’ with assessments of gender is beyond my meager cognitive capacities; now, with a choice of male or female to an inclination of sexual orientation, yes, it is most truly XX or XY (well, most of the time it’s ‘real’). Okay, I can deal with that. But please, allow me to dabble with my conundrum. What is real gender and where can I get some? So, here…… is where I think my confusion begins. Initially, gender appears to me as a social construct, and then follows the convincing arguments that as a general category it is primarily performative (i.e. Judith Butler, Gender Trouble, 1990). So, you may wonder how a transgendered person as myself gets herself to a point of reference; the necessity before the sliver of hope to a sense of reality (my realness?…help me, it is so confusing).

Well where do I begin, it had to be forty years after initial nascent revelations of an identity that has always proven itself so asymmetrical. The short of it is a meager but fortuitous understanding of an internal process that continually establishes a pristine consciousness of my intrinsic gender identity. Via a singularity of events that occur in my life every day, over and over; the perpetual substantiation of becoming….a female. For me, I experience my gender dysphoria as autogynephilia. So, my intrinsic gender identity along with sexual and gender orientations, sexuality, and other axes lead me to construct a performative woman gender identity. Now, is this real? I do not have a clue, but it is me. If someone has a better explanation or answer, please let me know.

To posit the ‘real’ this or that is a great starting point that helps me work with understanding my complicated situation. Of course in this case, I never make it with a final solution, but I get enough of it to get on with my life. Sorry, if I rambled……………………………………………...

#15
ashleigh

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I believe that the usage of the word "real" is based on the assumption that everyone knows what the person is talking about. However, the reality is that when this word is used, nobody is going by the Merriam Webster definition. The only time that "real" ever does get anything resembling a solid definition is when we are actually pressed for clarification. Basically, the usage of "real" is based on a fuzzy definition and fuzzy definitions bring fuzzy results. A stop sign is pretty hard to misinterpret. No matter where one lives, it means the same thing. Unfortunately, our vocabulary does not.

#16
illuminosity

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I think "real" is code for no game players, drama, etc.

But of course the unpleasantries of human relationships won't be magically repelled just by saying we don't want them.

#17
ashleigh

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I will agree with you up to a point regarding the usage of real. However, any human relationship, whether it be friend, mate, or even business partner, is going to have its fair share of games, drama, conflict, good times and times that truly test the strength of the relationship. Drama, like anything else, is unavoidable. Definition #3 from the Merriam-Webster dictionary states that drama is a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces. The previous definitions describe works of art, literature, etc involving the expression of those forces. Granted, this is a course that is unavoidable, but there are also folks who appear to either invite, attract, or create more than what naturally occurs. Given this scenario, does that make the person any less "real" than another? There are certain occupations that can accurately be described as intensely dramatic. EMT's, emergency room personnel, law enforcement of various types, firefighters,etc. Because of the intensity of these occupations, people involved also have a higher relationship failure rate that average. Just because the job may be dramatic, does not mean that the person can keep the job residue completely seperate from the rest of their life. PTSD is a prime example.

#18
Jackie

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I think the colloquial use of ‘real’ is code talk with relationships, and as such, there is an implicit designation of “I’m not in this for the drama, games, etc. But I want to find and feel the genuine and authentic.” Albeit easier said than done, there is always the hope that now, Ms. Right is finally in my house.

Hope springs eternal!

:lol:

#19
misstheresa

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Hey guys! I've read this thread before. But I had no idea what to say about it. Until now! My first lesbotronic friend just used it haha.

Within her context, (I guess I will show her and ask her later, so she can explain it herself) I think she was implying that ...

Dangit. Okay. Context:

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I asked her to Facebook me, and she did. Except, she couldn't see most of my profile, because I forgot that I had a master friend list because of the way I chose to organize my friend lists for my privacy settings. In her e-mail, she inquired about the blank nature of my profile haha. I'm not going to quote exactly, because I didn't ask her permission. But she said something about being wary about meeting people online sometimes and hoping they were real.

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Yeah! So I think you see where I'm going with this! I think those individuals (or a good chunk of them?) who mentioned wanting to only meet real people were possibly running into others who did not appear to be completely honest about themselves (for unknown and probably diverse reasons).

As for a solution, I have no idea. I feel like your questionnaire is comprehensive enough as it is. And that you do a very solid job of filtering out the "wankers" ^_^

But yeah! LOVE YOUR SITE! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! KEEP IT UP!!!!!

#20
Rosey-Poo

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I am completely guilty of using this term and not giving much thought to whether or not my audience understood "real" meant to me.

When I used "real" in relation to another person, it meant that they were sincere, straight forward, and honest. The kind of person who will tell it like it is and thinks freely. Somebody who is not superficial, two-faced, or gossipy.

Now that I see how different everyone's idea of what "real" means, I will be more careful with how I use it.





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