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meeting someone new - my confusion/dilemma


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#11
lesbotronic

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Lesbotronic Community Guidelines:

http://www.lesbotron...topic.php?t=445

. . . specifically around being unnecessarily insulting to other subscribers. Farandolae, your posts are very interesting and thought-provoking, but you needn't be unnecessarily insulting to Ramona. Our read of everyone's posts is that while you may disagree with Ramona and you're entitled to that disagreement, she was polite and at least from our reading, trying to be helpful or informative. Alrighty? No more insults. Personal attacks no good for this forum.

Thanks, hope we won't have to intervene again.

#12
meximom

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Hi. Well flirting and meeting people? Hmmm. I have the same dilema. I'm new at this myself. I am able to talk to someone but I have a crazy fear of making the first move. Once I get to know someone I usually just talk about things we mght have in common. I'm not sure how to get things started. How strong to I come on to a female? Is it to strong? Am I not flirting enough? Am I bragging about myself? I don't know. My bad luck is that I keep getting the crazy almost drunk girl or the one that just broke up with someone. Or my favorite I start to talk to someone and she has a girlfriend.

#13
Farandolae

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Update:

I'm adding this final comment from me for the very unlikely chance that someday someone who perceives like I do will read this thread. It's information.

So look -- I found who I was looking for. It's not impossible. Or at least it wasn't in my case. We met in a combination of ways, we were talking online from a post I made on another site, and then we showed up to the same event. Best of both worlds, and not something I could replicate if I tried.

The advice I would give to someone else trying to do this is: follow your instincts, whatever you call them. And hope she's following hers.

I was thinking last night about this discussion thread on this board. Describing the discussion -- all the pieces of it -- to this woman I've met.

And then thinking in particular about Rural Technophile's question (which I didn't mind at all -- really appreciated how she engaged with me overall). Anyway, the question asking whether I would be open to being with someone who is sympathetic in some way but doesn't perceive like I do. She raised what I see as a very real concern that I would end up being lonely if I was so focused in who I was looking for. I said no. And I still agree with myself on that.

It's possible that I still might end up being lonely. Who knows what can or will happen. And it's possible that without the intervention of some sort of chance/luck factor, I would never have connected as I have with this marvelous woman I've met.

But truth is, really seriously -- the way I see it, this possibility is completely worth the risk of being lonely. Because with someone not like this, I would lonely anyway. And because there are levels of connection not possible for me if I try to have them across this particular divide. It was good that I was willing to not settle. For me, at least.

So if by random chance anyone who is like me ever reads this thread -- obviously you'll make your own decisions, but just know that in one case at least, it wasn't impossible. There are others here, really there are. Email me if you want to talk about it more (My email address should be visible to forum members).

#14
Painted Brumby

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Quote

Hi. Well flirting and meeting people? Hmmm. I have the same dilema. I'm new at this myself. I am able to talk to someone but I have a crazy fear of making the first move. Once I get to know someone I usually just talk about things we mght have in common. I'm not sure how to get things started. How strong to I come on to a female? Is it to strong? Am I not flirting enough? Am I bragging about myself? I don't know. My bad luck is that I keep getting the crazy almost drunk girl or the one that just broke up with someone. Or my favorite I start to talk to someone and she has a girlfriend.

Intellectually, I know it's in my best interest to be myself. If I need to "walk on eggs", in order for a relationship to develop and exist, that's an indication to me that something is not right for me. Talking with lots of people helps one feel more at ease, too. Some people are easier to talk to than others. And, some people tend to just naturally bring out the best in one another. You know when you click with someone. Sometimes, it takes a little longer than other times to find out whether you click or not. (Just like with a book, to be fair you have to read at least 100 pages before you decide whether it's a good read or not.) There are lots of different personalities. So sometimes, it's apparent right away and other times it takes longer. Taking it a little slow in the beginning may allow both of you to get to know each other enough, before deciding whether to pursue the friendship/relationship or not. (And, that reminds me of another subject - people may cross our paths for many reasons. It's important that we have a good circle of friends, too.) If you decide you'd like to get to know them better, then you could test the water a little, before jumping right in. It might work for you, for example, to invite them to an impromtu cup of coffee or tea, or a trip to the book store (this is actually an interesting place to explore together and learn about each others interests and you, if you feel comfortable enough with the person, swing by the lesbian section of the store, to see what their response is.). Just to spend a little time with them at first, to see how that goes. Then, see if they'd be interested in lunch or dinner and/or a movie, or whatever. You can, also, get to know them in group settings, too. Like inviting them and your trusted friends to a facial party or pizza party (you supply the pizza crusts/eveyone else brings the toppings - just don't make the party so big that you are in the kitchen for the whole party). There's some good tips posted on here, under Frequently Asked Questions, if you are interested. Hope this was a help to you.

#15
Farandolae

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I'm the one who started this thread.

I wrote:

Quote

I'm looking for women who, like me, feel any sort of deception (even subtle stuff, like subtle disconnect between words and actions, use of words for anything other than stark accuracy of description, etc) as wrongness/pain. Viscerally. I'm at the point in my life where I don't want to have close personal connections without sharing this attribute.

I did find the woman I was looking for, but not who I posted about in November.

We're getting married. I have never ever wanted to be married before (though I have been in a couple of long-term relationships). Meet the right woman and it all changes. Or it did for me.

We did in fact connect online. Not through lesbotronic.com but online and with an intensity of very honest written communication. First as friends. And then more.

What I was seeking is real. I've learned a whole whole lot about all of this in my seeking.

Anyone who feels things as I described and wants to connect with others like you (for friendship, in my/our case) please feel free to email me.





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