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Religion.


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#1
Fammikins

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I know, this is just another topic some couples can't talk about, right? Sadly it shouldn't be and that was the case with my first relationship just last year. Yes, it took me a looong time to get interested in dating. I did love it and I thought I loved the lady, however I was proved wrong.

Please. If you're religious, don't let this thread offend you. That isn't my intention here. I respect those with religion. However I've basically turned down anyone who is religious because I believe it'll mean trouble for the relationship since I'm Agnostic.

This was in senior year of high school and we were at her house a lot. I remember she introduced me to her parents only as a friend, which I didn't mind. She didn't want her family knowing just yet and I was comfortable waiting.

Now keep in mind the most we ever did was kiss and cuddle. I'm old fashioned that way, despite the fact that she, the "good religious gal", wanted more. She knew I wasn't comfortable with that and let me be. However even after we would have our snuggly moments or make out, she'd express guilt which baffled me. If she was so engrossed with her religion why was she even bothering me?

"I'm curious to know what it's like being with a girl, I just wanted to see what the fuss was about, you know?"

I don't think she realized it but that answer stung. Just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean I'm some experimental free spirit. [I can be, but certainly not in the sense that I'm up for testing by others in their sexuality! I'm too romantic for that and am only interested in lesbians, not bisexuals. She knew that.] I broke up with her a week later.

It was a civil break up and we've stayed in touch.

This isn't my first or only negative run in with religion. There have been plenty others. Bibles thrown at me, accusations, etc. The example I used here is the only relationship related one I have though.

I'm sure time will help ease me into dating those with religion again. However I'm reluctant to make that transition. Anyone else have thoughts/experiences on dating those with/out religion?

#2
Shannon1981

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I have had many bad experiences with organized religion, not the least of which is my eternally fundamentalist Christian family and their views on homosexuality. Also, I have learned, very painfully, time and time again that with people of faith, their beliefs will always come before you. No exceptions, unless they are of the variety who are questioning anyway. I cannot see myself dating anyone deeply religious. That might be prejudice, but it is truth. In fact, I had a knock down, drag out fight with a now former friend just now on the fan site of my favorite singer over a blog I wrote negating the truth of Christianity, and asking people not to try to convert me. She got all self righteous and offended, we ended the friendship with her calling me a fraud and a liar and intolerant. Sorry, no room for that in my friendships, much less a relationship. That isn't being prejudiced, it is just knowing that, from experience, it just won't work. I have plenty of friends of faith who agree to disagree, but it seriously seems to be something that eventually drives a wedge, so why waste time,when both people are strong enough in their convictions that you know in your heart of hearts it just won't work?

#3
Tsubaki

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Interesting.. well, I'm a muslim.

Freaked out much yet? lol! yeah we get that a lot. Personally, I think that people that are intolerant of others' ideas or believes aren't true to their believes/religions to begin with, because all religions in this world -regardless of which or where- advocate acceptance of others' and their believes, without pushing yours down their throats, etc. Heck, I won't even phase about a satanic, as long as they're not the type that go kill innocent creatures to offer as sacrifices to the devil or something like that. I don't mind a different mindset just not a psychotic one lol! As grown ups I think civilized discussions where the two parties express their opinions and their side of view to the other without expecting anything more than mere understanding would be a great and wonderful thing, I always aim at that, but sadly more often than not it just does not work. It's only when people can open their minds to the world will they finally be able to communicate freely with one another.

#4
Jackie

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Religion and relationships: OMG!

I know with this topic it is best for me to run and hide, but oh…..here I go again! I like to begin with saying, in a traditional sense, I’m not religious in that I do not directly associate with socially established and structured religious groups, but in the sense and to the degree I choose to be spiritual, I am a religious woman. So, here is where the crux begins with me. I have a great propensity to connect with the goodness in people, generalize various moral values, and then relate these values to greater ethical social goods; well, so far as I can allow myself. But many organized religions teach moral values that are universal and exclusive. Such a moral education can result in a narrow perspective. (Of course, how did they happen to come across universal knowledge and am I a reprobate for demanding that religious institutions espouse and respect certain standards of human value that are germane to the culture we are currently living in? Can you guess my first question?...... Just what the hell is wrong with being LGBTQ?)

Oh yes, where was I…something like we’re taking about religion and relationships. Okay, well it doesn’t take much to understand that with the American culture, we have our wonderful patriarchal system; you’ve hear of it: male, white, rich, and politically and socially connected. And many of the established religious institution work to preserve the status quo from generation to generation, and at the same time, they have to function as pseudo-change agents. Time-out! Where am I at? Ugggg. Oh, yes! With how many well established religious groups is being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, or queer (or a combination, yea, that works with me) considered a part of the status quo? Somewhere in someone’s dreams!

So, I am sure there are pockets of support within organized religion for GLBTQ, but on the whole, it will not be there. But, I have found many individuals in traditional religious institutions who sympathize with the rights of individuals to live lives in a manner that is respectful and dignifying of who they are and what they are. I think it is best to engender their support OUTSIDE of any socialized religious framework.

Finally, getting to my deal-breaker, I have no interest, EVER, in personally sharing or discussing my sexuality, orientation, gender identity, gender expression, or overall queerness with an individual who defines hir corresponding self primarily through the precepts of religious institutions or some other silly perspective. Why; hell, THE PERSON IS IN DENIAL. Closing the eyes is usually an effective way to avoid looking at something; it worked with me last time I tried it. She may be a buddy or a fling, but we will never have any prospects to or with a substantive personal relationship. I had to learn with an abundance of mistakes. Yea, I’m good at making ‘em.

Jackie. :lol:

#5
anauneemous4now

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I am an atheist. I consider myself to have strong ethics about what I consider to be right and wrong in life. I just don't need/want organized religion to tell me how I should live my life in the hope of ending in a place I do not believe in after I die. Last year, I dated a woman who goes to church and claims to aspire to live in a "state of grace" (her own words). She was a cheater and a liar, and just couldn't handle the fact that I did not believe in God. She dumped me for another Christian woman who also happened to be the partner of 18 years of another woman whom she had an affair with last summer and is in prison for drug use. I am not sure how I ended up getting sucked up into such a messed up person's life but I did and I ended up with a broken heart while she seems to be enjoying a relationship... So, anyone who needs to go to church for her Jesus fill on a weekly basis is now immediately ruled out as a potential date... It sounds extreme but I have been burned and I won't let it happen again...

#6
Kimikimochi

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I'm an atheist. I have been since I was a kid. I get really irritated when someone tries to convince me that what I believe is crap, which is why I avoid going on a douchey atheist rant against someone who happens to believe in a higher power. It's none of my business what another person believes. Unless they shove it in my face or it insinuates itself into my personal life, I don't care. Still, I find dating religious people...difficult. Usually because the girl will invite me to her church, or synagogue as once was the case, and I'll feel extremely uncomfortable as I sit in that pew listening to a religious figure go on about something which goes against everything I believe. And if we were to ever have kids, then I wouldn't know how to handle the religious thing. In my opinion, my kids should make up their own minds and not have someone else tell them what they should think, but I have no idea if the other person in the relationship would agree with me. That would bother me quite a bit. So, though I hate discriminating against anyone, I think it would make more sense for me to date someone who was an atheist or agnostic.

#7
stephye205

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I feel the same way about religion and I am also Agnostic, after being raised Catholic. I feel like I could not be in a relationship with someone who is devoted to any religion. I have friends who are very religious, and they will not stop talking about God in everything. Every aspect of their life is controlled by God, and sometimes they use God as an excuse for them being the way they are instead of facing themselves. I don't have a problem with organized religions because i believe they are very beneficial to some, but having God in every conversation is kind of annoying. Especially when arguments spring up. Having religion basically thrown in my face everyday gets me irritated because sometimes they would condemn you to some dreadful end because you do not have the same "faith" or whatever that they have. I do believe to each his/her own, and that is the same reason why I believe everyone should keep their religious views or their need to convert others to themselves.

#8
Sheena

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Religion can be a big deal in relationships for both parties--the one with it or the one without it. I can understand how people without can feel oppressed or judged by the person with, but I can also offer some insight into the mind of the one with religion. While I don't consider myself to be one of those stereotypical close minded bigots, (hello I'm here, aren't I?) I do consider myself to have a strong faith. With me, the reason I tend to shy away from forming serious romantic relationships with people with different religious philosophies, or without them, is because according to my religion I'm saved. I'm forgiven. I'm blessed. If I love someone, I want them to have the very best, and I believe that's the faith I've found. I want them to feel that peace, that love, that closeness to the Creator. I want to know that when we both die, we will be together. Granted, I know a lot of people don't believe in the afterlife, or that religion has any benefits whatsoever to offer, but to someone who does believe in those things it makes sense. Obviously there is never a good excuse to cram your beliefs down someones throat...But when you honestly believe someone's dying of thirst, and you honestly believe you have a cup of cold water in your hands, it hurts not to at least try to give them some.

#9
inthefearofmadness

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It's alright, I can relate. I, too, am agnostic, and living in a very Catholic country can really... bring you down. Personally, I don't mind my partner having a religion. What I do mind, however, is when they shove it down my throat and force me into it. Religion is just something that I don't see myself believing in anymore. I'm so tired of everything in school, at home, and everywhere else, even in politics (though in the constitution it says that the church and state are separated -- yeah, right!) is always about religion! I'm so tired of it. What's worse are those stares that go "Ohh that girl is agnostic she doesn't have faith wow she's weird". Ugh, they're the worst!

#10
ashleigh

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Just wait until someone tells their mate that they are a satanist. To be a fly on that wall would be most entertaining. As with atheists, agnostics, and pagans of every stripe, we all know what something is until we are asked about it, then the misconceptions fly like the wind.





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