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Cheating II: Maybe Worried About Heterosexuals, Just Lately


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#1
lesbotronic

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(OK, this post isn't actually a poll. But it's associated with the other post in this same area, "Cheating I.")

Some might be surprised that WE'D be surprised by ANYTHING having to do with women looking for other women via the internet. Particularly, cheating, since we do actually have just that as an option on our personals questionnaire.*

But meanwhile, we ARE still frequently surprised by stuff, including cheating. We're actually not incredibly jaded, we're still rather . . . romantic, at heart.

Lately, we've been surprised at the incredible influx of profiles from mostly and/or allegedly heterosexual women who want to cheat on their Live-In Dudes: Defining that as husbands or boyfriends with whom those women have a residential, serious, committed, supposedly monogamous heterosexual relationship.

Sure, this sort of thing has been going on since the dawn of time, or thereabouts, no doubt.

But lately, at least on this site, it has been madly PROLIFERATING! Like wildfire. Like it has gone viral. And, it doesn't seem trendy in an age or geography-related way, either. It's just ALL over the place. Gone global.

Let's just be super clear here what we mean here, with the proliferation. We are talking about women who:

- have a Live-In Dude
- want to have a sexual relationship with a woman . . . sometimes someone just like them, but often they'd like to meet an actual lesbian
- are looking to meet this woman via the internet
- do NOT want their Live-In Dude to know anything about anything at all, ever

We have some various but probably vague thoughts on this, but wanted to put it out there first, not necessarily prejudicing anyone else's potential response.

What do YOU think is going ON with this?

Why do so many women these days want to cheat on their Live-In Dudes?

What the eff is wrong with the Live-In Dudes?

Or what is going on with THEM?



* (for more on the why of that if you're feeling confused or upset about it, please see our faq:
http://www.lesbotron...-questions.html

click on:
Why do you allow CHEATERS to sign up?)

#2
Ramona

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OK, so just to be even more clear here, in case I'm misunderstanding something, you're NOT saying that cheating in general for all demographics seems to be a more popular idea.

You saying that the desire to cheat on your partner seems to be becoming more popular than ever in JUST the demographic above?

You're NOT seeing a rise in interest in cheating for lots of other demographics too, including lesbians, openly bisexual women, people who ID as poly, etc.?

#3
lesbotronic

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Quote

You saying that the desire to cheat on your partner seems to be becoming more popular than ever in JUST the demographic above?

You're NOT seeing a rise in interest in cheating for lots of other demographics too, including lesbians, openly bisexual women, people who ID as poly, etc.?

YES. That is exactly what we are saying. (Again, at least on THIS site, not necessarily all other places on the internet, because obviously we wouldn't know about all other places on the internet.)

But it does seem to be an emerging social phenomenon here.

#4
Ramona

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I think a few things might be going on here.

First, the lesbotronic profile is more in-depth than most personals sites, definitely anything free. Thus, predisposed toward those wanting lasting connections. Even if we're talking platonic instead live-in long-term romance (or whatever between), it's not a strictly superficial, hang out for a week or two then "what was her name, again?" sort of deal.

So anyone wanting strictly superficial, very short-term relationships is probably turned off by the length of the questionnaire.

But second, it's also more private than other personals sites. THAT probably appeals to those who have something to hide from others, those that want to place a personals, but NOT have their info available to everyone else.

SO, if you're someone of any orientation or life situation looking for a short-term, mostly superficial relationship, but you DON'T have much to lose if the rest of the internet saw your profile, this site is probably not that appealing.

But if you ARE someone who has a lot to lose if the rest of the internet finds out . . . this site IS more appealing to you, just for the privacy. Even if you are looking for a shorter-term, more superficial relationship, you might go ahead with the longer profile, just because this is more private.

Ergo, I think any lesbians/openly bisexual/openly poly/openly non-monogamous women looking for superficial and shorter-term stuff might be finding it mostly elsewhere. By "openly" I mean, they don't have much to lose if the rest of the internet found out.

I think that might explain the stats on sexual orientation, current life situation, and "cheating."

But it still doesn't explain the overall rise in supposedly hetero women looking to cheat on their "Live-In Dudes."

Someone else will have to explain that to me too. Anyone? ANYONE AT ALL?

#5
kladdaugh

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Quote

What do YOU think is going ON with this?

Why do so many women these days want to cheat on their Live-In Dudes?

What the eff is wrong with the Live-In Dudes?

Or what is going on with THEM?

In general, I know a lot of pan/poly girls and have seen a lot on dating sites looking for women to date. What freaks me out is when they're looking for a bi or lesbian woman to fool around with, instead of maybe going to a gay bar and meeting a couple of non-hetero women.
I can't judge too much here, because I did meet a great lesbian couple on here, who approached me online for friendship, and they're awesome.

What do I think is going on with this? I see a couple possibilities. She was a LUG or BUG in college or high school, or just after/around graduation from either. She never really got to do more than experiment with kissing and fondling, and she wants to try it with someone who knows what she's doing. (Maybe she should try an older lesbian. Some I've met were so smexy! If I didn't have druthers about dating someone my mom's age!)

Why do so many women want to cheat on their live-in dudes? First, I think it has to do with BPAs effecting hormones and how attracted we are to one another. Second, a documentary I watched said that when women were not menstruating, they were more attracted to men with feminine characteristics, but when they were ovulating, or circa-ovulation, she wanted a more masculine guy. I don't know if they applied the same test to bisexual women and lesbians, but in theory, it would hold true for bisexuals possibly. I seem to recall theyw ere Austrian or German women, though, so who knows?

What the frell is wrong with their guys? Hmm, again, BPAs? Maybe an unhealthy diet and lifestyle leading them to a life of lethargy, and a culture that makes them feel inadequate, or a subconscious sense that they are not satisfying to their partner? I felt that way while involved with someone who cheated on me for months.

It's normal for a person to psychologically change sexuality as much as they psychologically change gender, literally different from one point in the day or week to another. I gave up on all that nonsense when I recognized myself as GQ.

#6
shalee

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I'm going to jump in with a more obvious answer to this topic. We have become a society where programming like the L Word has become mainstream. Titillating wondering is suddenly right out in front of everyone that is curious. These women just might want to see what it's like to be with someone that expresses herself verbally with the empathy and sensitivity as another woman. How does that translate sexually or sensually? The boundaries are blurring on our sexual expressions.

Some women may seek to give their male spouse a fantasy with a threesome with a lesbian participant. I thnk there is a titillation factor for some with the whole competition thing. Can a lesbian be a better lover to a woman than a man?

This crosses into another topic for me regarding risking relationship with a bi woman. Because the political and economic slant favors men and the societal judgement still supports the heterosexual path of relationship I avoid relationships with Bi women. It's too easy to turn back to a man if financial security is an issue or familial pressure to be a traditional family unit comes into play. That's my fears, anyway. It would really irk me if a woman left me for a man. Just saying.....

#7
chrissyeuro

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I work at a bar. My roommate is a lesbian and the bartender... I am the cook. We both get hit on by so called straight women at least a dozen times a week. Some women are married some are not. Its happening via internet but also outside the internet. In my opinion many of women submit to society and live in traditions to satisfy the norm. These women for whatever reason such as fear , financial stability , unhappy sex life, lack of communication with her husband,etc. are seeking a desire even if its for a moment. Most I really believe are closeted lesbians but some just think its safer to have an affair with a woman.





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