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Fear Of Commitment


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#1
kladdaugh

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:vava: <-- (my heart after women with a fear of commitment)
Maybe I'm the only one here who thinks this or is hurt by this, which is fair enough, but a lot of women seem scared to death of commitment. The ones I hear it from make it sound like they're perfect and don't "need" anyone else. You'd think that in one's late 20s you'd hear less about not wanting to be attached to someone, but it's the opposite. It's all about themselves. It makes you feel so ugly and degraded to have a life with you so marginalized that you don't want anything to do with them, and they don't think that it's offensive to be told you're an obstruction to their greatness, because you don't want to just be a fling.
:guitar: <-- (me without people who carry such negative projections about others)

#2
Jameson

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I find that rather off-putting as well. Sure, maybe discussing marriage on the second date is not entirely realistic, but the need for acknowledgement that humans are social creatures is critical. We would not be where we are without help and support from others. The whole byronic hero mentality is degrading to both parties. Commitment should not be something of which to be afraid. It should be an extension of an already developing relationship.

#3
Wickedyke

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So tell me, how many shining examples of good, healthy, positive committed relationships have you EVER seen? Up close and personal-like, not in the movies or on TV? Heterosexual or homosexual, long-term committed partnerships are hard to come by. If you have no role-modeling of it, what you're left with is what's imprinted on your brain watching your parents or other adult role models, crap in the entertainment media, and patriarchal notions of "proper." So I ask you, is it more strange to be afraid of "commitment" (you can also be "committed" to a mental institution) without knowing what that entails with each person, or to be wary of tying oneself down to an unrealistic set of expectations and pre-determined roles one is demanded to fill?

Commitment is SUCH a loaded word, and can mean so many different things, and can have such a devastating effect when it goes wrong, that an intelligent, introspective, self-respecting woman with a healthy dose of self-preservation and wisdom gained from experiencing the world as it is SHOULD be on her toes about commitment.

I'm sorry someone gave you a line about being in her way, that was rough and unnecessarily cruel but really, it's not YOU, it's them (me) and you've just dodged a bullet, if you think clearly beyond your immediate hurt. You are a great catch, for the right woman. Keep that in mind, and when you find the right woman, the commitment will flow. The moral is that it's OK to be single, and to consider your options before committing to anything or anyone. No one can make a promise or guarantee about OUR future together, and that's reality, which is where I live. I hope more women will join me here. /endrant #highhorse

#4
kladdaugh

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View PostWickedyke, on 06 January 2013 - 08:29 PM, said:

So tell me, how many shining examples of good, healthy, positive committed relationships have you EVER seen? Up close and personal-like, not in the movies or on TV? Heterosexual or homosexual, long-term committed partnerships are hard to come by. If you have no role-modeling of it, what you're left with is what's imprinted on your brain watching your parents or other adult role models, crap in the entertainment media, and patriarchal notions of "proper." So I ask you, is it more strange to be afraid of "commitment" (you can also be "committed" to a mental institution) without knowing what that entails with each person, or to be wary of tying oneself down to an unrealistic set of expectations and pre-determined roles one is demanded to fill?

Commitment is SUCH a loaded word, and can mean so many different things, and can have such a devastating effect when it goes wrong, that an intelligent, introspective, self-respecting woman with a healthy dose of self-preservation and wisdom gained from experiencing the world as it is SHOULD be on her toes about commitment.

I'm sorry someone gave you a line about being in her way, that was rough and unnecessarily cruel but really, it's not YOU, it's them (me) and you've just dodged a bullet, if you think clearly beyond your immediate hurt. You are a great catch, for the right woman. Keep that in mind, and when you find the right woman, the commitment will flow. The moral is that it's OK to be single, and to consider your options before committing to anything or anyone. No one can make a promise or guarantee about OUR future together, and that's reality, which is where I live. I hope more women will join me here. /endrant #highhorse
Actually, the majority of my various friends and acquaintances are in that rare fifty percent that held out without divorce, but we aren't necessarily talking about marriage, as much as just slipping into a committed relationship. I'm alright being single. It's normal for me. But it just makes me feel irritated to be objectified in that way. (If you're must objectify me, at least make it as the sexiest genderqueer you've ever seen.) :unworthy:
But I appreciate the support, thanks. I'm starting to feel like a good enough catch for someone good enough for me. Just don't let her have a fear of committment! :laughing:

#5
AndrejaWilson

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View Postkladdaugh, on 26 July 2013 - 04:38 AM, said:

..... I'm alright being single. It's normal for me. But it just makes me feel irritated to be objectified in that way. (If you're must objectify me, at least make it as the sexiest genderqueer you've ever seen.) :unworthy:
.... :laughing:
:thumbsup:

Edited by AndrejaWilson, 26 July 2013 - 03:54 PM.

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#6
Jedhi

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I have had an 8 year relationship with a commitmentphobe. First five years, it was a roller coaster ride. I never knew when the relationship might end. After it ended, she has kept coming back to me for 3 years and I finally told her to get out of my life for one of the final times. I am sure that no one else can put up with that like I had been. No one wants to be with a commitmentphobe forever.

I want a long term relationship and I want to finally be married. My first lover/partner of five-six years is now with her partner for over twenty years--probably going on 25 years now. If I had taken her back after we broke up, that could be me. I do know that because we discussed it for years and her partner was for years in fear that we would get back together. So... I am all for the marriage thing. It does just seem that there are not many women out there who are really actually marriage material.





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