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Curiosity


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#1
Kaitlyn_elise20

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Hey everyone,

So lately I've realized that the person (now an estranged friend), I've been talking to has more than one lover. Now my question is, is it normal for a person (like me because at one point I was dating her) to become jealous of another girl in that said persons life? (her best friend really). So not only was she dating me, she was also dating her best friend behind my back and gave no thought to tell me. I for one can't handle being in a polygamous relationship as I get super jealous if I feel left out or any other matter. Now this new girl or should I say fiancée *shudders* why do I now hate that word? Because for some reason I can't understand, this other girl she's dating just hits a nerve with me. I'll give you some examples. First off while I was dating her, I specifically asked her to wait until I could get there (long distance) so I could experience what kissing a girl actually felt like. Next thing I know I'm seeing a photo of her kissing her best friend. How can some people date more than one person is my other question. Does it cause the jealousy that I feel with this girl for some people?



#2
Dusty

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Hi Kaitlyn_elise20 -

I wanted to respond to your post. I identify as a bi-sexual woman and my husband is polyamorous. Together we are seeking a bi-sexual female to complete our desire for a poly-fidelity triad. The is a relationship where three people have relations with in the triad and are faithful to the triad unit. Jealousy is something that will always rear its head in polyamorous relationships; however true poly relationships are based on honesty and open communication. If your partner did not tell you she was poly or that she was going to be having other sexual relationships outside your relationship with her, she wasnt honest with you and that's not cool. Being in a polyamorous relationship takes maturity and open communication, a commitment to work at the weakest link in a relationship and a commitment that when you are the weakest link, to working on growth and acceptance of the way of life. If you are jealous, you need to look at what you are afraid of, not being 'enough'? Not actually getting the needed attention from your partner? Its not easy looking so closely at your own issues, but that is how growth happens. If you chose to be in a polyamorous relationship you as well as your partners need to know your limitations as well as everyone elses limitations in the relationship. The relationship boundaries can only be as open as the the most limited limiations in the group. As a group you grow from there. If you both were to continue a relationship, she should back up and work with what you can accept until you can honestly allow a more open relationship; otherwise someone in the group is hurting and wont be happy, namely you. Hope this makes sense. My husband and I have only found one woman we have chosen to date. This relationship didnt work out due to the lack of compatability. People think that polyamorous means that people are not or can not be faithful; not true. There are many poly relationships that are faithful to thier unit's conditions and guidelines. Each Unit creates thier own guidelines as to how thier unit will/should function and those in that unit are faithful to those conditions. Good luck to you. Hope you find what you are seeking.

#3
Kaitlyn_elise20

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That's exactly what I'm afraid of Dusty, or rather, always have been. I get with someone for a while, they leave me and I wonder if I was ever enough for them or if I'll ever make a great partner for someone. I myself am monogamous so I'm looking for my one girl. It was that one until I found out about this other girl she was dating whom she didn't even tell me about until I saw that photo, as I pointed out in my original post. To be honest, do most people feel used when this happens? Because that's how I felt as well as betrayed and hurt so badly.





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