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I've Realized I've Never Officially "come Out"


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#1
AndrejaWilson

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With all the fanfare this month, I had come to realize that I never official came out. I don't hide it at all, but I've never said, especially to my parents, "Mom, Dad, I like chicks." They're accepting folks and complain more about my changing haircuts and video game habit. I was just struck down with it very quickly realizing I've not done it officially.

Should I? I was thinking of doing it in a really dramatic fashion, like getting glitter and giving my mother and father a bag and for me to also have one. Then I'll tell them to throw a handful of glitter on the count of 3 and then I'd just say, "I'm gay!" I know it sounds crazy, but that's how my wacky brain works. It'll be like a fun party. Who doesn't like glitter? it makes everything better.

Sorry for my slightly disorganized rant,
Andreja :sorcerer:

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#2
AndrejaWilson

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july 1, 2013 2:12p, est

So I purchased some glitter. I'm so gonna do it. Hopefully no one will pitch a fit about it. I'll let come what may.

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#3
lesbotronic

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We think the big bag of glitter sounds beyond fabulous. If your parents don't think that's a fun party, well . . . hopefully they will later, after they've had time to consider what a fun party you actually threw them.

BEST OF LUCK!

#4
AndrejaWilson

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I don't think they'll really care. I was talking about some gay rights stuff with my mom and said ,"us" and she either didn't notice or didn't care. I know they've always said they didn't care how I was as long as I was not anything like a drug dealer, murderer... that type of thing. Glitter is possibly the thing to fix all odd/ bad situations. Mess up your manicure? Put some glitter over it. Birthday party a little slow? Throw some glitter. I'm too old at this point to care if they accept it or not. I'll be 25 next Friday and my parents tend to be reasonable people. I'd just like it to be on the record.

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#5
kurious

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1st off: congrats on even taking the step to tell them. though some people say they don't care if their parents know, i believe it does matter & it's a huge thing to do.
i also believe that parents, particuarly mothers, have an idea already about their kid's sexuality. they just don't mention it either due to denial, fear of being wrong or fear of being correct. and i believe parents are concerned that their kid's sexuality/sensuality is a reflection of/on them:

what will the neighbors think? what will the rest of the family think? will anyone think i did something wrong? did i do something wrong? when did i drop the ball on raising this kid? will people think i'm "that way", too?
then it turns to: will someone hurt my child because of this? did someone hurt my child and now this is the result?
then: this isn't part of the plan! this isn't what i saw in their future!
and later: but what about the boyfriends/girlfriends/prom dates/best friends/sleep overs/summer camp/can so & so come over for dinner?/mom, i'm on the phone!/but it's just so & so and their parent(s) said it was ok?
a little of: this is a phase. i heard about these things. they just need to get through this phase.
and when they're alone: but...this wasn't part of MY plan for them.

in my 38 years, i've realized that no matter how old you are, you are still your parent's child or kid. but it wasn't until i got in my late 20s that i realized & understood how difficult it can be for a parent to accept this part of you when they were used to a side of you that they've seen for years. and now here you come, flipping the script on them. how dare you grow up & have an identity? how dare you have a sexual identity? how dare you become an adult & leave them wondering if you need them anymore? it freaks them out inside & sometimes it comes out harshly. sometimes it comes out in the way you need it to & when it does, it's something you will cherish for the rest of your life.

i hope it works out well for you. i hope you & your parents grow closer & you learn from each other regarding this. i believe we all want acceptance & love from the ones who raised us in some small way, no matter how old we are. and i believe if the ones who raised us can love & accept us, that's the only armor we need to battle the ones who don't understand, respect or accept us.

Edited by kurious, 03 July 2013 - 04:26 PM.


#6
AndrejaWilson

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I just really want to be honest with them. My mother is 65 and my father will be 51 in a few days. I just think it's the last thing I've never told them. We're normally pretty honest with each other.

I didn't come out younger because I wasn't sure how they'd take it, especially since my mother and I didn't always have the relationship we have now. I do think they know. They sort of brought it up to me in highschool, but I just refused to answer. I didn't want to be kicked out of the house. I just thought that at the time since my mother and I had a very volatile relationship, coming out would be the last thing I should do. I don't believe in coming out in anger.

Hopefully my parents get a kick out of the glitter part.

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#7
kurious

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" I don't believe in coming out in anger."

and that's something i think a lot of people do out of frustration & defense. it doesn't mean to come out that way but you get fed up with the abuse or badgering or the self destructive behavior because you're still trying to figure it all out within yourself. so you throw a dart just to stop the screaming or the questions or accusations and BAM! you just scared the bejesus outta them. but it shut them up, right?
i don't know you from a can of paint. but i'm proud of you for waiting until it was the right time for you. i wish nothing but the best for you and your parents because this is a big step. your parents evolved, you matured and there's even more information out there to learn and understand that they aren't the only ones. and, more importantly, they'll see that there is nothing wrong with you and they didn't drop the ball anywhere.
glitter is a nice touch. way cool.

#8
AndrejaWilson

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Same here. I did it when I moved out because I had no intention on really ever speaking to my mother again. I decided against it for various reason, as you mentioned several in your comment. If I was gonna piss her off, i'd use everything I could to do so. I just feel that at almost 25 that I have been comfortable with it for some time and it's right for me. I know you're 11 years older than me, but when I was in high school, people really didn't come out (at least where I live. quite conservative area) until they were about 20 or so. Most had the cushion of college to help the blow.

Edited by AndrejaWilson, 04 July 2013 - 01:32 AM.

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#9
kurious

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you made me think about some things i haven't thought about in years. i'm just grateful i survived it. every now & then, my mom would start peppering me with statistics or stories she learned about the lgbtq community, especially the youth. it shocks the hell out of me & inside i'm thinking 'well, i was a statistic & that was MY story & you damn sure didn't ...'. but i just let her shine. i have to let her have her moment to reflect on what she learned & to ask questions. but i know deep inside, she is aware that she added to those statistics & stories but the weight of her guilt is more powerful than anything i can ever say to her. so i let her shine. because she evolved. and so did i.





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