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The Butch To Butch Dynamic


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#1
DianeL

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Hello, I am new hear and notice when filling out my profile it talked about the butch-femme dymanic but no butch-butch or femme-femme. I would be interest to hear how others feel about the subgroup of our culture always being left out.
Words and heart must be handled with care. For words that are spoken and hearts that are broken are the hardest to repair

#2
lesbotronic

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View PostDianeL, on 06 December 2013 - 02:10 AM, said:

Hello, I am new hear and notice when filling out my profile it talked about the butch-femme dymanic but no butch-butch or femme-femme.

The implication here seems to be that we who wrote the questionnaire talk about the butch-femme dynamic within it?

Um, no. We don't.

Not sure where you got that.

You can ID as butch or femme or androgynous or none of the above, but there's no discussion of the "dynamic" or suggestion that we expect butches to only look for femmes and vice versa.

The implication also might be that we welcome butches seeking femmes and vice versa, but not anyone seeking some other combination? Again, no. You might want to check out a question in our FAQ where we make that extremely clear:

http://www.lesbotron...-questions.html

click on:

"I just bet you welcome butches that want to meet femmes and vice versa. BUT also . . . ???"

p.s. Self-identified butches looking for other self-identified butches for something other than platonic friendship might be a bit less common, but we do have lots of them on our site right now, saying so right there in their profiles. And self-identified femmes looking for other self-identified femmes for relationships of all varieties? There's about 10 kawillion of those. That's EXTREMELY common.

#3
DianeL

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Perhaps I wasn't clear. It is not just on this site that the butch/butch dynamic is ignored. I most lesbian site I have found this to be true. My concern comes from the fact that the list of groups listed butch-femme but not butch-butch or femme-femme. I am a strong believer that people are attracted to who they are attracted to, it would just be nice to have a group where butch issue could be discussed without fear. I have found very few places that have done that. I believe there is so strongly that I started a page for this on Facebook.
Words and heart must be handled with care. For words that are spoken and hearts that are broken are the hardest to repair

#4
lesbotronic

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Well, when you said "when filling out my profile," and didn't specify another site, I did assume you meant here. And AGAIN, no, no one is "ignoring" the butch/butch dynamic. Feel free to look for that here, talk about that here, etc. Just like it said in the FAQ item above I already referenced, saying it again here, that's ENTIRELY WELCOME.

The group you seem to be referencing actually isn't "butch-femme." It's "butches and (note the AND there) femmes." It's for those that choose to ID as either butch or femme. If you ID as either butch or femme, if that's a part of your identity, perhaps you'd like to join that group. That's all that's being referenced there as a membership criterion. There's no implied discrimination against anyone who dates other than butch-femme.

As for a group where butch issues could be discussed without fear, I'm not sure why you'd think you'd need to be fearful discussing that or anything else in that group or anywhere else on this site. I severely doubt anyone would harass you or give you any cause to be fearful for discussing anything at all, and if anyone actually did, we would deal with it. I'm seeing absolutely no need for fear here. Again, ENTIRELY WELCOME.

But I would guess that you'd be more successful finding interested participants for a discussion if you started that topic in a more upbeat and positive way, instead of with something that sounds like complaining. Just an observation.





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