general recommendations (where you are now)



constructing your profile



cliches you should probably avoid



the worst cliche of them all



logical blunders the polyamorous should avoid



HEADSHOTS (post one!)



be open to the "just friends" option



messaging / netiquette



what's next? when to meet her offline?



keeping yourself safe



potential pitfalls or "This confusing thing happened and . . . ???"




Linsey of uncouthheathen.com gives some guest advice

General Recommendations



Joining an internet social site is one of the quickest and most efficient ways to meet new people. Aside from attending an event or conference also attended by thousands of other available women with whom you have something important in common, it's probably THE quickest and the easiest. You can do a lot of it right from your own home, it's free (well, this site is), and you don't necessarily have to go anywhere out in the "real world" you wouldn't have wanted to go otherwise.

You can do it in your pajamas and/or with your cat on your lap.
There's no need to get “fixed up” until you’re actually going out.
You don’t have to worry about hitting on a woman who is not actually interested in other women.
You don’t have to meet anyone in person until you both have an inkling or several that you'd probably hit it off, and then it's more likely you'll do just that with her rather than . . . any random woman at any bar near you that night.

Plus, the drinks at home you can have in front of your computer are probably cheaper. (Don't Spill!)

However, as with almost anything else worthwhile on the planet, it still requires SOME effort to succeed. Some women go into the personals or any other lesbian social networking site knowing it's going to be easier to meet women there than via many other venues, which is true. But EASIER doesn't mean that making hardly any effort whatsoever will usually lead to success. Hardly any effort whatsoever usually leads to exactly what you'd think it would, if you're the sensible sort.

You have to put up a good profile. You could be the catch of the decade, but if your personal profile fails to represent your personal wonderfulness at least a fair amount, you just WON'T catch the attention of other worthwhile women online.

Approach your profile itself and any new contacts you make as a result of it with enthusiasm. Some women approach social networking with a "blah" sort of attitude. They don't expect things to go well; they just sort of vaguely hope things will somehow go well all on their own or at random. This blase attitude tends to shine through on their profiles, and usually makes them less appealing to others. A positive, energetic, and enthusiastic attitude will attract similar. Conversely, if you put out a "maybe I'll meet someone great here, but just as likely not" sort of vibe, other women will pick up on that, imagine you're not really all that interested in meeting them, and pick someone else who seems more available.

You have to be active in contacting other women, and respond well when they contact you. The internet is a busy place. If you want to connect, don't be a wallflower.

For optimum results, you usually have to be willing to remain engaged for a significant period of time. The longer you stay involved, the greater the odds that someone you'll like a lot will show up. We have a diverse array of interesting women in our database right now, but if the woman you're looking for isn't involved in lesbotronic.com right NOW, she might sign up tomorrow, or next month, or even next year. Our database is constantly evolving and growing. Especially if you're open to making new friends and/or lesbian social networking and/or you're interested in non-monogamy and/or polyamory, meeting new women is an ongoing process, not a destination you'll reach one day and then be finished. Pace yourself in terms of emotional energy, and don't give up.

Besides, with a free service like lesbotronic.com, you can continue meeting new women perpetually for a variety of new relationships, including friendships. And really, why the heck not?

But with regard to those looking specifically for "The One" online, we've read several studies that arrive at similar conclusions. (Admittedly these were conducted with heterosexuals, but we're not aware of a reliable and valid study done with lesbians -- maybe we'll have to conduct one eventually ourselves? -- but the process is not THAT different.) The studies all suggested that those most likely to ultimately find someone they wanted to settle down with via an internet dating site were above average in terms of both education and income.

They were also more likely to live in cities, and be politically liberal. These couples were also much more likely to believe the nature of meeting online was to their advantage in terms of meeting and getting to know one another, and that getting to know each other via text rather than face-to-face first led to a stronger footing for the relationship initially. Age was NOT a factor, in that a successful coupling was equally likely to occur across age ranges.

However, most met 6-10 people from the internet before settling down with "The One," and this process took (on average), just over a year.

With that in mind, leaving your search for soulmate(s) entirely to encounters at bars, office romances, friends of friends or other random persons that might cross your path not only seems rather passive, but downright slacker-ly. There are 6 billion people in the world, but for most of us, only a handful in our daily orbit. Would-be couples of yesteryear had to live with that limitation, but not you.

While you have the opportunity to put yourself out there virtually, you should still take your time. Don't get frustrated if the people you want to find don't show up immediately. Pace yourself, and again, don't give up. If you make a mental commitment to stay involved and socially (and virtually) active no matter what, the odds will be ultimately be in your favor.

Well, that is, if you do that and a few other things we're going to suggest in this and our other advice sections.


--> proceed to #2: constructing your profile -->



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