Advice for the Personals & Our Tips for Best Results

Some queer women have a fabulous experience in the personals, finding a never ending abundance of platonic friends, lovers, significant others, activity partners, lesbian social networking opportunities, hookups, what have you . . . and then their schedules get solidly booked with social fun.

They subsequently proclaim that many social sites work quite well and the process of meeting interesting new women online was both enjoyable and educational!

Other women tend to whine endlessly that . . .

"There are no really good women out there!"
"No one writes back to me!"
"Only the 'wrong' women write me!"

Then . . . those other women later proclaim something along the lines of, "This site just isn't working," or "The internet personals just can't work for someone like ME."

Those in the latter group should realize that it's never going to be the nebulous concept of "online personals" and/or "lesbian social networking" that's at fault.

It's YOU.

Sorry, but hey, reality check.

But instead of getting offended or feeling insulted, realize that this bit of information could be a helpful thing, because now that you've identified the glitch, you can get started fixing it and be that much closer to your personal version of happily ever after.

(Remember that timeless word chunk. . . "If you always do what you always did then you'll always get what you always got?")

While proximity to a progressively-minded urban area and/or how "picky" someone is in terms of their search options both play big parts, it's still undeniably the case that there are X factors above and beyond that.

What makes for online profile superstars vs. those that seem stuck warming the bench?

What are the crucial differences between women with extremely similar demographics who write us and thank us for having helped them meet the woman (or women) who really "rocked their world" or "made their dreams come true"
the women who often wonder why the women they contact never message them back? Or why those contacts hardly ever lead to mutually enjoyable dates or friendships?

We do have a good bit of experience, based on not only our own collective trials and tribulations and successes and screwups finding partners for various things on the internet, but also what we've heard from thousands of other women that shared their experiences via

No, we're not saying you have to do as we precisely suggest here or face certain failure or disappointment. No, we're not saying "one size fits all." Your individual results may always vary, with this and with most other things in life.

Furthermore, the personals questionnaire itself attempts to exhibit a more crowd-pleasing generic-ness, but this area of the site features a bit more take-it-or-leave-it edginess. And, in case you didn’t notice, that last sentence does include the "leave it" option.

If you're an old pro with the personals and/or lesbian social networking in general and have always experienced precisely the degree of success you desired, you may want to ignore this area entirely and just keep on keepin’ on with your own unique gameplan.

BUT if you:

are new or relatively new to the personals ads and/or social networking and are hoping for the best experience possible

haven't used any social site for awhile

wondered how you could be more effective

would feel more comfy with a bit of sensible advice in your back pocket or backpack or purse

wondered why the responses you got before from various social sites weren't as numerous, as high in quality, and/or as well-suited to your personality and interests as you would have liked

AND you're willing to put in at least a modicum of effort to predispose a good or better experience . . .

This oft-requested section is here for you.

Please understand that our suggestions are written with the intention of helping a whole heck of a lot of women meet a whole heck of a lot of other women for satisfying relationships of whatever variety they seek.

Furthermore, we’d also appreciate it if you read our suggestions with your sense of humor firmly lodged in the “ON” position too.


This site is adamantly for queer women (of all orientations) and trans folks and genderqueer folks. We do understand that many may not prefer being referred to as she or her, but rather the gender-neutral they, and/or (genderqueered) he, him, hir, ze, or hy, and/or anything else we left out. We started writing this advice section trying to include all those pronouns, but the grammatical and stylistic contortions required to sustain that quickly overwhelmed us and wore us right the eff out.

Thus, the vast majority of the time the sentences here will seem to assume a female or gender-neutral gender ID. If that's not you, please just mentally substitute your referent of choice and feel just as included too. Thanks for understanding.

FEEDBACK on this advice section?

We ARE continuously and sincerely interested if you have a bright idea involving something we should ADD.

Otherwise, you get to have your opinion; this section is ours. We’re compelled to present ours here because we’re asked for it about a gawillion times more than most humans on this topic.

Negative feedback you’d care to share? Please refer back to the ever-present “leave it” option and proceed accordingly.

proceed to #1: general recommendations -->