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Ever had or seen a successful polyamorous relationship?

44 posts in this topic

Since I'm not limiting myself or expecting my partners to limit themselves, I choose barrier sex play. As a 56 yr old woman who became sexually mature during the Free Love era (and survived sans STDs) I am now sorry that one must be so watchful regarding STDs, but I don't want to get one. Anyone who doesn't want to play safe I'll not play with. That said, if in the future I decide to be exclusive with someone(s) like your closed circle, then I'll have to revisit my barrier only decision again. I also have some trust issues in general and in particular about sex partners telling the truth about their status. Do you all test regularly and share the results?

Thanks!

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Since I was 19 and my first open love, I knew there was a possibility she would end up cheating on me. She had done with all her previous partners (mostly men)

So from the outset I said that I didn't mind what she needed to fullfil, aslong as she was honest. I'm not the type of person to go off with somone else but I recognised she was and I never thought it was right that you can stil 2 people together and expect them to behave a certain way cus most people do.

Anywho... we had 2 happy years until a month towards the end, I realised she was sleeping with somone else, asked her and she lied. If she had been honest things would be different. But she lied. So we broke up.

The issue wasn't the other person it was the lie. She knew she could of been honest but she used the excuse that it was degrading for me to accept that she could sleep with others, which i do still disagree with.

I've also been in a relationship with a married women, where the guy, not happy, new and it was just never discussed.

We started out as friends... went through intense moments, but we're all open minded and now its finished and they are still happily married.

I don't think I would ever be with somone and desire somone else, but I never say never and I don't see why not. It would solve fucking up a lot of peoples lives if it wasn't so built into society that you have to live by manogamy and marriage.

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I once met a woman who had this going on for her. She had two men and I think three or four women, and except for one or two of the women, all of them were in on it. They even lived together! Yikes!

But that's the only success story I've ever heard of polyamory. Every other tale seems to end in disaster!

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I've been in a poly relationship for three months and it has been a struggle, however i think it has been compounded by age. I'm ten years older than her and i think she just hasn't been around the block enough to appreciate someone who actually gives two shits about her. She basically put the relationship on hold saying she needed a break. I'm here to meet more like minded people. This was her first poly relationship as well as mine. I'm hanging for now but still looking. I won't sit still and wait, just because.

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It seems pretty relevant to me right now as I am in a long term relationship with a man at the moment and am realising how successful it is going but that I, like you, need both sexes for satisfaction. The simple compromise that's been discussed between us is that I'm to find a woman on the side for a physical fling! I was really surprised with my man when he calmly proposed his solution because most people aren't okay with the other person seeing someone else at the same time. Usually it's a one-off thing but, for me it's agreed that I shall have a 'girlfriend' as such! I actually beleive this will work and I'll have few problems because he has decided he wont get involved in my extra relationship, not even for a threesome etc. This should keep the emotional problems such as jealousy outta sight.

I guess I have only to wait and see what happens:)

I can totally understand what you are saying. As for making it work. Yes it can if all parties are in agreement and get along. My husband and one of my exes texted and joked around for along time after our relationship ended (we are still close friends and the ending of our relationship had to do more with me moving away then anything else). There are faiths that have men married to more then one woman and the women all get along. Not only get along but see each other as family; would not have it any other way. I really don't see why It can't be the same for BI women today. Who said you can only Love one person? Some women love only men, some only women, I personally knew I loved them both at a very young age.

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This is what my husband and I are contemplating. When I met my husband, I dated both him and his girlfriend. I liked her a lot, but I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. He realized his feelings for her had been dead a long time. He wanted to marry me, but he was engaged to her. He chose to end it with her, and we got married about a year later. In that situation there was no way to make it work. However in that situation, it was a 3way relationship the whole way. What we are thinking of pursuing now is more of a closed loop, I think, if I've got my terminology correct. I would be with a woman, and I would be with him, but he would not be with that other women, thereby hopefully protecting me from suffering the same fate as his former girlfriend.

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I do know that Non-Monogamous/ Poly relationships don't work.... I just got out of one.. there is no logical way to avoid the mess that comes with it... Well there is and that way is to completely not care which is hard because you always eventually start to have deep feelings..There is no way to emotionally attach yourself to more than one person without having a stronger attachment to one of them.. You may try and make it "equal" but it will be evident that you care more if even only slightly about one of the people your with... or vice versa for it all you might be the one who is loved more or less..

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This is why I would never date a bisexual. I don't want to have to worry about her having an affair with men or being polyamorous or whatever. No offense to those who do cheat on their spouse or partner, but it is not something I could ever do.

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I've never personally had a successful polyamorous relatioinship, however I would like to challenge the one I did have and see if I could have a poly relationship work. I've seen someone who did poly and had it last for quite a while (and they're still going), so I think it is possible and it has it's flaws, but so do monogamous relationships. Point blank, I guess, do what you think would make you happiest and be most fulfilling for you in the end. Poly isn't for everyone and neither is monogamy. Both take work, and both can be very rewarding. Just do what makes you happy, and have fun with it :D

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Boy, I hope there are more "yes, it can work replies." Its a little discouraging when you are trying to start that kind of relationship. How can you make it work in a world that says those relationships are less valid?

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I am poly-- relationship CAN work if all involved are really honest. In my situation I am NOT propery called bisexual/ I am not attracted to men... I am co owner of land etc... If a lesbian or bisexual woman wanted to freedom of country life (the homestead lifestyle I have now) and she has her own money wants me to be her compainion and help with her child... and she understands why my life is the way it is... then all will be happy.

She will have all she wants in her lifeand the freedom to leave when she wants.

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When I first met my girlfriend, she was dating and living with her boyfriend of 4 years at the time. It was a new experience for me, but not for her. The boyfriend was aware of me, and was seemingly okay with it. I was ok with him for the most part, but his jealousy eventually became a problem. Long story short, the guy left and I've been with my girlfriend ever since.

Since she is bisexual and I'm a lesbian, we've had to be very honest with each other about what we want sexually. I can't deny her the chance to meet and spend time with the men she likes. It doesn't bother me because deep down I don't personally believe in monogamy. So currently, our relationship... has poly potential? lol I'm really not sure. If she meets a guy she wants to date as well as me, then hopefully all three of us can be mature enough to handle it.

The same goes for me actually. Because she can spend time with other people, I can reach out and talk to other women. I'm not aiming for another sexual relationship, but if it happens it happens.

If anyone is thinking about adding a third or even a fourth person to their lives, think about it a lot. My first experience with it was a and will forever be a sour taste in my mouth, but that doesn't mean every situation will be like that. I've known many people where poly relationships work great. It really just depends on the people involved and their maturity level. But I believe I have rambled on enough.

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One more thing! To reply allyfey.....Poly relationships CAN work. Just because the world says their not valid means nothing. Besides, if we all listened to a world where they say certain relationships aren't valid, I don't think any of us would be on this site. If you want to give this a shot, then do it.

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Hihi eveyone  Well I believe monogamy has a place and a purpose but as a permanent facility that humans should revolve their lives around it is impractical and foolish, because people change and you cannot expect someone to change at the same rate in which you yourself change. Monogamy is also a facilitator of possessiveness and prevents people from expressing love in the sense of agape. Don't get me wrong if you are in a monogamous relationship and have been then that is great, and I wish you every happiness, however when being in the sphere of one being personal evolution tends to stagnate and being stuck in the same place is the worst hell.

My thoughts on polygamy is essentially if you are going to do such a thing don't be like and idiot on that television show "Sister Wives", (seriously that is just asking for problems).....

And I have been in a functional Polyamerous relationship it can work the only difficulty is finding and continuing to make sure the entire party is on the same page, Its challenging because people have jealousy problems so the distribution of affection has to remain equal essentially or someone feels left out, or in the most absurd cases cheated on and then the drama is just not worth it, my advice to anyone in a poly relationship if the there is a breakup the entire relationship must end, don't try and stay with the remaining partner because the dynamic is permanently tainted and nothing good can come from it.

Thanks for reading

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On March 20, 2015 at 9:06 PM, Lexie15 said:

Hihi eveyone  Well I believe monogamy has a place and a purpose but as a permanent facility that humans should revolve their lives around it is impractical and foolish, because people change and you cannot expect someone to change at the same rate in which you yourself change. Monogamy is also a facilitator of possessiveness and prevents people from expressing love in the sense of agape. Don't get me wrong if you are in a monogamous relationship and have been then that is great, and I wish you every happiness, however when being in the sphere of one being personal evolution tends to stagnate and being stuck in the same place is the worst hell.

My thoughts on polygamy is essentially if you are going to do such a thing don't be like and idiot on that television show "Sister Wives", (seriously that is just asking for problems).....

And I have been in a functional Polyamerous relationship it can work the only difficulty is finding and continuing to make sure the entire party is on the same page, Its challenging because people have jealousy problems so the distribution of affection has to remain equal essentially or someone feels left out, or in the most absurd cases cheated on and then the drama is just not worth it, my advice to anyone in a poly relationship if the there is a breakup the entire relationship must end, don't try and stay with the remaining partner because the dynamic is permanently tainted and nothing good can come from it.

Thanks for reading

Monogamy is impractical and foolish? It's one thing to be in a polyamorous relationship solely for the sex and fun, but it's another thing to be in it for the emotional aspects of a serious romantic relationship as well. Can I just inform you of couples who have been together for over 70 years, and happily so? Some of us actually want to commit to one person, and it shouldn't be based on people's experiences in a monogamous relationship where they simply weren't with somebody that was emotionally right for them. Having multiple partners in MANY cases IS a possessive thing, a very selfish thing that typically ends up coming more from one of the original partners than the other. I find it unbelievably hurtful to know of some of my friends are in a polyamorous relationship only because their boyfriend or girlfriend wants to have sex with other people AND still have the emotional attachment to the person they entered the relationship with first. That to me, is selfish. Knowing your partner isn't comfortable with your choice, yet is still standing by your side and trying their best to pretend that they're okay with it when they really aren't at all. Some people think they need to adjust to the other's wants, and don't think they can leave the relationship because they love the other person in a way where they put themselves underneath them, and think that's the best they'll get. But I do strongly believe that there is always one who ends up feeling really low from it all. To me, that's pretty damn sad. 
By the way, I don't mean to come off as aggressively disagreeing with every point you made....It's just my own argument on the subject. If you're truly happy, and so are your other partners, then you do you! 

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I have had a really good experience in this area. I have two polly relationships. They were both long term 6-7 years. It was amazing. They were the most open trusting and loving relationship that I had ever been in. And if i ever get the chance I would do it again. If your are bisexual it is the perfect way to get what you need from both partners.

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I have known quite a few couple who have had very successful poly relationships. Myself included. A huge part of it is communication and honesty. I believe being poly is a very natural instinct but things like jealousy or the urge to be dishonest really get in the way. It's totally not for everyone. For generations society has taught that being poly is wrong and it's really damaged the potential for it with many people. I think when you find the right fit, it totally works. But it is not for every one. You have to talk, you have to be open, you really have to be considerate of your actions and how you are approaching the situation. 

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After being in a sucessful monog relationship with a male for 4 years I began realizing I need other things that he can't necessarily give me, we spoke and have come to an agreement should I find a female whom is willing to be poly with me then that's ok. I think monogamy can be strenuous at the best of times. Variety is the spice of life.

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My boyfriend completely supports the idea. I see no reason why it could't work.

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