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Ever had or seen a successful polyamorous relationship?

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I've been in a poly relationship for three months and it has been a struggle, however i think it has been compounded by age. I'm ten years older than her and i think she just hasn't been around the block enough to appreciate someone who actually gives two shits about her. She basically put the relationship on hold saying she needed a break. I'm here to meet more like minded people. This was her first poly relationship as well as mine. I'm hanging for now but still looking. I won't sit still and wait, just because.
I don't try anything, I just do it.


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View Postbrave_betty, on 14 April 2004 - 04:39 PM, said:

It seems pretty relevant to me right now as I am in a long term relationship with a man at the moment and am realising how successful it is going but that I, like you, need both sexes for satisfaction. The simple compromise that's been discussed between us is that I'm to find a woman on the side for a physical fling! I was really surprised with my man when he calmly proposed his solution because most people aren't okay with the other person seeing someone else at the same time. Usually it's a one-off thing but, for me it's agreed that I shall have a 'girlfriend' as such! I actually beleive this will work and I'll have few problems because he has decided he wont get involved in my extra relationship, not even for a threesome etc. This should keep the emotional problems such as jealousy outta sight.

I guess I have only to wait and see what happens:)
I can totally understand what you are saying. As for making it work. Yes it can if all parties are in agreement and get along. My husband and one of my exes texted and joked around for along time after our relationship ended (we are still close friends and the ending of our relationship had to do more with me moving away then anything else). There are faiths that have men married to more then one woman and the women all get along. Not only get along but see each other as family; would not have it any other way. I really don't see why It can't be the same for BI women today. Who said you can only Love one person? Some women love only men, some only women, I personally knew I loved them both at a very young age.


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This is what my husband and I are contemplating. When I met my husband, I dated both him and his girlfriend. I liked her a lot, but I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. He realized his feelings for her had been dead a long time. He wanted to marry me, but he was engaged to her. He chose to end it with her, and we got married about a year later. In that situation there was no way to make it work. However in that situation, it was a 3way relationship the whole way. What we are thinking of pursuing now is more of a closed loop, I think, if I've got my terminology correct. I would be with a woman, and I would be with him, but he would not be with that other women, thereby hopefully protecting me from suffering the same fate as his former girlfriend.


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I do know that Non-Monogamous/ Poly relationships don't work.... I just got out of one.. there is no logical way to avoid the mess that comes with it... Well there is and that way is to completely not care which is hard because you always eventually start to have deep feelings..There is no way to emotionally attach yourself to more than one person without having a stronger attachment to one of them.. You may try and make it "equal" but it will be evident that you care more if even only slightly about one of the people your with... or vice versa for it all you might be the one who is loved more or less..


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This is why I would never date a bisexual. I don't want to have to worry about her having an affair with men or being polyamorous or whatever. No offense to those who do cheat on their spouse or partner, but it is not something I could ever do.


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I've never personally had a successful polyamorous relatioinship, however I would like to challenge the one I did have and see if I could have a poly relationship work. I've seen someone who did poly and had it last for quite a while (and they're still going), so I think it is possible and it has it's flaws, but so do monogamous relationships. Point blank, I guess, do what you think would make you happiest and be most fulfilling for you in the end. Poly isn't for everyone and neither is monogamy. Both take work, and both can be very rewarding. Just do what makes you happy, and have fun with it :D


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Boy, I hope there are more "yes, it can work replies." Its a little discouraging when you are trying to start that kind of relationship. How can you make it work in a world that says those relationships are less valid?

Jay T.

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I am poly-- relationship CAN work if all involved are really honest. In my situation I am NOT propery called bisexual/ I am not attracted to men... I am co owner of land etc... If a lesbian or bisexual woman wanted to freedom of country life (the homestead lifestyle I have now) and she has her own money wants me to be her compainion and help with her child... and she understands why my life is the way it is... then all will be happy.

She will have all she wants in her lifeand the freedom to leave when she wants.


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When I first met my girlfriend, she was dating and living with her boyfriend of 4 years at the time. It was a new experience for me, but not for her. The boyfriend was aware of me, and was seemingly okay with it. I was ok with him for the most part, but his jealousy eventually became a problem. Long story short, the guy left and I've been with my girlfriend ever since.
Since she is bisexual and I'm a lesbian, we've had to be very honest with each other about what we want sexually. I can't deny her the chance to meet and spend time with the men she likes. It doesn't bother me because deep down I don't personally believe in monogamy. So currently, our relationship... has poly potential? lol I'm really not sure. If she meets a guy she wants to date as well as me, then hopefully all three of us can be mature enough to handle it.
The same goes for me actually. Because she can spend time with other people, I can reach out and talk to other women. I'm not aiming for another sexual relationship, but if it happens it happens.
If anyone is thinking about adding a third or even a fourth person to their lives, think about it a lot. My first experience with it was a and will forever be a sour taste in my mouth, but that doesn't mean every situation will be like that. I've known many people where poly relationships work great. It really just depends on the people involved and their maturity level. But I believe I have rambled on enough.


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One more thing! To reply allyfey.....Poly relationships CAN work. Just because the world says their not valid means nothing. Besides, if we all listened to a world where they say certain relationships aren't valid, I don't think any of us would be on this site. If you want to give this a shot, then do it.

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