Guest EmberPhase

Flirting?

67 posts in this topic

Ok, really dumb question. You have to know background on me for this one, I never know when anyone is hitting on me...male or female. :oops:

How have you ladies flirted or struck up a convo with another girlie? Maybe if I learn examples I will be able to recognize it better when it happens. :shock:

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i am new at this whole thing, i'm not out so i definitely don't flirt. I do catch myself staring at beautiful people though. I kind of space out and get really shy when in the presence of someone I like.

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I live in a conservative (understatement) area that has a distinct, active, but clandestine lesbian community. Like when an all-female group gets together to build a habitat house, it's a good guess a lot of them are lesbians. If you're new, meeting women is kind of difficult because the women are quite protective of their relationships and community. I know various groups are sometimes called cliques, but I think there's more to it than that. I think a lot of it is having few women to meet, wanting to make friends, and wanting to really hold onto someone once you've found her. i've been on the fringes of the community for about a year, because breaking into the group is really tough. it's stressful on a lot of levels: are we in/out, friends/romatic, part of this group/that group,....

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Honestly, like you I would have no earthly idea if someone were hitting on me or not.

Being somewhat fresh out of self denial, I am not sure I even know how to flirt or how to properly respond if flirted with lol.

The Internet has been my first and only venture into possibly meeting anyone. Personally, I don't know if I am looking for a friendship a relationship or both.

How do you safe and discreeetly meet someone new in real life without being subjected to the bar scene?

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How do you safe and discreeetly meet someone new in real life without being subjected to the bar scene?

Frequent places other than bars. Bars and clubs to me, or not the ideal places to seriously meet new people, other than for one night stands. Most of the time the music is too loud and theres too many people to really hold a meaningful conversation. I suggest making it a habit to stop by a gay/lesbian bookstore (if theres one near you), go to coffee shops, pick up your local lesbian classifieds and go to any events that you think you might have an interest in. Lesbians are everywhere, you just have to keep your eyes open and your gaydar on. Sometimes a trip to the grocery store can lead to meeting your future wife.

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:roll: I just thought I'd add in to this topic as I have just begun to make a sincere effort to meet and develop a circle of lesbian women friends. I live in an area that is over all very closeted and hard to break into. Definitely the bar scene is not the best. Womyns dances run a close second to the bar scene - the music is loud and lately because of the gay marriage ruling most everyone is part of a couple, so you never know when you might be hittin' on someone's gf. For me it's been a slow process of just putting myself "out there"

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:roll: I just thought I'd add in to this topic as I have just begun to make a sincere effort to meet and develop a circle of lesbian women friends. I live in an area that is over all very closeted and hard to break into. Definitely the bar scene is not the best. Womyns dances run a close second to the bar scene - the music is loud and lately because of the gay marriage ruling most everyone is part of a couple, so you never know when you might be hittin' on someone's gf. For me it's been a slow process of just putting myself "out there"

:oops: My problem is...how do you put yourself "out there" when you are shy? :oops:

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I guess the "I'm A Dyke" sign is still out of the questio, right? :lol:

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I guess the "I'm A Dyke" sign is still out of the questio, right? :lol:

Most definitely. I wouldn't care to belittle myself in such a way.

Just as I wouldn't want to see my African American sister (if you want to get technical, for those with smoke rising from their ears trying to figure it out...sister-in-law) in an "I'm a N*****" sign. :x I would be appalled and devastated, she is too beautiful and classy a woman to adorn such a disgraceful thing. In a complete fantasy world of her actually comitting such an act, I think I would have to confront her about the negative affect she was having upon herself and her race.

Again, just a point of pride within yourself.

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I guess the "I'm A Dyke" sign is still out of the questio, right?

Most definitely. I wouldn't care to belittle myself in such a way.

Hmm... I quite like my button that says "Pink sheep of the family". It has the cutest little pink ewe on it.

That's Dandy :roll:

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I was, um, kidding. I do that sometimes. Defense mechanism says my shrink. But he's not to swift so maybe I just like to be laughed at?!? Aaagh, self-realization! Is that a word?

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I was, um, kidding. I do that sometimes. Defense mechanism says my shrink. But he's not to swift so maybe I just like to be laughed at?!? Aaagh, self-realization! Is that a word?

My response was more than casual? Maybe I shouldn't thoroughly explain my feelings to the issues as much. :roll: Sorry, depending on mood I could just say "yeah lol", or post what you saw. I guess it wasn't a "yeah lol" day for me. :P:)

It's all good.

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:oops: being shy it's difficult for me to have an "experienced" opinion. I will only know if another woman is flirting with me if she rips her clothes off and starts panting...that's how obvious it has to be. Otherwise, I'm kinda just wandering around with my head in the clouds :lol:

A girl smiled at me the other day. A stranger. I was walking passed her as she was sitting on a seat outside a shopping centre. She gave me a glance and a sweet smile. I smiled back...there was definite eye contact and I continued to walk and sensed her head turning to watch as I walked on. I felt something. Now this may not have been attraction on her part...who knows, all I know is I didn't do a damn thing about it. Later I thought, was she...you know...giving me a look...being shy I will never know these things and it pisses me off. Then I think, "well what am I going to do? Sit next to her and strike up a conversation?" God no.

Oh dear.

Another day in the life of Nic *sigh*

Men are so much more obvious about liking you than women are.

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I guess the "I'm A Dyke" sign is still out of the questio, right? :lol:

I thought that was pretty funny :lol:

Nic

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I like your quote to open up the conversation. I don't know how to let you know if someone is flirting or not. You may have to respond to those who are more blunt about hittin' on you. You don't sound like the kind of girl that likes subtleties. :D Okay, I'll let you in on that one. I am flirting with you there!! LMAO

Yours

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LOL Pagan,

Thanks for letting me in on that one...hahahaha.

Flirt with me, pleaseeeeeee...maybe I'll soon get the hang of it :wink:

You are right, I'm not good with subtleties, it's hard for me to read the signs due to my "not believing they are actually hitting on ME". I'm better with body language than words most of the time, I pick up on the energy more than what the other is saying. Go figure.

Take care of you

Nic xx

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It's women like you that make it hard for me. j/k!! I have the opposite problem. I'm SOOOO shy that when I like someone, I just smile a lot and hope that they understand. I'm too chicken to flirt (until the ice is broken and then I'm a big harleton HA!). I need a better strategy!

That's Dandy :roll:

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I def sympathize with this conversation...

I've been limiting myself to trying to meet women online because I have no idea how to flirt with guys, much less women.

Plus there is always the chance I will offend a straight girl by misreading her and hitting on her... and I am WAY to new to this to be rudely rebuffed.

I am trying to get out to more lez and bi girl clubs and bars but so far its been safer and easier to use sites like Lesbotronic.

What do you all think the best way to meet women is?

LOL Im sure this survey will be somewhat biased by the fact that you're all HERE already :)

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I'll have to make a vote for "meeting" online. Outside of college or someplace like that where there are groups that ID as gay/lez/bi it's kinda difficult. Work place is a possibility but that always seems frought with pitfalls.

Although my success with using the internet has been mixed, it's been more positive than negative. Getting a chance to chat about some things and swap stories, etc. gives you a good clue about whether someone is an asshole or not. In person there's that chance that you tell yourself, "Yeah, she's a stupid fool, but she sure is cute!" Then you'll be all.. Hello, Regret. Please, move in with me.

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Dandy if you smiled at me, I would probably strike up a conversation with you. I am so shy that I do the opposite in awkward situations so I can get over the weird shy feelings faster. Inside I am dying and hoping that I am not making a fool of myself, but outside I remain calm and collected. I think this comes from being a performer for nearly 20 years. I always feel as though I am on stage. And from performing, I know that stage fright passes once you are on the stage (and if it doesn't then you pass out or throw up on stage...either way, you've broken the ice). :lol: . Just joking, sort of. I mean think about it, what have you got to lose. You probably will never see this person again unless you say something.

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Dandy if you smiled at me, I would probably strike up a conversation with you. I am so shy that I do the opposite in awkward situations so I can get over the weird shy feelings faster.

Very cool. There's hope for me yet if smiling like a dork could attract a beautiful woman. :wink: I need to learn your strategy!

Speaking of which.... Heeeeeelp! I met this great chick and both times I saw her I was just a blabbering idiot because I'm so darned shy. I really do need to learn how to flirt because as it stands, I'm so nervous that it often comes across as lack of interest - when it's actually the EXACT OPPOSITE! Durg.

That's Dandy :roll:

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Hmm... this is a very interesting topic. I am very shy and it suprises me that so many others out there are like me. I have only been out (to my self) for about 3 yrs now. I figured that is why I am so shy. But now I dont know. Does it get easier with time?

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Dandy, it sounds like you are in a pickle. What types of things do you say or do that you think sound foolish? If you really like her, why don't you try being yourself. Flirting is really just a way of saying hi. Since you have already said hi, you've covered 1/2 the battle. You said you met her twice, if you don't mind my asking, where? Have you discovered anything you have in common (such as where you met perhaps)? Has she expressed any interest or are you still feeling her out? If she has expressed interest, it may be time to step up a notch to the advanced flirting. The most important thing to remember is to relax. She is probably just as nervous as you are. Try to bring the conversation around something you both share interests in or feel her out and find out if she shares an interest of yours (such as a local film or an art exhibit or concert or the weather). None-the-less just relax. If she doesn't like you for who you are, then she doesn't deserve to get to know you. I know that sounds cheesy, but it is true. You have to know that you have something wonderful to offer her and she should be so lucky. You should become a bartender for a week. It will teach you a lot about opening up around people. I think everyone should bartend for a week. I did it for several years and used to manage a jazz club. I don't recommend it long term. Just joking...kind of. Back to the point, be natural. Ask her how long she has lived in the area or some other how long question. The main thing to do to prevent babbling is to ask her questions to get her to open up. The more she tells you, the easier it will be to figure out how to ask her out. Or you could chit chat a bit and go for the gusto. Ask her to do something (on friendly terms). What is the worst that could happen? Before you answer that question, let me remind you that she has already talked with you twice so she must like something you had to say (or maybe she is still waiting for you to say more????). You are with out her now and if she says no, nothing will change. BUT if she says yes, then everything changes. So from where I see it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So don't be afraid. My dog just go sick, I have to go. Good luck.

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Dandy, it sounds like you are in a pickle. What types of things do you say or do that you think sound foolish?

Hmm, picture me grinning ear to ear, stumbling over my words, and then emitting giggles instead of words.

You said you met her twice, if you don't mind my asking, where?

Actually, it's a complicated story. I met her at a party the first time. Then I met another woman online who, as it turns out, was friends with her. So, I met her again.

Has she expressed any interest or are you still feeling her out?

Damn, I wish I was feeling her out. :twisted: But, we just went to a show together where she flatly said she wasn't attracted to me. *Sigh* that's the way the cookie crumbles. She's still a very cool person to hang with though, so hopefully we'll keep in touch.

I like your idea of bartending for a week. Kinda like my theory of telemarketing. Even though it's an evil job, it sure taught me confidence on the phone! (Hey, maybe I should bring a phone with me on dates). LoL!

Thanks for the advice, Teoria. Oh, and I hope your dog is ok!

That's Dandy :roll:

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Get your extroverted best friend to begin a conversation topic!!!

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