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Also.. I haven't told her that I'm very much into girls as well, if you missed that, so I'm also thinking of saying that part too -subtly. .. Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks. :)


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I do not have the foggiest clue who is and isn't gay/lesbiam. The entire make-up has changed. I am clueless on beingflirted with and do not want to take action then end up offending someone. I live in an area where the bar is the scene and don't like that. I wish there were more boostores, coffeeshops, etc. aound, all the states. In that wat I would at least have a chance in believing I am or she is flirting with a lesbian.



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I feel for all you shy folks. I'm pretty outgoing but, have had those moments of self-doubt that have inhibited my actions. I'm in an area of the country where dances are on the way back. They call em Hot Flash Dances for us older Disco era lesbians but, the younger lesbians usually show up around 11:00 PM-midnight. This environment is ideal for flirting and I love to flirt. The approach and eye contact with a smile, ask her if she'd like to dance. Copy her speech pattern and dance moves. If she says," I see" she's a visual person and you want to use visual language cues back to her. If she says,"I hear you", she's auditory. Ask her the usual questions you would ask when you are getting to know someone. If you are interested in her, move into her personal space a little bit and make physical contact with an arm touch. Allow your eyes to laugh when she tickles your funny bone. Offer to buy her a drink. Most of all enjoy yourself. If you both have had fun someone may be sharing a phone number by the end of the evening.
It's all about practicing your active listening skills and letting her know you find her intriguing.
If the venue is unclear, practice giving women compliments. If you see a woman with beautiful eyes tell her, if you like her tats ask her about them. It's about making a connection. Maybe you'll go have coffee and chat and simply found a friend. Or.......
Someone might be flirting with you if she makes and maintains eye contact with you, if she uses your sensory language back at you, if she moves into your personal space a bit while you are talking, if she makes physical contact ..... do a little flirting back and then ask her out for coffee.


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I'm going out to my first gay night out at our student union in a week and am quite nervous. Kind of feel a bit of pressure to get talking to girls because I'm quite excited about being fairly newly out. In the past I flirt easily with guys, but guys are just easy!!
Don't really know what to avoid with girls, because I know it doesn't bode well to be too full on :/


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ok just read your tips shalee, all sounds like pretty sound advice to me! Going to put it into action at my next night out :)


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Shalee's got it: Always watch and listen, be aware of body language and conversation points.

Flirting isn't hard, but it must be an activity filled with sincerity and respect.
If I see a girl that is cute or funny or smart, and I like her I usually smile extra wide, or try to make her laugh in return. My friends say I'm incorrigible, because even though theres a huge risk I could make a fool of myself I don't ever pass up an opertunity to tell a woman how lovely she is, or even wink at them. I look at it this way: Even If I will probaly never see her again, I want her to know that today right now she made me happy just being who she was and I think she's beautiful.
I'm not shy, and the best thing I can say to those that are is to think about making a move (of any kind) more as a gesture than a risk.
Even if you get nowhere you have done something brave and gotten that much better at communication.

If everybody was just a little bolder it would probably be much easier to tell if you are of interest to another, but people are frequently too afraid to go out on a limb even a tiny bit and things go un said or asked. There's always a chance that she's thinking the exact same thing and is also too shy to say it.

Edited by Tori_bird, 15 June 2012 - 07:54 AM.


Don't dream about being who you want to be, just be that someone... it's not as Miyagi as it sounds.


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I'm new to the whole flirting thing, have been with women with my boyfriend but i was buzzed or drunk and so it was really fun and i have been with a girl sober (i do not drink often) im a light weight. both are very fun and im wanting to advance my relationship, so how do i do so?

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Ms. Valentine

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I'm on the the total opposite end of the spectrum. I'm not shy at all really. This comes mostly from the fact that I will talk to anyone so I have a lot of practice. I recommend to try that way. Try sparking up a conversation, not with someone you're trying to hit on. The fear of personal rejection is not nearly as great. If they don't wanna talk you can just move on. No sweat off your back. Good things can come from this. One: You could meet someone really interesting as a new friend, and Two: It gives you practice on your approach to meeting new people. Gradually do this with people you find you are more attracted to. That way when the person you are super attracted to comes along you're a less shy and you've got plenty to talk about, because of all the information you've been receiving talking to so many different people. That's not to say that a pretty girl doesn't make me fumble a bit, but it's a lot easier.
Want to know who I think it's hard talking to... shy people. They seem so fragile, and i feel overly aggressive even when I know I'm not being so. If I feel like I have to hold the conversation, I either feel like you don't have much to talk about, or you're just not interested. It is hard figuring out who to approach. Especially because I like really femme girls. Not high heels all the time, (but I do like those :unworthy: ) The distinction on this level is super fine line. Example:
I met this girl at the bar the other night. Super cute. Super femme. She started talking to me in the bathroom line. I could tell she was a little shy. We spoke briefly. When I came out, I told her it was nice meeting her and went on my way.
She passed me later and I called her name. She came over with her friend. We had some drinks. Which indeed made her drop the shyness. Then she was super flirty ( I'm not advocating getting drunk here as this could go horribly wrong, just unfolding the story.) She asked for my number, I obliged. We talked some more, we danced a bit. She kissed my cheek. I about melted. Super giddy1 :thumbsup: . She went to leave with her friend. Turned around and planted one on the kisser. and they left. I texted her almost immediately. Said it was nice meeting her, hopefully I'd see her again. She replied most definitely. Couple of days later I called. Must admit I was a little phone shy. Got her voicemail. Left a message saying I was going to a show tomorrow and if she'd like to join. haven't heard anything back. (It's only been a couple of hours.) Now here's what I'm hoping. She didn't get a bit of the beer goggles and is now regretting the decision to give me her number, and that she doesn't let her shyness take back over and gives me a call. Only time will tell, but it was at least a good night. One that had she remained shy, wouldn't have happened. Moral of the story. If you don't put yourself out there a bit no one will see you.

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