no longer active member

you really can't judge a book by its cover

26 posts in this topic

A few months ago, i met someone online. We hit it off great and started to correnspond through emails and then on the phone. She asked me if I wanted to meet and though I was hesitant at first having never met anyone online in real life before, but I said yes cos lifes too short.

Well anyway we met the next day and I'll be damned if I didn't see a lost angel from heavan looking back at me. She had sent me pics through email but they didnt do her justice. We went to a few places and talked. After a while she said she wanted to tell me something and I said go for it. She told me she was a pre-op (meaning no surgeries done yet for those who dont know) Male to Female or MTF.

At first I didnt say anything and digested this new piece of info quietly. My first knee jerk reaction in my head was to think "godammit theres always a catch isnt there" but then I had to think about this harder. I realized theres really no reason to think this way. From talking to her I already knew she was a great person. So I told her that it was ok, and i didnt really have a problem with it. She looked surprised that I wanted to continue talking to her.

Well after this we talked more and more and now we see each other every weekend. She's the one who told me about Lesbotronic. She also told me that she used to have a profile here but deleted it. I guess there was a woman here (not the admins) who emailed her and told her basically she shouldnt be putting a profile up here and suggested that she delete it and go somewhere else that caters to "you kind of people".

I'm really glad that I didnt take the attitude that apparently many MANY other women have taken with my friend. If I had, I would have missed out on meeting a very exceptianal type of person. (and no thats not in reference to whats under her skirt). She has a fantastic type of personality thats pretty rare these days, killer sense of humor, she's smart as a whip, and absolutely beautiful to boot. (If she hadn't been honest and told me she was a mtf I NEVER would have guessed).

And just for the record, I am 10000% lesbian. Being attracted to my friend doesnt mean that I'm bisexual, because she really isn't a guy. Her being born male was just a techniacality. (God seems to laugh at us all in some way or another). So I guess the lesson here is, you really can't judge a book by its cover.

Share this post


Link to post
Try Audible and Get Two Free Audiobooks

Quote
And just for the record, I am 10000% lesbian. Being attracted to my friend doesnt mean that I'm bisexual, because she really isn't a guy. Her being born male was just a techniacality. (God seems to laugh at us all in some way or another). So I guess the lesson here is, you really can't judge a book by its cover.

Thank you for saying something like that. It's rare too see someone stand up for one of us. It's a very kind thing and something, I wish more people would say and think.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post

No need to thank me for that. I was stating the truth. It sickens me when i hear lesbians and gays bitching and moaning about being discriminated against and being oh so opressed and then turn right around and do the same thing to other people. That kind of shit makes me want to go and visit my local gun shop....

Share this post


Link to post

Nailbunny, I couldn't agree more! Too many lesbians see transgirls as guys in dresses. It is wonderful to hear that not all do. Thank you!

Quote
True beauty is found within. However, the wrapper can be nicely designed.

Share this post


Link to post

I just wanted to show my support for all the MTFs out there. Nailbunny you really are a doll and I agree with you...would you like to meet at a gun shop sometime? (P.S. I too am 100% lesbian, but it doesn't mean it have to condon discrimination. We as a community get enough shit from the rest of the world, we don't need to bring each other down).

Share this post


Link to post

Just noticing this from Nailbunny (re: a trans person):

"Well after this we talked more and more and now we see each other every weekend. She's the one who told me about Lesbotronic. She also told me that she used to have a profile here but deleted it. I guess there was a woman here (not the admins) who emailed her and told her basically she shouldnt be putting a profile up here and suggested that she delete it and go somewhere else that caters to "you kind of people". "

Not to interrupt the discussion too much (we hope) but wanted to say that we DO support the trans community, and we do welcome them as subscribers. Individual subscribers now have the ability to specify who they'd like/like not to hear from in that regard, but lesbotronic as a whole DOES welcome them. While we do not read messages sent betwixt subscribers amongst themselves unless a serious problem is reported, the idea that one of our subscribers would actually take it upon themselves independently to tell another based on trans status that they should leave lesbotronic because "they weren't our kind of people" makes us very angry. It's presumptuous, it's wrong, and that's not our mission, not our feeling on the subject. Again, while we do allow and support the ability of individual subscribers to specify who they'd like to hear from on trans variables, our goal is to be welcoming to all within this context and to allow everyone to "self-sort" according to what THEY want . . . as individuals . . . NOT just what one apparently overly busybody subscriber wanted.

We'd also add that our FAQ and other statements on the website make this clear as well. Anyone with any question as to who is/is not welcome shouldn't take the word of another subscriber, they should read what's on the site already, or ask us.

Thanks! :-*

Share this post


Link to post

this is a belated post to the topic, but i just want to say thanks. this really hit home. i can still remember the transphobic attitudes that i would encounter when going to the lesbian and gay community center in nyc and that was one of the safest spaces for tg folk that we had. it seemed that the community did not mind including us for census purposes, but after counting us, they wanted us to disappear back into the woodwork. made me feel like the trans population was an embarrassment to them.

Share this post


Link to post

another belated post, but yes! the respect and acceptance of other queer womyn is so important to me as a non-op mtf trannie (one who does not put dangerous, potentially cancer-causing hormones into her body or subject herself to a type of surgery she may see as mutilation). i've had the fortune of being involved in queer communities where operations did not define my gender identity, but i'm always afraid other queer womyn will reject me for not being a "full" or "real" womon, and it's a good reminder to see that there are womyn who don't do that.

ancil

Share this post


Link to post

i've never really spoken up 'til now...for fear of inserting one of my size 10.5 feet into my rather large mouth....

but, i could never reject a transwomon simply 'cos she wasn't "born" a womon...

i'll quote alix olson, "...having a c**t matters less than having the c**t mentality..."

Share this post


Link to post

I resolved who I was long ago. I am a woman, and that's that.

If someone else has a problem accepting me, well, so be it.

Share this post


Link to post

I have many friends that are TG & have dated a FTM...{Female to Male}...No they did not have bottom surgery, but they are human, too....Gay women that date TG's are called Transensual femmes....

Many other TG boi's, daddi's, etc. also pack 24/7..So our Rainbow World is full of all kind of flavors....Not just ~nilla~

Sweetly.....~lady~

Share this post


Link to post

I just have to say thank you, to the original poster, and to all the other people that posted on here, for understanding that who you are is not a physical thing, and people shouldn't be descriminated against just for trying to be who they know they are.

You all are awesome :)

Share this post


Link to post

Perhaps I am to blame as well. My own thoughts on this are confusing to myself. I am a in transition to female. I consider myself to be a pretty and soft femme. Transition is bringing great inner peace and joy. Now the Irony is that I long for a soft femme GG. I am not sure that if even I, who should know better, would "settle" for another TS. That is not written in stone as they say because the INNER person is really who I would wish to interact with and hopefully spend the rest of my life with. But I can't but notice the prejudice exists in myself and then why should I want to be accepted by a GG that may well have the same subtle feelings as I do.

Share this post


Link to post

I am not sure that if even I, who should know better, would "settle" for another TS.

This is a fairly sensitive issue for a lot of people I know, and every tgirl I know has a different attitude about it. A lot of them are shades of this, which to me speaks worlds about the way that we transfolk see ourselves. the question is begged "if we're not good enough to date each other, then how could we be good enough for others to date us? are we not many of us queer?"

personally, I absolutely adore the notion of dating a transguy. when I think about dating another transgirl, though, it bothers me for reasons I'm probably not all that proud of: while I can date a biogirl, a bioguy, or a transguy caring only for their character and chemistry with me, dating a transgirl just seems... gay. like I'd be dating myself.

which is not to say that I see a huge difference between biowomen and transwomen, because to do that would set me apart from biowomen in a way that I'm also not comfortable with. there's just enough difference so as to make me not want to date another transchick.

unless she were really hot with a great personality. viva exceptions!

Share this post


Link to post

Gender and my search for my significant other in conflict. I met a woman who contacted me knowing I was in transition. Our first was on that basis but even though her family (excluding her father but including her four daughters and mother) accepted me. But there was a gradual shift in her thinking if she could live in a lesbian relationship as that would "define" her that way. I agonized within my self as I began to truly love her, if her just allowing me to cross dress but not live full time and not go for GRS would be right for me. It was a painful choice to turn the relationship into a platonic or spiritual relationship and move on with my plans to go all the way post op and seek a mate that would accept me as I truly was inside myself. Now I am in contact with a woman that is just fine with my transition but I am trying to put off a meeting till this spring when I plan my operations. I just do not want to be placed in a position of a meeting where I am not all that I will soon be and then going through such a drastic physical change and hope a new relationship survives that. I find that living "in transition" is both joyous and confusing and even painful at times. I just cannot wait for the time that I will be as close to a genetic woman as science will allow. Part of this need to resolve to issue once and for all involves wanting so very much to find a woman to share my life with that is at least as feminine or more so than I am.

Share this post


Link to post

Something we all seem to overlook from time to time is that gender is between the ears, while sex is between the legs.

I am a MTF transexual who has been on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) for almost three years. I find the fact that a "natural" female lesbian is willing to treat a transwoman lesbian as well as has been stated very encouraging indeed.

Even in my most masculine days, I was always more lesbian than anything else in my approach to women . I have been wondering if I would ever find a natural female lesbian to love and be loved by.

Thank you soooo much for brightening my life with your story.

By the way, I wonder if other lesbian sites aren't missing the boat when they say that a transitioning MTF is not a lesbian in a man's body, and a totally butch natural female is not a man in a woman's body.

Oh, well. We are what we are. And ouir mentality is what we become.

Share this post


Link to post

This is a very interesting yet perilous issue--what a lot of people don't realize is that trans lesbians are likely more common than bi or straight trans for the simple fact of with and advanced distaste for one male body it makes sense that one would not like other male bodys as well.

My situation confuses me on a daily basis--I pass very well in in most situations. But-- I fit the profile of a physically and sexually abused lesbian. I have had horriD situations involving males and am attracted to males--but I am flat out scared of men. I have had nothing but hurt visited on me by then and even though I can fantasize about david duchovny I don't think it wise for me to date men. So I end up being lesbian--which I have always connected more to girls than men--men aren't attracted to me for anything other than the sexual near as I can gather--granted so are a lot of women...but...

I never feel I am be unlegitimate by going with the flow---but I don't see the point of announcing to everyone I meet that I'm trans----If I wish to court someone at all they will know---whether I have girl parts or male parts, because it is imortant that someone I will love knows that. But until I get to that first in person date---what I grew up as is my business and pretty much mine alone.

I am surprised at how many gay girls are open to t-girl relationships--it makes me happy because I feel a gay girl that will be involved with me will treat as female no matter what. I am bi-- but I'm not comfortable dating men especially because on top of my own issues---evrytime I have done even the most remotely sexual thing with a man I get very bad flashbacks. I do not know if this is something that can change--but I would have to move very slow in any male relationship and cosider if it would be fair to that man if I flashbacked everytime we were intimate. And honestly---even now I still get more women interested in me than men Lesbotronic is the only lesbian dating site where I have been able to put my m2f status on my profile. It makes me more comfortable because for online stuff I would rather them know ahead of time--it makes everything easier. If I meet someone at a bar and we connect I can tell them at a first date---e-mails, phone calls etc...I'd rather them know off the bat because I can also respect someone that, although being comfortable with a trans maybe not being able to date one:) I also agree with the previous poster that I have always been very lesbian in my approach to women... And I talk too much so--- Hooray for Lesbotronic and shit.

Share this post


Link to post

i just wanted to say that reading about transgender/transsexual issues here has really opened my eyes.

i am 100% lesbian-and female at birth or whatever...but-wow.

i admit i am not sure if i could date anyone who is not ..(?) ..oh..i don't know..

what am i saying?

this is why reading this is good.

i wish somehow this could be seen by more people.

i know there is a lot of info out in the world if one looks..but..well..this is the first time i really delved further than "i have heard of that" type thoughts.

i am a newcomer here-and did delete my profile (i am just not ready for dating i guess..or-really: online stuff tends to make me too self-conscious...(tho it is good too..)(just the "dating" part is too much for me i guess...right now)..i know: who cares!!!? 

anyway: i am-however-glad to have found this forum.

this particular topic has really made me think...and..it just sort of made my day.

(sorry if this is all scattered..i don't want to "edit" it all-as that somehow "ruins" it..

"anyway"-once again: i am glad to be here-and even tho i tend to be more of a reader than poster..well..it doesn't really matter does it?

it is just cool that there are places out there where people can actually speak w/o fear.

-andrea

Share this post


Link to post

I don't know if this is a hotbutton issue, but there are people like myself who only identify as female and not trans. I was in tersexed and grew up being told I was male. I was not reised as such and there are quite a few female aspects of my childhood upbringing. What some people don't realize, and I'm sure this is true for transmen in this situation as well.... Once someone walks though the door--they're on the other side, their sexuality, their demeanor, everything. I had a girl I was dating and she said that basically we can't ever be together because her parents will disown her if she is a lesbian. I tried to argue the point and get around it, due to my trans status and my history and realized I couldn't. It is some of the worst pain I have ever dealt with. And I realize... I can't go back. I am a girl from top to bottom, as much as situations like this pain me. It's not that I want to go back, it's just this thought came up. I am in horrid pain right now. It's funny---when I came out, I went from bisexual to lesbian. I have always seen woman in a lesbian manner, but it has gotten very different with how I look at women, its completely different than before. Icant say anyone else experience is like mine, but I have never wanted to be a t activist--and after losing somebody I love due to bigotry I am going to be a lot more active in the lesbian community, even though I already am fairly active. I want us as a gay community to be accepted, I want everyone to be able to be happy and no one to fear discrimination or loneliness just because the way they were born. Ok I'm done with my rant.

Share this post


Link to post

I would definitely date a mtf. To me, sex and gender are to totally different things, but only a few can tell the difference. I'm into the female sex and the female gender.

Share this post


Link to post

To reply to Krissy,

I hear you on the not identifying as trans. At this point, I definitely do identify as such, because I am not in any sort of physical transition, so to the world at large I am just a girl with short hair. And it makes situations easier, when I can just say, no I'm not a lesbian, I'm trans. Though, after some hormone treatment I will not want to use the label "trans" anymore.

So, I just wanted to chime in saying that I understand what you mean when you say that. I also think it's a fairly common thing.

Share this post


Link to post

Such a beautiful story! 

Oftentimes I wish the rest of the world was as open-minded as I am, but the diversity of the world is what makes it so interesting. Though I think it would be fine for me to date someone who is trasngendered, I guess I can see why someone who isn't bisexual would have difficulty in accepting that their boyfriend/girlfriend is more than meets the eye. Non-bisexuals have made a decision to exclusively date one gender. So, someone who accepts their lover despite blurry gender lines is a really awesome person indeed.

As someone said earlier, if the person you are with truly loves you, they should accept you no matter what! Love is love! 

Share this post


Link to post

I have had friends who trans but lost connact with them when I moved from Ga to Tx. I used to loved going to watch them in the trans shows at the Savannah Or Macon "gay" clubs. I see them for who they are not who they were. If you are a mtf then I see as a woman. I haven't slept with anyone who is in the process. Not becuase I have anything against them I don't. I am not saying I would not consider dating one, but myself she would need to be fully transitioned. That is just me, sorry ladies, but I would never turn you away from friendship. You are all wonderful ladies I am sure.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm new to the board and have been prety excited to start posting  So hello everyone !

I wanted to throw in a little of my own experiences so far. I started hrt almost two years ago now.

There has definately been much to over come, and it has not been an easy road whatsoever.

I'm not sure how I feel about the term trans because I really define myself as a female. Despite this,

I use the term because it helps others have a clue as to what I've gone through in my life.

No matter how much I wish It wasn't, I can't just forget the things I've gone through to get to now.

Unfortunately I can't at the moment afford to get srs done, so I am stuck in a position where, to some

I still have to prove my femininity. I have had conversations with a lesbian cis gendered woman

where she said, "sorry I can't date you, I only date women." and I just responded with a facepalm and

clearly said, "I am a woman!" This is terribly frustrating! I generally I don't have to deal

with these issues, because no one knows I'm trans unless I tell them. Dating is a terribly different story,

as I can't just pretend whats between my legs isn't really there. -.- On the bright side! I'd say a good

amount of people I have dated have not cared, and managed to accept me for the woman I am!

So there Is hope.  There are plenty of wonderful people out there that will love you for being you!

Share this post


Link to post

It's odd that one can chose to accept all the "odd", "off the wall", things about one's self and then would tell some one else, their "odd, off the wall" is unacceptable.

MTF: if you encounter this, simple shrug it off realizing it's not acceptable to them - but who's life is this anyway? I know some drags and they are lovely people. Ladies, you only get this once. Make it all YOU want it to be!

Share this post


Link to post

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now