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Personality or Looks?

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I'm pretty new to this myself and it's something that's also completely confused me. In my last relationship I took on more of the submissive role in most things and everyone considered my personality femme so I got labeled a lipstick lesbian (noticed that I got labeled and not that I labeled myself.) My ex looked femme, adored make up, but dressed in a more butch way and always associated herself as the guy in both her group of friends and in our relationship. Then again when i'm not with someone I usually take on a really dominant role and some people have called me butch for the role I take with my friends. It's so confusing! I feel like you womyn are extremely versatile in their personalities and it's impossible to just push us into one label. It kinda makes me think of those panties that have a different word personality for each day. We're ever changing.

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I love that we are talking about this; when I first started searching for love prospects on AOL years ago, I was always asked: Are you butch or femme?

It really turned me off, I guess because I didn't have a definite answer, and I wanted to say: How about getting to know me a little before asking such a personal question? OK I'm just myself. That's what I usually tell people. I don't know. Today I may have to change out my broken trash disposer (a butch thing to do?) and tomw I may be seeing a woman I like, who appreciates my eye shadow (femme)

I am in the same boat as you, BauboBBW. I enjoyed your various descriptions. I can relate entirely.

When I was younger, I probably exhibited more femme qualities, but now that I'm older and more independent, and strong, I feel more at home in men's clothes and men's shoes. But I still wear my hair long, and I know how to turn on the fem charm, if I have to be a little assertive, then I don't worry ....does this appear butch to other people? Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!

I know I like feminine women. I do know some whose personalities are very strong. Does that make them butch? No. I think it's more about how you're perceived. To be a whole person, we just need to embrace all that we are, and nothing is set in stone. Cut your hair if you want to. So what?

No one has ever called me a butch or dyke to my face. Does this mean people think I'm femme? Maybe, until open my mouth and start talking like I know what I'm talking about. Or until they see me walking.

Anyway, thank you for being honest, everyone. This really helps me. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin, and not try to fit into someone's cookie cutter description, just to have a girlfriend. Anyway, it's all good, and being one or the other, or both at the same time, is all a gift, that we give to each other.

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After giving this much thought, I have decided to keep my jeans, sneakers, oversize tops, sexy dresses, makeup, kick-ass attitude, big-ass car and let peiople spend their time trying to figure me out !

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I think it's more a label for appearance reference. But then again you could 'appear' butch but not have a masculine personality, then things get confusing after that... hahaha . basically what everyone else has already said...i'm just trying post something. lol.

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On May 10, 2004 at 3:35 PM, EmberPhase said:

Oh Dandy dear! We MUST talk! hehehe 

 

you sound like fun! 

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(edited)

my my ,, i got a feminine body and a masculine heart....

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Edited by cnthink_straight22

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I guess im like a tomboy but femme. But I have no idea what to consider myself as, except just me.

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hmm apparently I'm femme but I can be butch but to me it doesn't really matter

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On June 20, 2012 at 6:06 AM, cnthink_straight22 said:
my my ,, i got a feminine body and a masculine heart....

you play guitar...that's awesome I play too 

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Labels..... who needs them? Everyone one is different or so I've been told and so why categorise ourselves into such generalistic labels??

Sadly the phrase "Just Me" sounds a little dull but in essence it is the truth.

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I think who you are and what you are attracted to is innate in everyone of us. Embrace that, why over analyze it?

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I don't like the descriptive titles "butche" or "femme"...in my opinion, labeling simply categorizes your identity and limits your capabilities...because you've been given a label, you're now forced or obligated or expected to play a certain role...butche women are presumed to be masculine, aggressive, and by all means, "wear the pants" in the relationship and carry out all the duties that an average man would...on the other hand, feminine (femme) women are presumed to be passive, dainty, and by all means "ladylike"...and carry out the duties of the average woman...personality and looks are one in the same because your "inward" persona ultimately impacts your "outward" appearance...subsequently, you look exactly how you act or feel....

post-40008-0-72575700-1357398956_thumb.j

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I really do not think we should label ourselves, when we do that, we strict ourselves to what each of those labels stand for, thereby restricting our personality

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Labels to me are like clothes. Throughout our life people will try to dictate what we wear, in this context wear refers to labels. 

I try not to let others define me but I am constantly redefining myself and that is OK.  If I have to choose I guess I would be more femme than butch or stud.

 Mainly because of my love for all things girly. But I have moments when I shift to my male ego and am androgynous in those instances. 

Would that then make me a soft butch or stem?  Or do the labels even apply to those that are not 100% lesbians? 

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