I don't know about this label thing, either.
I get called butch because I look that way. But I do not act the way I understand butch to act. I do not want to be the man in a relationship, nor do I want to be the woman. For me, a relationship is what the people involved decide it needs to be. Sex is a give-and-take activity (for me, anyway). I do not want to be in charge or to be dominated (not on a regular basis, anyway).
I guess labels give people who don't know us an idea of what to expect. Unfortunately, what we think a certain label is and what someone else does, can be different enough to cause problems and confusion.
I knew a women who told me she was femme. When I met her, she was the biggest butch I had known to that point. lol. She (usually) dressed like a man, was aggressive and in charge. A dominant person in bed and in life. My mother said she was a feminine as a penis (lmao).
I do not really care what a person looks like or what label, if any, she uses. Admittedly, looks are what attract me to someone I do not know. If the personality is not there, I am not interested. However, if I find I like the personality of someone I originally thought was unattractive, I begin to find that person more and more attractive.
Me? I look butch. I have a semi-mohawk hairdo (semi because I do not shave the sides all the way to the skin), have 16 piercings you can see (no hidden ones), wear mens' clothing and shoes (don't even think of putting me in a dress), and like to do some guy-things. I've always been a tomboy. I like cars, football, women (lol), boxing, and I can bench-press what amounts to a whole human being. I am NOT aggressive, don't want to be the man to another woman, don't fight unless it is to protect myself, I like literature and write poetry, and don't usually engage in fart-related humor (maybe with my 14 yr old, because then it's kind of fun). Oh, and I don't work construction. lol.
You are what you are, I am what I am. As long as we are each comfortable with ourselves and each other, then it's fine. If you are not comfortable with someone and want her to change (I mean a major overhaul, not just a bad habit or two), then it's time to move on.
A good woman is like a good book: you'll want to get lost in both for hours and be much the wiser for it.