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Personality or Looks?

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ok i wish i would have been reading this post from the beginning cause reading them all at once was a little overwhelming but it sounds to me like everyone has the same basic idea that we cant really fit ourselves into these labels so who exactly made them up... i think it was straight ppl trying their best to understand us and so dividing us into groups that they can analyze instead of trying to fathom us as a whole... i mean me i like to dress nice but i hardley ever wear makeup or spend hours on my hair and i wear a skirt or dress maybe twice a year... sexually im bisexual so i play a very meek submissive role with men but with my last girlfriend i was trying more dominant things in fact i strapped on for the first time :D definitely a good thing lol... anyways im not at all sure what ppl either in the straight world or here where we live would percieve me as all i know is women are sexy whether they are butch or femme or tomboy or whatever... and sexual preference is just that personally i would rather be dominated by a woman but if its a very pretty woman with long blond hair and a sweet little voice then is she really a butch just cause shes in control im thinking not


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Ok I had to respond to this one because I recently got a crew cut, I usually do it every year to give my hair a break from dying it, but it seems very unsettling for those around me. I consider myself very feminine, red nails, lace panties and bra kinda gal. I love shopping and doing all the girlie stuff, I am attracted to femmes and some long haired, what some would consider butches, gals. I have been told I have a great face for this hair style, square jaw and all, yet most want to label me butch, hhmm.

Well if it was about attitude, then my take no shit from anyone attitude would be butch/bitch, but I wouldn't self identify that way. And now with the crew cut they again want to label me but this time as soft butch, because of the make-up and nails. I just say get a life or get to know me before you try to paste a label on me, cause tomorrow its high heels, dangly earings and a dress, the day after that is a tight sweater and cowboy boots, so if you want to keep track and try to label go right ahead. But just when you think you have me pegged, guess again.

Just my two cents worth.


"Well behaved women rarely make history!"


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this is something i'm encountering for the first time. as i am re-entering the dating world i am discovering that things have changed since I was last single. the first thing most people ask now is butch or femme, and i am stumped. i do not identify as either, i am a tiny bit of each but mostly androgynous. i'm so frustrated with this that i'm putting my headlines on my personal ads to read "i'm not a femme...or a butch..." just to save everybody's time when so many are specifically looking for those things. as for me i'm looking for neither butch nor femme, just an intriguing personality and an interesting mix of traits... i'm probably dreaming the impossible dream!
I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death.


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I think what defines a butch to a femme is both personality and look. Someone can look femme, but act butch or vise versa or someone can look butch and act butch or vise versa.

It all depends on the woman.


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i say it should be a combination of the both.. i couldn't date a dull, pretty girl or an awesome girl that looks like a train wreck. now i'm not shallow but shes gotta have a little of each to get me :)


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Being butch is both personality and Looks. I myself am a Butch. I look and feel like a Butch, Therfor I am. :D
There's a difference between Beauty and Charm. A Beautiful Woman is one I notice. A Charming Woman is one who notices Me.
-John Erskine


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First I am thrilled that I am learning to navigate this site! I am even more thrilled to read that some of you have it all figured out and others are like me :roll: I have finally decided to be who I am, and that is lesbian although I don't know what type I am. I suppose I love feeling feminine but I'm pretty athletic too. I don't dress like a princess, but I don't dress like a man either.

I want to find someone that I can take good care of and someone that will take good care of me and for once in my life, I don't want to have to be so damned strong. Being primarily with men (while finding a few sexual interludes with women on the side), I have come to realize that it will never work because, truthfully, they don't understand me and I despise what most of them stand for and how they view this world. I'm over it! :!:

I want to care for and be cared for like I never have been...I'm wounded and vulnerable and I guess over time, I will figure out what my preferences are, right? Please tell me it's okay to not have a label :D
I aim to live an authentic life to the fullest from this day forward...no more pretending to be what I have never been. I finally DGAF what "they" think and selfish isn't so bad :)


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We as humans need an identity! Theres no use having a identity crisis over whether your butch or femme. But to actually be someone besides other labels like... queer, bi- sexual or dyke is an understatement. I am a female (always have been) and am attracted to women. What type of women that I am attracted to and is labeled in society butch or femme is politically incorrect...Not all tomboys are butch, not all femmes are girlie. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex with or without labels. We can label ourselves butch or femme but I am just straight out gay.


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labels dont really bother me as long as they dont get too carried away. i would say that im definietly a femme both in personality, and looks. but for someone else, i guess you'd either have to ask them what they mean, or kinda guess. but you're right. my ex looks femme, but she says shes butch. i would call her tomboy. but i guess in everyones eyes they have a different view.

or maybe im a lipstick lesbian? haha. thats much too involved for me. all i know is i like women, and im a totally girly girl. :D


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I think it really depends on the person. For me it's a bit of both.

Externally, I'm very much a diva. I'm into fashion/hair/makeup/general maintenance shenanigans.
Internally, I have the mind of a sixteen year old boy. I like dick and fart jokes, I laugh at poop or the mere mention of a dirty word. Beyond just basic immaturity, my actual thought process borders more on "manly" when it comes to relationships and the like. I'm not very emotional, I fail at romance, and I don't understand women at all. I tend to prefer the dominant role in a relationship, as well. I like sports, and camping, and hunting, and beer and titties.. Basically all your stereo-typical "man activities".

I joke around a lot about being a guy. I even changed my gender on Facebook to male (which is borderline hysterical, and confuses a looooot of people). But no one would ever guess any of that just by glancing at me.

I think the labels work for some people. And for others, they just don't.

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