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flirting and getting over previous relationships

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Ack. This is a controversy that rears its head fairly frequently on any board that allows the bi-curious, the legitimately (ACTUALLY) bisexual, and the lesbian subscriber to post together all in the same place. I think we've already had this debate even elsewhere on THIS board, but I'm in the middle of a holiday thing here and can't find it immediately so let me just reiterate here:

There is nothing wrong with a bi-curious woman, as long as she doesn't represent herself as anything other than PRECISELY that. However, there is a lot of "bad press" in the queer community surrounding supposedly bi-curious women, in that many of them are primarily "making out" with ACTUALLY bisexual and/or lesbian women just to please and/or turn on their boyfriends and/or men they'd like to date. We here at lesbotronic do NOT say that this bad press is undeserved, rather we say that it is seriously unfortunate, for everyone involved.

WHY do we say that it is seriously unfortunate? Well, first of all, we'd say it's unfortunate if an ACTUALLY bisexual or lesbian woman gets fooled by one of the women described above. However, if she's been dating for more than 15 minutes, we'd hope she wouldn't be. Phrases like, "my boyfriend wants to watch," or "It's my husband's fantasy," in any email or personal ad would be a huge tip-off. So would a ring of men drinking beer around you and your other female date clapping their hands and yelling, "Take it OFF!" Just a couple of general hints.

So, that would be the "bi-curious" babe you might want to avoid . . . at least if you're not into the above. (If you are, then . . . happy hunting, and we're sure it WILL be happy, because you won't have to look far.)

Second, we'd say that it's seriously unfortunate if an actually bisexual or lesbian woman thinks "bi-curious for a boyfriend" is the same thing as actually bisexual. Because . . . it isn't, and it never has been. And that's where the damage to the actual and legitimate women's queer community comes in.

There is and has always been another sort of woman, the aforementioned ACTUALLY bisexual woman. She is ACTUALLY bisexual, in that she can form meaningfully intimate and longer-term sexual relationships with women as well as men. She is neither homosexual or heterosexual, but BISEXUAL.

And yes, Betsy, this sort of woman does actually exist. If she's monogamous, and finds a woman she wants to be with, she can actually avoid dating men in favor of dating the woman she wants to be with for just as long and as passionately as any lesbian or heterosexual female could do similar with their relationships. If she's poly, she can hold a relationship with a woman in as high a regard and treat it as respectfully as she holds her relationships with men.

Any questions?


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Celeste, I simply want to offer support. I feel you and I don't think its to mistreat anyone.


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Save yourself the heartache. I tried to wait for a girl before that was getting over her relationship and she used me as a crutch. You'll likely face the same problem because if you've ever been in a serious relationship you know that you're a mess when you break up and you're not able to jump into another relationship. Her previous relationship problems will overlap into the one you create with her because she'll still be hurt. Let her heal, tell her to call you in 6 mos once she gets over it. No good can come rushing her or pressuring her either... she needs time... she can't/wont be able to love/date/whatever you

I'm sorry for not sugar coating my response I'm sure you have feelings for this girl... but you must protect yourself first and foremost


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There are some relationships you never get over, some girls that are stuck in your heart forever. That being said, I do believe that you can find room in your heart for new people too. It just takes time and patience.

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