Guest EmberPhase

people who don't like the way other people look in public

84 posts in this topic

Thanks for the butch plug Amazonsmurf...I'm a big fan of card carrying femmes who know what they like.

And Princeking, thanks for the cute pictures. I like the bois thing, it's cool.

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Beltane..

Well, I think there is a considerable amount of "who needs labels" ideology floating about in lesbian-land, and it instinctively makes me jump up and scream " I do, I do!" Everyone takes on labels as they go through life, from the simple and innocuously innocent (dog owner) to the more complex (identifying according to race, class, sexuality, gender etc.) It's a matter of what people accept as 'natural' categories. "lesbian' or 'women of colour' or religion-specific categories aren't challenged. But for some reason, butch/femme is, as if it isn't an acceptable way to identify. I sometimes get the impression from the community that all lesbians should be of the androgynous women-loving-women variety.

So, I absolutely feel the need to plug our fabulous butch gals, (who I think take a lot of flack from the community), and to try and explain what butch/femme means (to me at least.)

Ciao,

Sam.

**What makes those butch gals so sexxxy #107: the way the strut.

#4: the tie, #76: biceps, #2: the biggest and softest hearts you will ever know.****

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When I was a teenager I thought I was Bi... At the age of 21 after sleeping with a man I realized they were useless... I like woman and there is nothing that is going to change my mind about that. I have always been a tom boy.. when my girl cousins were playing with Barbie and My Little Pony... I was playing with GI Joe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers!

When I am watching a movie with women I would rather be the one that she cuddled up against, or the stereotypical stretching of the arm where I put my arm around her but why is it when I am in a similar situation with my best friends Mike and Andrew.. I can curl up with them and be completely "girly"... I just don't understand it.

I find myself confused more and more about myself recently and I am just looking for someone who can give me some insight..

My friends all know I am gay and that I shop in the men's section of whatever store we happen to be in but does that alone make me butch? I also cut my hair short, like a fade, or spikey... Is that what makes me butch? When I am dancing with a woman, I like it best when I am leading the dance... but I am attracted to Femme and Butch alike.. So basically I guess my main question is what defines Femme and Butch... I just don't know.. and its something I would like to learn...

Can someone please get back to me as i am really interested in learning the definitions to these titles? I don't even know what the hell to refer to myself besides Lesbian... Or as some assholes refer to me "Bull-Dyke" But I still just want to know why they say these names... Someone please help.. PM, E-mail or Reply to this post.

IrishWolfGrrl@excite.com

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Hi Irish  I know my post is quite sometime after yours but I thought I would reply anyways. I don't know how you're feeling these days but it's fine to label yourself "just" lesbian. You can change your identiy anytime it suits you. Just because you're sometimes attracted to butches doesn't make /you/ less butch. As for bulldyke - there is (or was) a national Australian GLBT magazine. One issue had the national president of some organisation on the front. Her teeshirt said "It's /Ms/ Bulldyke to you". Brilliant eh? 

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I think all people not based on anything can really look how they feel they are happy with. Just because some of see it a different way,what right do we have to judge someone else. Would we want to judged?

My makeup is not right,

my nails are to long,

my hair had a day,

What gives us the right to judge??

I mean being lesbian don't we judged enough and how does it make us feel?

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People are always correcting me and Im sick of it. I have 6 tattoos, 4 of which are visible because they are on my neck. I am also large cheasted so many shirts look skanky on me because I refuse to wear a baggy shirt that makes me look heavier then I allready am. I am pretty short to so even if I get my pants hemmed they still drag on the ground or they are too short and show my ankles and socks. The point is, is that I cant change who I am. I am who I am and thats how I will always be. People will always look how they want to look, how they feel comfortable looking, no matter what anyone tells them. I might be alone in this but peoples's appearences dont bug me at all. I always see their personality first for some reason.

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This is all very lively.  While I agree that at least making an attempt to look decent is preferable it's not that important  all the time.  

There are many reasons why those women might have presented the way they did. Below are some examples.

1. Financial difficulties. I'm going through this one myself and I know I look well below my standards for myself but I do my best with what I have.  

2. Stress.  Any kind of stress makes you care a hell of a lot less about such trivial things as how you look at any point in time.

3. Depression etc. I also suffer from emotional/mental issues. When they flare up I honestly can't give a flying fuck about what others see when they look at me. 

Now if any of those are the case or even if they're not,  it's not nice to judge when you don't have any knowledge as to why the person behaves as they do 

That's my take on things.  We should be lifting each other up not tearing each other down.  

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maybe, you were personalizing their appearance because they were lesbians. if it had been a goofy looking straight couple, would you have cared? if the answer is "no", try reminding yourself that other people's lifestyles aren't about you and other lesbians aren't reflection upon you. there's somebody out there for everybody. just be happy for the fashion senseless - they found each other and seemed happy together.

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I'm responding to the original post here. I can relate to the thoughts (not the words), and sentiments expressed initially. I recently became open to the idea of dating butch women after dating femmes for 20 years. (Was married 10 of those years). Anyway, I went on two first dates this year with non femme women.. Not sure how they identified. I must say that I was shocked and disappointed both times because of the way the women were dressed. Let me say that there was nothing wrong with the ways that they were dressed, it just didn't seem appropriate for a date. Although the women seemed to like me, I kept thinking that they didn't care enough about me to put any effort into the date. I mean I really felt hurt and rejected. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I remember when people actually got dressed up for a date... Both men and women. I was so unhappy after the second date that I had to talk to someone about it. I actually discussed it with one of my dates. She said that she "was" dressed up... Awkward!!! She went on to describe her clothing and their labels. Apparently, she had put some thought into it. I did feel bad listening to her explanation. To me she looked unkept because her clothing seemed one or two sizes too large. She looked sloppy to me. Not attractive at all. After talking to a friend, I found out that a lot of people just don't dress up anymore. Today, life is all about being comfortable. Personally, I still like the idea of unwrapping a pretty package although what's inside is most important. I can only speak for myself but if I were a butch woman I'd still put forth the same effort to look nice for my date. I'm still hopeful that I will meet a dapper butch woman. 

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