Carrie

Comparison for the bi ladies out there

I was wondering for the women who have had relationships with both men and women, with whom do you feel more comfortable as far as issue about your body? IE the feeling that you look fat or not pretty or whatever that we all feel from time to time.

My origional thoughts were that women lovers are more forgiving and accepting of flaws because they have similar bodys and struggles, but my str8 friend said that she could never see herself dating a woman because she would feel competitive with her, and compare their bodies all the time.

What do you all think?

Share this post


Link to post

I think I would feel more inadequate with a man than a woman. I had the same feelings as you that women lovers would be more forgiving than male lovers.

I don't think female lovers would critique your body . . . though I've never had either a male or female lover before so who am I to say! LMAO

I think I would feel more inadequate with men then I would with women.

Yours

Share this post


Link to post

I used to ID as bi, but now I ID as Les. In regards to body image, I have always been with people who appreciate my body as it is. Whether or not you are comfortable with your body has more to do with how you feel about yourself. Happiness begins inside. I think your straight friend is someone who already compares herself a lot and is not entirely comfortable in her own skin (even if she appears to be on the outside). I love beautiful things and people (but they must be beautiful on the inside and out). Inner beauty and intelligence are the most important qualities and a definite must (but I tend to date models and the like). This can definitley make you question your own appearance. I remember being very comfortable with how I looked (even though the guy (yes, a guy several years ago) looked fabulous) until he came home one day and announced he got a job as a Calvin Klien model. I didn't even know he was with an agency. Suddenly, I found myself at the gym more than my usual once a day until I realized that I am perfect the way I am and neither man nor woman can change that. I think that as long as you realize the person you are with knew what you looked like b/f they started going out with you and obviously found you attractive so why should you question yourself. Although, I must admit that my first time with a woman I was a tad intimidated and very aware of my body in ways I hadn't been before. So I guess for me, it was easier to be w/ a guy than w/ a woman b/c straight guys don't generally tend to notice more than one or two features. Women tend to pay closer attention to details. Does this help or add to the confusion?

Share this post


Link to post

It's so great to see someone bring up this issue! This is a question I've pondered myself for quite some time. I know women by nature are most aesthetically inclined; not to mention more insecure with their own bodies. So I would imagine that it's more likely that a women would be more aware of body flaws. Then again, a woman is probably more likely to be understanding and forgiving emotionally. Perhaps it all balances out in the end...  I sure hope so anyway!!!

Cheers,

Velinda

 

Share this post


Link to post

Here's my two cents. Women are highly conscious of body image because the media is saturated with images of the accepted ideal. Although there is definitely a market for men, the emphasis is overwhelmingly on women. Sex (more specifically, the female body and the female body pleasing the male) is used to sell men's products. And sex is also used to sell WOMEN'S products. The message to (straight) men is: buy this product and GET a perfect woman. The message to women is: buy this product and BE a perfect woman for a man.

So, that said, I think that it would make sense if the pressure to be perfect for a man were higher. The targetted audience of most beauty commercials is not lesbian women. I tend to feel more at ease and more free to be imperfect with lesbians who pay less attention to social ideals. Of course, we are social creatures and it's impossible not to be influenced to some degree. But, I believe that the expectation is to be perfect in order to please a man, not a woman.

That's Dandy 

Share this post


Link to post

and this is where i step in..

hey all  I'm stella and i'm from the chicagoland area----i'm in a queer femme fat burlesque group  we are breaking down the stereotypes in the queer and mostly the lesbian/bi society---that fat is ok and can be beautiful---ok i'm not the fattest of the group, but i got junk in my trunk and flabby arms---and i'm still beautiful  i'm happy with my look---whether or not my weight fluctuates or not---i'm sexy and i can see the response from the audience---they embrace my curves because i am an individual---we're all different, some of us have tits, some of us have ass, thighs, more stomach, etc. etc. and life is too short to worry concentrate on only the exterior

i'd hope women would be more accepting of womens bodies---and not buy into the model woman for a man

www.hellcathussies.com

Share this post


Link to post

Quote
i'd hope women would be more accepting of womens bodies---and not buy into the model woman for a man

Absolutely! I prefer curves. My ex pointed out to me once that beauty is based on class. Chubby women were once the ideal because the high classes could afford to sit around, eat, and pay others to do all the work. Now, it's the opposite. The rich can afford personal trainers, trips to Cuba, and tanning salons. I'd rather have others wait on me and be curvy. LoL!!!

That's Dandy 

Share this post


Link to post

I would have to say that feel better around womyn, and I think that has to do with the natural way of things...I always hear womyn, str8, gay and whatever, comment on the beauty of other women....I have never been in the company of 10 men...but I can assure you that men are not talking about their thighs and bumpy bottoms....things are just different with womyn.

Share this post


Link to post

I feel more comfortable around women as well. I don't date men, but I have plenty of male friends and whenever I say something along the lines of "I think I've gained some weight.." they start going off about how I havent. Where as with a woman.. I have faith she'd let me know when I was gaining some as to not let it get out of hand.

Though on the other hand, I've gotten pretty pissed about some of the girls I've dated and their obession with their body image...

Ah well. That didn't make sense. So glad I could help.

Share this post


Link to post

I am lesbian but in a former life I had relationships with men. Generally, I think there is no difference in how men or women view women's bodies. There are many men that truly do love everything there is to love about women, regardless of shape or size. Conversely, there are many women that have a very narrow view of what constitutes 'beauty' in terms of womanhood. Personally, I find women's bodies beautiful regardless of shape, size, and condition. But the body is simply a wrapping to what lies underneath, which is more important even in a sexual sense. A Porsche without an engine is about as useful as tits on a bull.

Share this post


Link to post

heheh tits on a bull

makes me giggle 

A lot of really good points were made, I still don't think I have enough experience to tell who is more supportive of my body no matter what condition. I think this is because I have not had a female SO yet, I've only been in love with 2 ppl, both men. One was extremely negative about my looks and the other is really supportive of a healthy lifestyle and makes an effort to make me feel beautiful. So maybe this whole issue is just dependant on individuals. Although I think i need to find a woman to fall in love with to really make a fair comparison 

Share this post


Link to post

My woman was a beautiful goddess!! She had big tits and a huge ass and belly galore- she was a big girl and I always thought I would want to be with the slim type...

Well, she was all there and I did enjoy her... and had her enjoy me...

Even now, I dream of her curves and her vuloptuos(sp?) body. But that was othing compared to her spirit, her person. That which made her truly beautiful was her heart and soul. That is what I loved and made love to...

Share this post


Link to post

Hola! This is my first post in this forum, so I'll try not to stick my foot in my mouth! 

I previously identified as bi (for 5 years) and came out last year as a lesbian....It's been my experience that the lesbian community can be just as judgemental as the straights when it comes to body types (or sizes). I've even seen a examples of this whilst I lurked in another forum....

I'm willing to bet that I'll get shouted down for saying that, as I've "heard" lesbians talk about how it's a shame that women have to deal with body issues and "lookism" - but would rather be dragged through a cactus patch by her pubes than go out with me. 

For myself, I personally feel more comfortable with women (especially my more voluptuous sisters, sorry!) and in particular, I find larger, voluptuous women more attractive....must be the junk in the trunk! 

Share this post


Link to post

I am comfortable with either,...

But for me it depends on love.

I am not comfortable with someone I am not in love with... I think it's more a privacy thing. My body is something special for deep loves alone.

But if I am in love, and they are in love with me, I don't sweat it.

Share this post


Link to post

Dandy, I agree with what you said. I think quite similar in that regard. For me personally I think it depends on WHO you are with. If you feel comfortable with your partner (man or woman) because of who they are towards you. Not all men make women feel like crap if they do not fit into the ideal mold (nor am I implying that anyone here said that  ) I happen to be with a man that has always made feel lovely, just because he accepts and loves me as I am. I have been with men though that I have felt made me feel badly about my body...by making comments or something of that sort. They brought attention to things about myself that I never even thought about. I think women have to constantly keep up being strong and believing in their beauty, as diverse as it is, due to incessent bombardment of what beautiful is. I myself, have said fuk the beauty myth. It took a long while...but hey better late than never. Hope I did not go off topic too much there 

Share this post


Link to post

i've always felt more self-contious around woman, to tell the truth. All (or most) of the men I associate with probebly wouldn't even notice if I put on weight and a lot of them hate make-up...

In my experiances women can be SO much nastier when it comes to appearances, maybe it's because they (and I) feel as though we are competing against eachother...but women can also be so much nicer, because they'll notice the new hair cut or that you've lost weight...hmm, that's a difficult one...

Share this post


Link to post

I've always felt more comfortable with women.

I dated one guy who enjoyed the fact that I'm BBW because he saw it as a way to keep a girl around while he cheated with the model types (said no one else would ever want me). Then another who was just...evil.

And I dated a woman who was beyond wonderful. While she was only a size 5 she looked beautiful, inside and out. She had a glowing spirit which is what I always look for now.

I really only want to be with women now because they always make me feel special whereas men always made me feel horrid. So I prefer the company of women.

Share this post


Link to post

Over the years I've been with more men than women. Not only do I generally get along better with men I find that the majority  are more attracted to my abundant curves.  It's hard to find a woman that likes curves that I'm also attracted to and can get along with. Everyone has different experiences though. 

Share this post


Link to post

I've been with a lot of men, and women. I always feel more comfortable with women. I'm really short and tiny, and not particularly curvy. Whenever I'm with guys I feel like there's some sort of competition between other girls and I, like I have to make myself prettier to keep my guys attention. Maybe I've just been with some shitty guys? I'll say one thing, though- I've never felt insecure about myself with a women.

Share this post


Link to post

I can't really say much about having lovers as I've only had one technically (a man) but I'm seriously attracted to Women (they look so much better than men) though I Know plenty about body issues.

I was bullied from grades 1-12 for being fat and wearing glasses. I still have a very hard time thinking of myself as pretty, let alone beautiful. 

And being bisexy, I'm attracted to most people which makes it hard to be comfortable around most anyone.

Though I can say that even clothed I feel incredibly vulnerable around women opposed to men. With men it's like who cares, but I look nothing like my ideal woman and it just haunts me wherever I even talk to a woman. I'm sure it would be worse when I cant hide in a cute dress. 

With my lovely male SO, I don't have to compare myself to him and I Can shed the clothes noproblems. 

Though I still really want to try on a woman even with that fear.

Share this post


Link to post

I've dated more men than women generally speaking and it has a lot to do with this topic. I end up removing myself from situations where I feel judged or self conscious which unfortunately, happen to be those involving other women. Maybe I'm just desensitized to how guys converse about body image or maybe I've been around too many Regina Georges. Who knows. 

Share this post


Link to post

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now