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older/younger relationships

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I've been an out lesbian since the tender age of 15, I'm now 45. During the first decade my attraction leaned toward older women. During the second decade my attraction leaned toward women my own age. Now, my inclination is toward women in the 21-30 range. Despite the social stigma and teasing I've encountered, I've had successful and meaningful relationships with women 20 years my junior.

I'm curious to hear from others on this subject, your experiences, attitudes, etc.

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Well, it looks like this was posted quite a while ago, but since no one else replied I'll reply anyway. I'd be curious to hear why you're inclined toward women so much younger than yourself. There's a whole host of jokes about heterosexual men and younger women, their mid-life crises, etc., but I think this is actually the first time I've heard something like this about a lesbian. What is it about the younger women? Do you think women your age aren't energetic enough? Are you not able to find women your age attractive? (because that might be perceived as immature or self-hating) Do you like to be in charge of everything, and find that's easier with a much younger woman?

Personally . . . while I couldn't date anyone 20 years younger (because that person would be a child) I still couldn't see myself dating anyone more than 10 years younger. I value life-earned intelligence and experience in a partner, and that is something younger women won't have to the same degree someone that's 45 will (or at least, should).

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Im 45 and find myself romantically attracted to women who are older than I am but physically more attracted to younger women. I really think it doesnt matter and I think alot of lesbians have thought more deeply about their sexuality than the average hetero female and deeper thinking /emoting tends to transcend the age gaps a little more. Maybe ...Idon know :?:

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HI, I am new to the boards and though some of the topics seem to be a bit dated but I will respond anyway.

I have been in several LTR and all my GF's have been older than I. My last parter was 10 years older and my current GF is 6 years older. I am 40...hence Missy40. I don't know what attracts me to older women, I guess the fact that they for the most part are more mature and comfortable with themselves. I briefly dated someone several years younger and it didn't work out, she was clingy and did the "I LOVE YOU" bit after making love for the first time.

I can appreciate a younger, firmer, carefree woman, but honestly....I'll take my partner anyday over someone younger. Just my thought on the topic, anyone else?

Missy40

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Im 22 and I think i'd prefer to be with someone whos at least had 4 years on me perferably 9 to 10. I just find that the women my age are not as mature and some are not even sure of themselves sexuality wise (they tend to hop around sometimes). To me there is just something more attractive to have an older woman on my side (makes me feel even more proud of the relationship). One reason is because of the domination issue. Personally I think everything should be 50 50 but as far as passion I feel older women are more experianced. I think alot of older women are more experianced in general areas of life. Even as a 22 year old I know Im still going through my learning process. Its changes every year but I still think we live into our adolesence at least til 25 at the most 27, maximum 29. I agree older women are wiser.

Ray Gay :D

ps: beauity comes with age

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Hey Ladies, I am probably one of the rare young women who loves being in a relationship with an older woman. I have been in two long term relationships with older women (when I was 16 my girlfriend was 29, when I was 18 my girlfriend was 33, I am now 20 yrs old) and I must admit it was a relief being with someone who didn't act like they needed a babysitter 24/7, as many women in my age group do. I see nothing wrong with dating older women and I actually encourage mature women in my age group to seek out relationships with older women instead of wasting their time with immature babies. And to the older women YOU ARE WANTED :wink: so continue to make this world, and young women like me who love you, a happier place :D

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I agree with the above post. My first (and only relationship at this point) started when I was 17 and she was 28. Now I'm 19 and she's 30. The only reason we are not together anymore is because I moved 3000 miles away. Age came up several times when we were together but it was more of a joking type thing. I've always been more mature than my peers so it just seemed so natural to be in a relationship with someone older. Plus, I like being taught things :wink: I also remember always being attracted to older women and I'm sure I will continue being attracted to older women. I might actually get that from my mom. My mom was 26 years younger than my dad. Hey, at least she can't say anything to me about my relationships.

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Mortalum, your situation sounds like mine. Jane and I broke up because she decided to go into the Army, but we're still friends, and Kate and I broke up because she was asked to head up her company's new office in Miami, Florida. That relationship ended after Valentines Day and I have been since ever since :cry: When I tried to form meaningful relationships with girls in our age group a lot of them don't have their shit together. Like I know what I want out of life and I am in the process of getting there, too many girls are unfocused, have children (I love kids I don't need them until I can take care of them) and have no direction what so ever. That irks me and is the reason why I am very wary of younger women and extremely open to dating older women. It's a proven mechanism that works :D

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my most recent gf was all of.... 22 years old (i'm 37), my first gf was a year younger than me.....so i'm all over the place....i primarily tend to be attracted to the spirit and not the age (tho' i would like them to be of legal age....as it helps to avoid legal entanglements)

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I think this is the hardest thing to deal with. Even though we are lesbian womyn, some of us are still influenced by what the world says is beautiful. Youth is another avenue that mega producers and american media use to perpetuate more insecurities in womyn...now in this day and age you have 25 year olds feeling old because they are not rich and benefitiing from shit like american capitalism which starts each rich child where it's parents left off..

This is one topic that annoys the shit out of me, because as I enter grad school, I feel like shit somedays because I'm broke, and that stupid bitch A.simpson is making more money than what some small countries make in a year

I personally adore older womyn, and that was something that I had to train myself to do. I also had to train myself to appreciate the beauty of older womyn of color, because eventually I will be one and I want to embrace that and not become bitter against other womyn, who are younger than me..capitalism and imperialism and sexism has contributed to alot of the negative ideologies that we take in.

For instance I was talking to this older jewish man the other day and it was totally an accident, because I make it a habit to steer away from older, white jewish men in Brooklyn...who for the most part make half-ass racist comments and have bad attitudes. But one day I bumped into this guy and he turned out to be the coolest guy that I even met. We were talking about sports and he was explaining to me that back in the day, ball-players were getting paid $400-500,000 a year, and that is not money to sneeze on, but it doesn't compare to that 19 year old kid and his 28 million dollar contract. We agreed that major corporations are ruining things that once were fun back in the day. This is just another example, of how youth is driven into our skulls as a barometer of what we should aspire to be...

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:D u be preachin'......tell it!!

i'll be 38 on tuesday, and lemme tell y'all....the youth-oriented culture that's being shoved down all our throats sucks big time!

i was going through it a few nites ago....i was out dancing and having a good time when this voice popped into my head that said, "you're too old to be dancing with these young womyn....they won't be attracted to you....if your a lesbian over 35, you might as well get 4 cats....'cos you ain't gettin' no lovin' from nobody soon...."

it's quite sad, 'cos there are some absolutely beautiful "seasoned" womyn of color out here....

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Well i am 31 and i have just recently started dating a lass aged 18 :? i have always had a thing about age difference although she says it doesn't matter. At the beginning of our relationship i pushed her away stating that all i wanted was friendship but i knew i wanted more, i was using the age difference as an excuse not to be with her.I guess i felt that we wouldn't have anything in common although now that we have got together i find we have loads in common and i love her to bits. My other worry is that i have 2 kids my oldest being 11 :? and not that much younger than my g/f.This is when i start to wonder if it is the right thing to do in being with her ? Sometimes i feel she should be out there living it up not stuck with an older (not that i feel old lol ) woman and her kids.In truth i just dont know what to do for the best , i guess only time will tell.

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Well i am 31 and i have just recently started dating a lass aged 18 :? i have always had a thing about age difference although she says it doesn't matter.

blueyez, my last gf was 32 and we began dating when I was 18, so I'm kind of familiar with your situation. I think age does matter if you're not comfortable or have not experienced a situation like this before, but if there is no issue and you feel you can love the woman for who she is and not look at her age then you'll be okay.

At the beginning of our relationship i pushed her away stating that all i wanted was friendship but i knew i wanted more, i was using the age difference as an excuse not to be with her.I guess i felt that we wouldn't have anything in common although now that we have got together i find we have loads in common and i love her to bits.

It happens when you're unsure or have had a bad experience with a younger woman. Most people say that younger women are immature, dont know what they want, etc, etc. but for me I've been told that I am very mature for my age which made it easier for older women to communicate and hang out with me. But I'm glad you two have found a common ground :)

My other worry is that i have 2 kids my oldest being 11 :? and not that much younger than my g/f.This is when i start to wonder if it is the right thing to do in being with her ? Sometimes i feel she should be out there living it up not stuck with an older (not that i feel old lol ) woman and her kids.In truth i just dont know what to do for the best , i guess only time will tell.

I believe that if she wanted to be out there w/o you she would make it known but I think she wants to be with you. Go out with her, party it up, and have a good time. You're still young at heart :wink: and I'm sure you can party with the best of them. As far as the concern about your children as long as they respect her and respect who she is in your life you should not have a problem. It also may be helpful because they may feel comfortbable having her around and asking her advice b/c she's close to their age group. You never know it may work out for the entire family :)

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here's my take on older, wiser and younger. i retired early at 56 so I'm older. I was in a highly technical career field in the airline industry for 30 yrs and totally involved in all aspects of aviation for 40 yrs.

so now I'm retired and able to have an active social life. I've been looking for women my age, but alas they are not as physically active as i am.

and i'm not Martina by any means. i do like being outdoors hiking, biking even walking at a good clip. I'll admit i am a young looking, acting, thinking late 50's woman. i don't want to rob the cradle, but I would like to find someone who can talk technical, be able to hike, bike, or be active outdoors or at least keep up with me.

so i have had to rethink the age group that i fit into. it appears that 40-45 would be about right for activity, but they are usually working or looking for a settled relationship.

I don't want anything long term and like to get up and go 24/7 or when ever the mood strikes.

have any over 55 y.o.'s who are like me had this problem? what age group did you find best suited your needs?

don't mean to say most over 55's are sedate, but being outdoors is more than sitting in the backyard watching the grass grow.

I might be retired but i am not dead.

Also i relocated so all my friends are across the country and i'm trying to find new friends/lovers/buddies.

out in the woods

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I am 32 y/o and have dated younger women (around their early 20's or so). I am tired of that though, as I keep finding that most of the women I have dated because of lack of real world experience (time), have a hard time because of what it takes to be in a real relationship. I want someone who has the tools to be able to be able to consider a life partnership. Communication skills, for example, are vital. I also need someone that knows themselves well too. Not someone still unknown to themselves. I would rather now start dating someone older than me in hopes of finding that...

So I am peeking in here. :)

~ PetticoatLace

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Hi all,

I was googling "attracted to older women".. and came across a link to this page. I'm hoping that I get some feedback because I'm unable to talk to anyone about this since my family and friends are not aware that I am attracted to women, and I've never been in a relationship with a woman myself. I live in a society that is deeply entrenched in conservative values and taking that brave step to pursue a woman petrifies me. It doesn't help that I am painfully shy when it comes to such things.

At the moment I am frustrated and confused by my feelings for a woman who is much much older than I. I am in my late 20's and she will be 60 this year. She's very attractive to me, and looks much younger, so much so that when I found out her real age I was surprised. I've barely spoken a word to her, but I can't stop thinking about her. It's very surreal when we see each other, it's as if we both want to say something to the other but can't for obvious reasons and when she looks at me I get the whole "deer caught in the headlights" experience. I can't explain it but this is a connection I've felt with her since I was in my late teens but only now, a decade later, have these feelings for her resurfaced with a vengeance. I've always sensed her attraction to me and I'm sure it's blatantly obvious to her that I like her yet she has not approached me which probably means that she feels I'm much too young for her. I am a bit embarassed typing this because a part of me thinks it must be wrong to be so drawn to someone who is old enough to be one's mother, yet another part of me can't deny this attraction. She is not the first older woman I've found myself drawn to and I am worried that perhaps my serial attraction to much older women means that I have a mother complex, or I want to be nurtured or.................maybe it doesn't mean anything and I shouldn't stereotype ,,. I feel helpless to do anything about my feelings for her, can anyone relate?

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i think i can relate. i've been attracted to older women since i was probably like seven yrs. old. i've never been with a guy my own age, and most of my friends have been 10 yrs older. a few are 10 yrs younger too. there is nothing wrong with it. nothing at all. if two people can get together and create love in a world full of jerks, the only people who are gonna say anything are just jealous anyway. i have a daughter and it wouldn't stop me from dating an 18 yr old, if she was the right one. but this is probably because i've always felt older than everyone my age. and i feel really old now:) i like older people and i'm not ashamed. and if you like younger people you shouldn't feel any shame either. screw what people say, you aren't gonna live forever, you should make yourself happy!!

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I PREFER YOUNGER GIRL 18 TO LIKE 25 IM ALMOST 28 SO I CAN IMAGINE WHEN IM ALOT OLDER WHAT A PERV IM GONNA BE LMAO BUT I WOULD NEVER RULE OUT DATING SOMEONE OLDER THEM THO I TRY TO ALWAYS KEEP AN OPEN MIND

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Hi all,

I was googling "attracted to older women".. and came across a link to this page. I'm hoping that I get some feedback because I'm unable to talk to anyone about this since my family and friends are not aware that I am attracted to women, and I've never been in a relationship with a woman myself. I live in a society that is deeply entrenched in conservative values and taking that brave step to pursue a woman petrifies me. It doesn't help that I am painfully shy when it comes to such things.

At the moment I am frustrated and confused by my feelings for a woman who is much much older than I. I am in my late 20's and she will be 60 this year. She's very attractive to me, and looks much younger, so much so that when I found out her real age I was surprised. I've barely spoken a word to her, but I can't stop thinking about her. It's very surreal when we see each other, it's as if we both want to say something to the other but can't for obvious reasons and when she looks at me I get the whole "deer caught in the headlights" experience. I can't explain it but this is a connection I've felt with her since I was in my late teens but only now, a decade later, have these feelings for her resurfaced with a vengeance. I've always sensed her attraction to me and I'm sure it's blatantly obvious to her that I like her yet she has not approached me which probably means that she feels I'm much too young for her. I am a bit embarassed typing this because a part of me thinks it must be wrong to be so drawn to someone who is old enough to be one's mother, yet another part of me can't deny this attraction. She is not the first older woman I've found myself drawn to and I am worried that perhaps my serial attraction to much older women means that I have a mother complex, or I want to be nurtured or.................maybe it doesn't mean anything and I shouldn't stereotype ,,. I feel helpless to do anything about my feelings for her, can anyone relate?

I am almost speechless - every single thing that you wrote sounds like it was written by me - EVERYTHING. I completely understand. There are two women that I am drawn to that way right now. With one of them it is the exact same thing - I don't really talk to her much but it's like we have a connection or something, and it gets a little more intense each time - and it's like she wants to say someting but doesn't, and I want to but of course I clam up. And I also just found out that she is much older than I thought, probably mid fifties (I have nothing wrong with this, I usually like women this age) but I am just surprised, and I think she is so beautiful. I don't know what to do about it... I completely understand what you're saying though.

I don't know if it's a mother-complex thing. Perhaps we are just attracted to the maturity that comes with age. That's what I think is a possibility.

It's really hard though, since there are so many reasons why people may think it is wrong, or why neither of us (or you two) would say anything. It's hard... but atleast now I know there's something else who understands!

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This topic has been an interesting read for me. I'm casually dating someone 10 years my junior..I'm 33, she's 23. I've known her for almost 5 years but we only began an intimate relationship late last year. I have to say dating someone younger has been a great experience for me. But I think it depends on the person. She's a bit wild and as she should be, she's young and wants to be free to do what she wants. I have the same outlook as far as not wanting to be in a committed relationship at this time either...she's brought out the adventurer in me. 5-7 years from now, she's going to make someone a wonderful wife. It could be me or not, but I just hope to still know her then.

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Hi everyone,

My own experience tells me that: 1. I'm attracted to older women and 2. It can definitely work.

My first, lesbian relationship started when I was 20 and she was 48. That one lasted 3 years. My most recently relationship started when I was 23 and she was 41. We were together for 7 years. Now, at 30, I'm definitely more interested/attracted to women in their 40s. Now, I'm not saying that if someone came along who wasn't in their 40s that I wouldn't be attracted to them, but my eye goes to women in that age group, for whatever reason.

But the relationships, despite the age differences, can work provided that both women are comfortable with it. If one of them isn't, then it won't work because somehow the age difference will always be seen as the reason for strife. Not that it necessarily IS, but it will be seen that way.

Lisa

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I never did find someone who thought like me. I want forever or nothing at all.. i am not into pain from hurting from a breakup..

yes i know many are into relationships and they don't care how long they last..

not me when i am in one its all the way or no way.......

So this topic may not be my cup of tea but age doesn't matter..

personally i like older wiser women who want the same and are not still acting like 20 yr olds..

:):P

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:wink: WELL... I'm one of those "older" womyn (60's) and all I can say is I've been with younger and older womyn and it really just depends on how well you communicate! In 1997 I was in a relationship that lasted for 5 years with a womyn who was 20 years younger than I but had an "old soul". She thought as I did, was not clingy, did NOT view me as a mother figure, enjoyed the same music, interests, adventures, and friends that I did. Those were the keys to the success of the relationship. It ended only in her death and I have not one regret. I'm sure there were whisperings about our age difference but those things never meant much to me. My bottom lines are: Do we get along? Am I comfortable in this relationship? Are all my needs being met? And, yes, it's about me... I take care of myself in a relationship and in so doing take care of my partner. If I like myself, I can give my all to another. I don't think age is a limiting factor in a relationship but I DO think it takes very special people to make it work. :wink:

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Well, I will be 20 this year, and I have just gotten out of a relationship with a woman who is 19 years older than me, and when she was my age, she married someone 25 years older. Frankly, to me, it doesn't make a bit of difference, how old someone is chronologically. I've always been attracted to older women, not because of their age, but because (for the most parts; I'm not saying all of them) aren't acting like idiots. I'm not saying that all young people are morons, either (geez, it is so hard to be P.C. these days!), but IN MY EXPERIENCE, that has been the case when dating within my age group. Granted, there are certain issues one would have to deal with that others who are in relationship with people closer to their age don't have to deal with. For instance, I was...how do I put this delicately?...very interested in sex (i.e. horny all the time :oops: ), while she required a bit more coaxing. There were some underlying issues going on too, but I'd rather not get into that. There was also the issue of my family, particularly my mother who felt that she was taking advantage of me.

My point is...well, I don't know, really. I guess just go with the flow. It's all a matter of what you and she can deal with.

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Im 18. The first woman I really liked and wanted a relationship was 27 years old. We were ten years apart and had a fling for a while but she ended up not being able to get over the age difference. Now...she cant even talk to me because she wants to get rid of the feelings so she doesnt continue to hurt me. We havent spoken in months. Now, I have been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for a year and she is 23 years old. Still 5 years older. I couldnt see myself dating anybody younger than me, or my age. I love women as much as 10 years older than me. No idea why...I think its possibly because Im more submissive and like women who take control. Hmm..something to think about I suppose.

Much love

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