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older/younger relationships

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I've been an out lesbian since the tender age of 15, I'm now 45. During the first decade my attraction leaned toward older women. During the second decade my attraction leaned toward women my own age. Now, my inclination is toward women in the 21-30 range. Despite the social stigma and teasing I've encountered, I've had successful and meaningful relationships with women 20 years my junior.

I'm curious to hear from others on this subject, your experiences, attitudes, etc.
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Well, it looks like this was posted quite a while ago, but since no one else replied I'll reply anyway. I'd be curious to hear why you're inclined toward women so much younger than yourself. There's a whole host of jokes about heterosexual men and younger women, their mid-life crises, etc., but I think this is actually the first time I've heard something like this about a lesbian. What is it about the younger women? Do you think women your age aren't energetic enough? Are you not able to find women your age attractive? (because that might be perceived as immature or self-hating) Do you like to be in charge of everything, and find that's easier with a much younger woman?

Personally . . . while I couldn't date anyone 20 years younger (because that person would be a child) I still couldn't see myself dating anyone more than 10 years younger. I value life-earned intelligence and experience in a partner, and that is something younger women won't have to the same degree someone that's 45 will (or at least, should).


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Im 45 and find myself romantically attracted to women who are older than I am but physically more attracted to younger women. I really think it doesnt matter and I think alot of lesbians have thought more deeply about their sexuality than the average hetero female and deeper thinking /emoting tends to transcend the age gaps a little more. Maybe ...Idon know :?:


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HI, I am new to the boards and though some of the topics seem to be a bit dated but I will respond anyway.
I have been in several LTR and all my GF's have been older than I. My last parter was 10 years older and my current GF is 6 years older. I am 40...hence Missy40. I don't know what attracts me to older women, I guess the fact that they for the most part are more mature and comfortable with themselves. I briefly dated someone several years younger and it didn't work out, she was clingy and did the "I LOVE YOU" bit after making love for the first time.
I can appreciate a younger, firmer, carefree woman, but honestly....I'll take my partner anyday over someone younger. Just my thought on the topic, anyone else?


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Im 22 and I think i'd prefer to be with someone whos at least had 4 years on me perferably 9 to 10. I just find that the women my age are not as mature and some are not even sure of themselves sexuality wise (they tend to hop around sometimes). To me there is just something more attractive to have an older woman on my side (makes me feel even more proud of the relationship). One reason is because of the domination issue. Personally I think everything should be 50 50 but as far as passion I feel older women are more experianced. I think alot of older women are more experianced in general areas of life. Even as a 22 year old I know Im still going through my learning process. Its changes every year but I still think we live into our adolesence at least til 25 at the most 27, maximum 29. I agree older women are wiser.

Ray Gay :D

ps: beauity comes with age


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Hey Ladies, I am probably one of the rare young women who loves being in a relationship with an older woman. I have been in two long term relationships with older women (when I was 16 my girlfriend was 29, when I was 18 my girlfriend was 33, I am now 20 yrs old) and I must admit it was a relief being with someone who didn't act like they needed a babysitter 24/7, as many women in my age group do. I see nothing wrong with dating older women and I actually encourage mature women in my age group to seek out relationships with older women instead of wasting their time with immature babies. And to the older women YOU ARE WANTED :wink: so continue to make this world, and young women like me who love you, a happier place :D


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I agree with the above post. My first (and only relationship at this point) started when I was 17 and she was 28. Now I'm 19 and she's 30. The only reason we are not together anymore is because I moved 3000 miles away. Age came up several times when we were together but it was more of a joking type thing. I've always been more mature than my peers so it just seemed so natural to be in a relationship with someone older. Plus, I like being taught things :wink: I also remember always being attracted to older women and I'm sure I will continue being attracted to older women. I might actually get that from my mom. My mom was 26 years younger than my dad. Hey, at least she can't say anything to me about my relationships.
May women rule the world. - Kurt Cobain


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Mortalum, your situation sounds like mine. Jane and I broke up because she decided to go into the Army, but we're still friends, and Kate and I broke up because she was asked to head up her company's new office in Miami, Florida. That relationship ended after Valentines Day and I have been since ever since :cry: When I tried to form meaningful relationships with girls in our age group a lot of them don't have their shit together. Like I know what I want out of life and I am in the process of getting there, too many girls are unfocused, have children (I love kids I don't need them until I can take care of them) and have no direction what so ever. That irks me and is the reason why I am very wary of younger women and extremely open to dating older women. It's a proven mechanism that works :D
Sometimes you stand on the edge of a cliff and you jump. You jump because you're tired of being scared. Sometimes you jump just to feel the fall


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my most recent gf was all of.... 22 years old (i'm 37), my first gf was a year younger than me.....so i'm all over the place....i primarily tend to be attracted to the spirit and not the age (tho' i would like them to be of legal age....as it helps to avoid legal entanglements)
"Don't compromise yourself, you're all you've got..." - Janis Joplin


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I think this is the hardest thing to deal with. Even though we are lesbian womyn, some of us are still influenced by what the world says is beautiful. Youth is another avenue that mega producers and american media use to perpetuate more insecurities in womyn...now in this day and age you have 25 year olds feeling old because they are not rich and benefitiing from shit like american capitalism which starts each rich child where it's parents left off..

This is one topic that annoys the shit out of me, because as I enter grad school, I feel like shit somedays because I'm broke, and that stupid bitch A.simpson is making more money than what some small countries make in a year

I personally adore older womyn, and that was something that I had to train myself to do. I also had to train myself to appreciate the beauty of older womyn of color, because eventually I will be one and I want to embrace that and not become bitter against other womyn, who are younger than me..capitalism and imperialism and sexism has contributed to alot of the negative ideologies that we take in.

For instance I was talking to this older jewish man the other day and it was totally an accident, because I make it a habit to steer away from older, white jewish men in Brooklyn...who for the most part make half-ass racist comments and have bad attitudes. But one day I bumped into this guy and he turned out to be the coolest guy that I even met. We were talking about sports and he was explaining to me that back in the day, ball-players were getting paid $400-500,000 a year, and that is not money to sneeze on, but it doesn't compare to that 19 year old kid and his 28 million dollar contract. We agreed that major corporations are ruining things that once were fun back in the day. This is just another example, of how youth is driven into our skulls as a barometer of what we should aspire to be...

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