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older/younger relationships

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Hi everyone,

My own experience tells me that: 1. I'm attracted to older women and 2. It can definitely work.

My first, lesbian relationship started when I was 20 and she was 48. That one lasted 3 years. My most recently relationship started when I was 23 and she was 41. We were together for 7 years. Now, at 30, I'm definitely more interested/attracted to women in their 40s. Now, I'm not saying that if someone came along who wasn't in their 40s that I wouldn't be attracted to them, but my eye goes to women in that age group, for whatever reason.

But the relationships, despite the age differences, can work provided that both women are comfortable with it. If one of them isn't, then it won't work because somehow the age difference will always be seen as the reason for strife. Not that it necessarily IS, but it will be seen that way.


Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.

~ Bernadette Devlin



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I never did find someone who thought like me. I want forever or nothing at all.. i am not into pain from hurting from a breakup..

yes i know many are into relationships and they don't care how long they last..

not me when i am in one its all the way or no way.......

So this topic may not be my cup of tea but age doesn't matter..

personally i like older wiser women who want the same and are not still acting like 20 yr olds..

:) :P


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:wink: WELL... I'm one of those "older" womyn (60's) and all I can say is I've been with younger and older womyn and it really just depends on how well you communicate! In 1997 I was in a relationship that lasted for 5 years with a womyn who was 20 years younger than I but had an "old soul". She thought as I did, was not clingy, did NOT view me as a mother figure, enjoyed the same music, interests, adventures, and friends that I did. Those were the keys to the success of the relationship. It ended only in her death and I have not one regret. I'm sure there were whisperings about our age difference but those things never meant much to me. My bottom lines are: Do we get along? Am I comfortable in this relationship? Are all my needs being met? And, yes, it's about me... I take care of myself in a relationship and in so doing take care of my partner. If I like myself, I can give my all to another. I don't think age is a limiting factor in a relationship but I DO think it takes very special people to make it work. :wink:
Sometimes it's better to apologize than to ask permission...
Grace Hooper, Adm. USN (Retired)


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Well, I will be 20 this year, and I have just gotten out of a relationship with a woman who is 19 years older than me, and when she was my age, she married someone 25 years older. Frankly, to me, it doesn't make a bit of difference, how old someone is chronologically. I've always been attracted to older women, not because of their age, but because (for the most parts; I'm not saying all of them) aren't acting like idiots. I'm not saying that all young people are morons, either (geez, it is so hard to be P.C. these days!), but IN MY EXPERIENCE, that has been the case when dating within my age group. Granted, there are certain issues one would have to deal with that others who are in relationship with people closer to their age don't have to deal with. For instance, I was...how do I put this delicately?...very interested in sex (i.e. horny all the time :oops: ), while she required a bit more coaxing. There were some underlying issues going on too, but I'd rather not get into that. There was also the issue of my family, particularly my mother who felt that she was taking advantage of me.

My point is...well, I don't know, really. I guess just go with the flow. It's all a matter of what you and she can deal with.


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Im 18. The first woman I really liked and wanted a relationship was 27 years old. We were ten years apart and had a fling for a while but she ended up not being able to get over the age difference. Now...she cant even talk to me because she wants to get rid of the feelings so she doesnt continue to hurt me. We havent spoken in months. Now, I have been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for a year and she is 23 years old. Still 5 years older. I couldnt see myself dating anybody younger than me, or my age. I love women as much as 10 years older than me. No idea why...I think its possibly because Im more submissive and like women who take control. Hmm..something to think about I suppose.
Much love


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Lilly, I partially agree with you. I don't know if it's the "in charge" factor, but I do know that women my age are not in fact women at all. It seems they're still trying to find themselves, not to mention a bit immature for me. I've never felt my age, always older. Right now, I'm almost 21 and I have a huge crush on a woman that is 38. That's the oldest I've ever gone. We have a special bond, even though we can't be together, since she's married.

I've never been much for someone who has a young soul.
It's just always hard to find someone that doesn't look at me and thing I'm just a baby. It's infinitely frustrating.
"Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's swept away". -Sarah Kay


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When I was in my 20s, I was attracted to women in their 20s, but as I've aged (36 now) my tastes have "aged" as well. I just generally prefer women approximately my age.

Edited by michelle36, 26 June 2012 - 11:53 PM.


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I'd have to say that I've always been attracted to younger women. After reading through this, & similar other forums, the consensus seems to be that we relate along an intellectual/spiritual line & thus the age part doesn't initially factor in? However, reality will eventually pop up with regards to a much-older partner as they age & go into their late years- having the other become a carer. No, not always the end result, but mainly would be. It's something to consider if entering into a LTR with anyone who is much older.

I personally feel like we reach a point in our lives where "that age" is our age forever (in our head). I've always felt like I was somewhere around 18-25. Even now. I have to wonder if that's why I am attracted as I am? My last GF was half my age. The break-up was not an age-related issue, but if I were to be honest, I can say I believe we would have run into some trouble down the road. I mean yes, you can have things in common- but you don't share a "history"- and I find that becomes more important the older you become.


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I have mixed feelings about this issue. Having done this new internet dating thing for a while now there has been a few occassions when some woman 15-20 years my junior has wanted to persue a relationship and I couldn't go there. I projected into the future when I was 65-70 and had my knee replacement surgeries and was working on the hips wondering what life would be like for this woman and our relationship. There is that part of me that thinks it probably has a shelf life that ends before I do and Damn but, I am looking for a partner for the rest of my life.
It is true the Mother Earth Hippie image I grew to appreciate, back in the day as we were beginning this journey with Holly,Cris,Meg,Linda Tillery and so many more, has been transferred into the tight buns and physical fit woman image of today. There is this Stepford feel to it sometimes. But, my knees are gone and the women around me are looking for hiking,kayaking,mountain biking and sky diving partners. What? They are gorgeous, intelligent and spiritual. Damn! I just want someone to garden with and make love to after hot tubbing and giving or getting a massage, enjoying a glass of wine and comfortable, open conversation. LOL
I don't know the exact formula that attracts me to someone, anymore. As a college athlete it was other athletic women. Some were big and beautiful and others in the medium range. We had things in common so, that's part of the attraction. Has age made it more difficult from back then or have the times changed the formulas?


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I have always been attracted to older women. I have dated and had relationships with women my age or younger. I figured after you hit your 40's "older" is pretty much neglegible. It's the mindset from that point.

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