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"Check-In" from the Fat or Size-Positive Lesbians

61 posts in this topic

Pleeeeeze???

I'll be the first to raise my hand!!! :roll:

*sigh*

I'm asking 'cos I would really like to know if we are just as bad as the hets when it comes to rediculing and ostracizing those who are not athletic or model-babe types....

Why or why not???

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I'm definatly not a small girl and I'm attracted to women of all sizes. My first girlfriend and the girl I'm talking to now are both bigger but I'm past seeing size. I'd like to know what some of the smaller girls think about the bigger girls too.

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I am attracted to all sizes of woman,for me it's not what you see on the outside but more of what she is like on the inside,if she makes me happy then i don't care what size she is.I am what ppl say an "average" size(whatever that is ?)but i would hope someone wouldn't just pass me over if i was either too small or too large for them but let themselves get to know the real me.

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I am not into stick thin women, and for me anyone below a size 8/10 is too thin. I like a woman with some kind of weight on her besides that adds that special something to the beautiful sensual curves of a woman's body. I think women who only want to date stick figures have fallen into that hetero male mentality that thin is sexy, but to me thin women aren't attractive. How can you be attracted to someone who looks like a jewelry draped skeleton? :roll:

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for your thoughtful replies....

y'know, i hate to say this but it seems that lesbians/bi-womyn can be just as judgemental/body phobic as straight men when it comes to women....

ugh....perhaps i should forget about being with another womon (tho' i love 'em and are fiercely attracted to 'em)....i truly miss being intimate (not just sexual)...cuddlin', kissin' and such....

i hate the thought of dating a... man...*shudder*....even worse, the sexual part....'cos, sooner or later, that's what it all comes down to....

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You know, I'll admit it...I used to be very superficial about women's bodies and if they didn't fit this perfect stereotype in my head then I would dismiss them. If you didn't look like Angelina Jolie then that was it! You know...thin, dark haired, you're basic freaking nightmare! LOL

Then I met Michelle. She was a tall blonde with a very "Mother Earth" figure. Vuloptuous all around. And let me tell you, I loved her soft curves. After years of only being with thin women and the like it was nice to curl up next to someone who's bones didn't stab you. We were together for five years. Now because of her I wouldn't judge somebody by their physical appearance. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever known, even if initially she wasn't what I "thought" was my ideal.

PS Angelina, if you're reading this, I still love you baby! Haha!

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BauboBBW, you're right about lesbian/bi women being just as immersed in this "thin is in" epidemic as hetero men, sometimes even more. I guess people get this image of this perfect person in their head or a movie star/model image that they want their potential mates to be and if you don't fit the mold, even though you are a good person who has their shit together, they will overlook you. It's a shame that there are shallow and superficial people out there, but I still like to believe that there are still sane, sensible, and together people like you out there.

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i have to say that from the first girl that i was attracted to, i liked larger women. i love the softness of the skin and the warmth of the touch.

that said, the most beautiful thing about a woman is confidence, in herself and the way she looks. whether she's a size 2 or 22, the glow of self-confidence attracts me more than anything else.

oh yeah, i'm a boob woman... if i'm just looking to be oggling, i love a nice rack.

but without personality and confidence, the best boobs in the world are just decoration.

that's my biased opinion. what's yours?

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thanx..... :mrgreen:

i gotta keep on pushin'.....i'll find her eventually....and, in the meantime, hopefully i can find some friends to make this journey called life a little easier....

:mrgreen:

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For me, it isn't looks, exactly. I think many place too much emphasis on them. In many instances, looks are, however, what first attracts me. But, if there is no personality there that I can deal with, then she's like waxed fruit; nice to look at, but useless for anything else, lol.

I have become attracted to, and involved with, women whom

I initially thought were unattractive. Because I was able to hang out with them long enough, I got to know their personality. If the personality clicked, then I started to find them more and more attractive. If I ended up dating someone whom I first thought was not too good looking, she ended up being beautiful to me.

If I could build my own woman, she would be shorter than me (I'm 5'5"); weight proprtional to height (I have been with heavy women and love it); both pretty and cute at the same time; short, dark hair; and younger (mid twenties, or so). She would be intelligent, have a good sense of humor, be funny, be loving and romantic, and be open-minded. She would be stable and know what she wanted out of live. OK, now that I've described her, you know anyone who fits that description? LOL

We can say what we want about gay women and hetero males, but let's not forget that straight women and gay men do the same thing. A lot of gay men in my area like what they refer to as twinky boys. They are slender, young guys who are cutesy. If a guy is large, he doesn't have much of a chance around here. I also have listened to straight females say they would not go out with guys who are large, have acne, or just don't look a certain way. I do, however, think women are a little less judgemental than men.

I don't tend to care much for scrawny women or those who are 500lbs or so, but larger is nice and soft (I'm no stick myself). I am like you, AmiDenise, in that I also like boobs. I like small to medium boobs (I have large ones and don't need another pair flopping around in my face, lol).

There are some anthropologists (there I go with the anthros again. I have a BA in anthro) who believe that looks used to play an important roll for humans. They do with other animals. You would not want to mate with another one of your kind if that one had undesireable traits, like being small or not having certain colors, etc. Mating with the big, strong ones gives your genes a better chance of surviving. Even though we like to think we are beyond all that, it has not evolved out of us yet. Each of us has our own idea of what looks acceptable for us to mate with. Even if we know it does not matter (with modern technology, we can overcome a lot), or if we don't plan on passing on our genes, or can't (being gay), it is still programmed into our natures.

Many of us try to not be bothered with it (I try as much as I can), but we all have met with someone who, despite being wonderful, is so ugly we just can't get by it. I had a friend in college who happens to be the nicest person. She is intelligent and a lot of fun. Personality-wise, she is a great catch. She is soooo unattractive, I could never see myself with her. Even I can't get by it totally.

Yeah, I did say we place too much on looks then said it's in our nature to do so. But I believe many of us can get by this by realizing why we do what we do and trying to change it (if possible). For some people, it may not be possible.

Maybe some of us have evolved more than others.

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I am a big women. I always have been and always will be. For me I dont have a specific type... I mean I have preferances but nothing is written in stone. The wimin I date vary in size and style. One womyn was my size only shorter ( I am 5'7'') and had long straight hair, another was about 5'1'' and probably 100 lbs soaking wet, but she had tattoes all over and a shaved head. Another one was taller then me and pretty muscular...

I just wish more ppl were open minded, it would make this tuff lonely road more manageble.

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i'm a big girl.

i wasn't always as big, i was a size 11 just a few years ago, but i dated a man who was... just about the shallowest person i've ever met, and he overfed me so i'd get fat and "other guys wouldn't want me". man did that backfire, when i dumped him ALL his friends asked me out....

but anyway.

i'm now a size 16. not that big, but bigger than is "socially acceptable". i don't enjoy it, particularily because of my ridiculously large breasts. it's darned hard on my back, and i don't think it looks that nice. however i've accepted it, and i like myself better now than i EVER did before. mostly because of who i'm dating now, and my friends now.

in terms of attraction:

i like girls with some curve. superskinny looks... unhealthy, like you touch them and they break. however, personality far overrides physical looks.

-Becca

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I used to have the same problem you have with your back hurting from large breast. My problem began when I was in HS and my pediatrician told me I could have breast reduction surgery but I had to wait until I was 18. So I waited and found the perfect plastic surgeon and during my winter break of 2002 I had my surgery and everything went well. My scars have vanished and he gave me the perfect cup size. My surgeon told me that he usually charges $2500 for the surgery but since I had back problems my insurance covered 100%. Maybe thats something you should look into, it will help and in the long run you will be grateful you did so.

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ummm why is everyone so prejudice against the thin people who live healthy lifestyles and exersise? thats not fair. I'm a size 5 because I eat healthy and I exercise regularly. I do not do it because the media says so, I do it for myself to be healthy. I can't understand why people want to destroy their bodies and shorten their life span by eating things like McDonalds 5-7 days a week.

Now hold on Before anyone Spazzes at me for being "shallow" I was overweight before, My father had a heart attack because of his lazy lifestyle and eating habits. Sure I have overweight friends, because if I wasn't shallow then they wouldn't be my friends. But considering allot of a relationship has to do with what you and your partner value and what kinds of interests you have, then I need to be with someone who is going to share my values. I'm not butch but I love exercise such as swimming running and walking my dog. Skiing is fun too. I love to travel and walk around museums and foreign cities. I need someone who will be able to keep up with me. Someone who can have as much of a good time as I do doing the things we love.

I find that people cast off others as being shallow without even knowing them, either through jealousy or bad past experiences. Which is very unfair. For example there was a girl I knew who I thought was nice but she thought I might be shallow because my friends were "typical beautiful people". she was scared to hang out with us because she felt that she might not be accepted because of her weight, however they proved her wrong quite quickly. after the ice was broken she started to spend allot more time with us doing allot of the things we do and thus lost weight. it was not her intention to loose weight to "fit in" it happened because her lifestyle changed into one more like ours with more trips to the pool and the track. she gained no vanity did not become shallow at least to my knowledge.

So what I'm trying to say is it's not fair to bash or hate on people just because they decide to live a different lifestyle then yours and reap certain rewards because of their choices and or actions. I mean we are already victims of prejudice because of our sexuality, so why must it continue in our community.

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I'm not exactly what you would call 'thin' but i'm not exactly overweight either so i'm sort of inbetween. I'm trying to lose weight though for health purposes cause my mom is overweight and has diabetes and i am very susceptible to that myself if i don't lose weight and start changing my eating habits now.

But i don't have any prejudism at all. I like women all shapes and sizes, it just depends on the soul of the person to me.

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i myself am not small, and i like women who have curves- all those skeleton models and actresses need to be taken into a krispy kreme

i basically apply the same rule to myself as i do to others: if you eat well and try to work out, you'll be okay. :D

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I'm short 'n buxom. :lol:

The only approval of our sizes we should be more concerned with is our own. I personally find several different body shapes of varying weight attractive. How people carry themselves matters a lot in my opinion.

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thanx for your replies, as i haven't logged in for awhile and was pleased to see the various comments upon returning.... :D

uh....just because someone is large (whatever your definition of large is), does not mean that they don't enjoy a "healthy lifestyle".... :roll:

i'm sorry to hear of your father's passing, but not everyone is lazy or has bad eating habits (your words, not mine)...i will agree that the double arches = death on a plate (or in a wrapper)...who knows where that crap comes from anyway....

i happen to be a vegetarian and i do enjoy yoga, pilates and tribal bellydancing classes on a weekly basis....so to automatically assume that a large person may not enjoy or does not enjoy being active is just following along with the commonplace stereotype about fat/overweight/ plus-size/large individuals....in fact, i know so-called "skinny" people who are complete couch-potatoes...

...and lots of times, large people who want to "get fit" feel intimidated or become easily discouraged when entering a gym or attempting any possibly public display (jogging, power walking, etc.) of excercise/activity due to public criticism and/or lambasting.

i also like museums, cultural street festivals and just generally wandering around my city (or another)....all of which include a good amount of what? walking.....that's what..... :wink:

and, no Versace_Raver, i am not spazzing on you....

BTW, what do you mean by "reap certain rewards"... from what? looking a certain way or participating in sports or sports-like activities? both have "certain rewards" that come with the dinner y'know.... 8)

i personally say, more power to ya....i'm not bashing on or "hating" on anyone who is sporty or enjoys participating in sporty-type stuff, just trying to put my finger on the pulse of this particular community. :)

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HEY ALL! I MYSELF AM THICK I LIKE ALL THE LADIES UNLESS U HAVE A HORRID ATTITUDE THEN U CAN PACK UR SHIT AND LEAVE I DO HAVE PREFRENCES THO I'M NOT INTO STICK FIGURE GIRL'S BUT WOULD NEVER RULE THEM OUT CAUSE I'M NOT CLOSE MINDED AND AM OPEN FOR ANYTHING WITH A WOMAN

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My last girlfriend was really overweight--as in, to the point it audibly strained her breathing--and I'll admit, I didn't find that overweight to be attractive. I did not, however, find it genuinely repulsive... Indeed, I found her to be an excellent kisser.

On the other end of the stick (no pun intended), I don't really like stick figures, either. Real women have curves. Granted, like all things, there's eventually a point at which too much is unattractive (and just plain not healthy). But I'd rather have a woman with some meat on her bones. I really, really don't appreciate this hatred of body fat going around. 14-21% of one's weight being body fat is healthy.

I'm big in ways that don't have anything to do with body fat--specifically, while I weigh around 260 pounds now, my dietician actually estimated that my healthy weight would be between 200 and 225 pounds. I'm only six feet tall, and she wasn't using male standards or anything--that's just my frame. Chances are, I'm always going to be wearing size 16, 18, 20 clothes just because of my skeleton.

I'm still losing weight. To be truthful, I don't like being overweight, and I know it isn't healthy. Some six or eight months ago, I weighed 310 pounds, and I felt it. Since slimming down, it's gotten so much easier even to move (oh my god, I can kick! I can RUN!). Not to mention what it's sparing me in medical risks, especially given I'm taking estrogen (being trans and all). I even feel more attractive. But I don't have any desire to be underweight--I just want to shake the spare tire, the love handles, you know. :)

So no. I don't think women with bodies of a healthy weight are unattractive. In fact, I like my women chunky! Give her some bigger bones, some more muscle, and some healthy body fat (or, perhaps, even a little more than she really ought to have). Being too overweight, however, I do find unattractive--and I do find being underweight unattractive, as well. Doesn't mean I couldn't overlook a woman being more to one direction than I'd like, if I liked her otherwise, but I can't claim to be above valuing appearance--that, and being overweight/underweight is unhealthy in ways other than one's dating prospects.

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To be honest, I have only had one girlfriend and she was tiny (size 0) and I used to say ew gross when I saw women that small, and now, I don't think that.

I'm attracted to all sizes and body types, it's really personality that attracts me. Someone who is fun, and knows who she is, and is comfortable is much more beautiful than any body type. Confidence is what I look for.

Though, I am not small, and am a little overweight, so I am paranoid that others will shut me down just for that reason. I would hope that wouldn't happen, but people can be looks oriented.

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Hello Everyone,

I am new to this board and I thought this was a great discussion. I have been a big girl since about 2 years after coming out and while I have lost a lot of weight since my all-time high of 310, I still find myself "feeling" like I am that big. I was with one girl for 8 years and I have dated on and off for a couple of years since then, but nothing serious.

I have definately encountered issues because of my size but I figure that comes with the territory of dating no matter what. I think the only thing that I can do is be confident in who I am and the fact that I am a great woman! :D

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You are so right Mercury, about being confident. Someone will like you for you, and that's all you can hope for. I know I cross my fingers for that :)

Plus, confidence is sexy.

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Phoenix,

I agree that confidence is sexy...which is why I try to have it! I dont always succeed. I think the bottom line is that if you dont find yourself beautiful and worthy of love then how can you expect your girlfriend to? And besides that, there is no reason to "settle" for someone who you may not find attractive or whatever just because they dont mind your size...I've known quite a few heavy women who think and act this way...most of them are straight though. Its like they are grateful that ANY man will show them love, no matter if he is a total jerk or whatever.

Not me...I fully expect a great, sarcastic, funny, sweet, caring and beautiful woman to sweep me off my feet one of these days. 8)

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I found most lesbians( espesially butch girls) like a little fluff on a chick. When I first came out in the 80's what a blast it was to be away from men and their expectations. I think we are much more accepting. I use that as a recruitment point when talking to potential femme lesbians. There are some really miserable femmes trying to date men...yuck . Poor babys may never have an orgasm :wink:

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