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Is there any hope for a pretty transitioning M to F here?

ORRRRRR......do I have to wait till it's a done deal and then not say anything about it until we gert to know each other which would probably be a big surprise by then?

Sherry

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hey sweetie! well kodos for your strength and as far as telling.... I personally would want to know, as i think every woman would want to know about the person they are with, so go on and be up front if they freak then its not meant to be... if they're understanding, as I am, then they will be there... support you and hopfully everything will work out! Good luck girl!

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I cannot believe that it took me so long to figure out what was wrong about my life. It was really overcoming lack of education on transgendering. As soon as I realized the possibility my life took off like the"big bang" of the expanding universe. I belong the the Mid Hudson Valley Transgender Association, go to therapy, electrolysis 6 hours a week and am on hormones a year and a half. I am a new human being in so many ways. My surgeries in Thailand cannot come soon enough for me. I know that I am still in an awkward position of sort of being a "neither nor" but I am still reaching out to the woman I have always loved but finaly as the woman that has always been in me.

Sherry

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I truly wish you the best of luck.

and if you figure out how to get people to stay after some form of "hi, i'm a pre-op transchick... but wait, don't go! i'm hot! look at the rest of me!", please let me know.

(not that i'm bitter or anything, not that i'm waiting to hear back from a date I really liked on his reaction to the above.)

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Thank you for your feed back. I of course know exactly know what you are saying. the concept of TG is frought with confusion, prejudice and worse. Being a "chick with a dick" or worse a "shemale" is such a no no in "respectable society unless you are just after cheap sex and then Bye, Bye which is not "respectable at all. For some "pre op" is a choice and for others a financial neccesety. I know one pre op who just married a GG and wants to be post op but she says that is her "play thing" and is opposed to the operation ( she did pay for her fabulous boob job which she thoroughly enjoys). And she is a really hot pre op. So finding just what you want in your significant other is not easy in any form of TG. Just finding a perfect match as a lesbian is harder than a straight couple. Personally at this point I look for things in common as a lesbian seeking the same and then if anything at all develops, the next hurdle is revealing my transitioning gender. So far I have only had one woman still interested in taking the next step of getting to know me better. So I do most certainly feel for you and wish you well. You are very pretty as I believe I am also. I still need to shrink my picture down small enough to be accepted as my Avatar. Stay in touch. This site is nice in some ways but so fragmented in others.

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As for me, I am most definitely not opposed to a relationship with an MTF pre or post-op. Of course, they would have to be alright with being with an FTM hehe.

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As for me, I am most definitely not opposed to a relationship with an MTF pre or post-op. Of course, they would have to be alright with being with an FTM hehe.

now this might just be me, but that sounds somewhat like an ideal relationship. bizarrely straight yet queer at the same time, with no worries about trans issues getting misunderstood or ignored.

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I very much agree tangel.

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I like this dialogue. In my mind it was simple. Become a woman and find the woman of my dreams and live happily ever after. In reality becoming a woman is a challenge all on its own. I am still both sired and ma'med. I so hope that will all change with the surgeries that are coming this spring. They will include FFS, BA and GRS. I have already seen the "virtual surgery" pictures of my face that are thrilling even if the actuality is close to the virtuals done on computer. After that I hope that being TG will recede as an issue if I present well with women. I will not make it a secret but will not begin a relationship there as well. The person that I ultimately seek as my SO need not really fall into a "category" but I am looking for the softness, gentleness, compassionetness, etc. that is most often found in women. If I find the chemistry that I crave, then the "form" that that takes may be adaptable in my mind as a concept. I need to first be all that I am myself and hope that the rest will fall into place when I seek a partner.

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I too would have no problems at all dating a transexual either post or pre op or even if she were not ever planning on surgery.

I would understand if disclosure were not immediate but I would prefer disclosure pretty early on so that I wouldn't worry about the person's basic level of honesty.

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Greetings all. I've been reading the posts here with interest and want to throw my four pennorth into the conversation. Like so many of us girls, I knew from the age of 3 that something was wrong with my mortal 'set-up' and by 5 I had already drawn down the shutters on my curiosity and kept my mouth firmly shut around the family. As the 60s arrived I had started to discover snippets of information in the media about trans-people tho' it was mostly sensational red-top tabloid journalism aimed at selling scurrilous stories to unenlightened masses rather than intelligent reportage.

It began witha name, so simple a slip

by a teacher unversed in the 'Bi' or the 'hip'

That was still buried in future and tense

wasn't part of my make-up until some years hence

For I'm not what I seemed in those halcyon days

when Bowie and Bolan joined hands with 'the gays'

But it started and grew, festered perhaps?

I wouldn't say that, though you might eh chaps??

Long before then I had found something more

to my secret delight and I had to know more

But the anguish, the sweat, the fear of my 'crime'

the dream of sweet essence to mingle with mine.

So I watched and I listened and played with the girls,

who thought I was funny but envied my curls...

then grey flannel trousers and football boots called

and grammar school gangs didn't help me at all.

For 600 boys, not a girlfriend in sight,

left me tongue-tied and smooth-thighed - I longed for the night.

As I lay in my bed in my androgyne reverie

legs tightly closed I relied on my memory

to conjure up games and recall conversations

with girls I admired who still had no notion

of why I delighted in combing their hair

and hugging their legs, so deliciously bare.

So the years have amassed and the tension has run

through my life till I screamed, no more would I shun

the emotion, the longing, the need to remake

my life as it had been, for so long a fake.

So I live as I want now, I began to evolve

thru' the puzzle of gender which finally I solved.

It took 45 years, a marriage, a few more relationships and 6 step -kids to convince me that I owed myself a life of truth. Yes I came close to suicide a few times and the epiphany was realising that I was loved and appreciated by many and that I was running away from myself rather than the fear of being ostracised. How many times did I hear friends say "wondered when you were going to get it together.." I eventually sorted it out in Dec 2000 and have not looked back, regretted anything and enjoy wonderful times with my kids, who have all followed me in their own ways into some form of performance or creativity. My circle of friends has grown from local to global through my work as a Mother Hen/Tour Manager. I am part of a group that runs Performance showcases for amateur and working performers where I openly relate my life and experiences. I can't count the number of times people have told me how they have learnt about gender and themselves thru' meeting me and hearing about life in the 'gender shadows'.

In all my explorations of TG/TS society. Clubs, support groups etc and more recently with the arrival of the internet I have seen the recurring stereotypical

ideal of femininity that many will never achieve. Some of us are fortunate to have physiques that lend themselves to transition more easily than others. I am just over six feet tall but not too heavily built and if I stopped smoking I might actually metabolise my HRT more efficiently to create bigger tits but that's a trade-off I accept and I quite like my slender figure. After a life-long charade I decided that I was not about to take on any more artifice of implants or other cosmetic enhancements. My only draw-back (my parents having removed the male one at birth...) was that physical build, time and financial constraints obliged me to settle for a functioning clit and labia with out a woman-made vagina, but hell I would never menstruate or lubricate and I've seen enough bodily rejections causing trauma and suicides to convince me I did the right thing, FOR ME. At times I have a twinge of regret over this but it doesn't stop me from feeling more complete than I had ever done before 2000. I can come like a steam train and have had a few lovers these last few years but more importantly I know who I am and that my friends and family are genuine. I could have had plenty of men but I'm not interested, living my life as a single mature lesbian woman. My hope for all TGs MtF, FtM, whoever, is that you find your role and place in this maelstrom of life with the love and support from genuine friends and are not exploited by the mercenary or seedy characters that tend to prey on us. You can read more of my words on myspace. I am gradually building my blog there and welcome connections with y'al. Go forward with strength and dignity. Thanks to our hosts here for the opprotunity to share our lives and experiences.

Andi

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I'm so glad I happened upon this forum, and this thread in particular.. I have struggled with the same question (unsuccessfully) for years, and only recently began noticing other women voicing similar concerns.

My unconscious awareness began to form in early childhood and I finally broke through the surface in my twenties. I began HRT five years ago, finished electrolysis two years ago, and transitioned full time last January. Financial concerns prohibit GRS, although I did have orchiectomy earlier this year. I hope to visit Marcy Bowers eventually. Others say I pass very well, both with voice and presentation (this in spite of being extremely tall).

So. I've always felt unmistakeable attraction to females. My dream was and still is to find an attractive, smart, athletic woman to marry someday. I still have hope that will happen but I've also come to accept that I don't fit into an accepted biosexual dichotomy.

See I've even struggled with using the word lesbian to describe myself. Does being lesbian indicate an attraction to biology or gender or both? For many years I was led to believe lesbians were (and were attracted to) womin-born-womin only. This ugliness was put into my head by someone I was attracted to years ago.. She helped shaped my view of queerdom, not in such a good way.

Even recently a lesbian aquaintence suggested pre-op trans women not go to lesbian bars expecting to find dates. She said pre-ops weren't really welcome unless on a purely plutonic basis, and some lesbians wouldn't have anything to do with transwomen regardless of surgical status.

It's hard not to feel just a little bitter, to be perfectly honest.

But you know, I am sexually attracted to other women. Long before I transitioned an ex broke up with me because I made love like a lesbian. One of my current roommates is a handsome guy who often walks around in nothing but boxers - I feel no excitement, no stirring.. nothing.

I live and work as a woman. I make less salary than a man doing the same job. I use the women's restroom. I am expected to acquiesce in the presence of men. I don't wear stage makeup, frilly underwear and wigs.. this isn't a weekend fantasy for me. I am discriminated against because I am a woman. I am treated differently because I am a woman.

I am also lesbian. Get used to it.

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Wow, what a wonderful group of intelligent, thoughtful and attractive women on this thread! Like Sherry and Andi, I am a "late blooming" MtF, facing a number of challenges peculiar to my late start. (There isn't as much support out there for us late starters as there is for younger transpersons.) Like Tangel and Phoenix, I also am inclined to think that an MtF-FtM relationship has a lot of interesting potential, especially for a bi-woman like myself. (Still early in my transitioning, I'm not even certain of my orientation just yet, although I'm rather certain it will include women. I guess you could call me bi-curious -- or maybe just "disoriented" at the moment. ) I must confess that I am new to this site so part of my motive in posting is to get my minimum posts in, so that I can start reading profiles and learning more about fascinating people like all of you.

Love and Support to All of You,

Rachel

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I would not mind either dating some who is Male to Female or Female to Male pre or post-op. That is if they could put up with me, I am pansexual and gender fluid (mostly male feeling, though I have a soft feminine side, she keeps me out of trouble, hopefully.  )

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