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Where are the older wiser women?

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Hello everyone ... just poking around the boards to see what's going on or what's not going on. There hasn't been a post here in a while. Where have all the older wiser women gone ... acck ...reminiscent of a very old folk song huh?

At any rate I just thought I'd peek in and say hello. Anyone out there? 8)

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... you peeking ... no one wants to chat? :(

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define older and wiser. i will give you a hint, in my case, the two do not go hand in hand

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Well now you do pose a very good question ... I must admit in some ways "older & wiser" are subjective. So ... :) Do you lean more on the older side or the wiser side?

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well, i hit 37 in a month and a half. some may think that ancient while others may think i am just a pup. it matters not either way. i am very fond of good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from poor judgement. i feel i have more than my fair share of experience, but then again that was my choice at that time. in most of my circles, though, i am kind of a tribal elder/peacekeeper.

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43 here and thinking I'm a little bit wiser than I was when I was a mere pup of 20, and was trying really hard to be a (gulp) straight girl. I just joined this forum. I used to belong to a similar one that was in my State (MI). It was very active for a while, but then it became very slow and boring.

I hope I can find some good conversations to get in to.

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for the longest time my mantra was live and learn. a few things happened in my life that started me to actually question whether or not i was actually learning just because i was still living or was i just riding a wave of sheer dumb luck. someone pointed out to me that perhaps i was learning because i was sub/consciously avoiding things, events, places, people, etc that before would put me in jeopardy. still i wonder if that applies as much as i would like to think it does.

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Though again, it is entirely subjective. I am (only) 36 y/o, and have just had my one and only (naming it and claiming it), mid-life crisis this last year and a half.....and Ahhhhhh...the wisdom it brings.....(ouch-ouch-ouch!

I, too enjoy the company of older and wiser women, love the depths of their experiences and insights, enjoy the fullness of their self-hood (for lack of a better term).

I am now in the (phoenix rising from the ashes) process of embracing my own depth of self, learning who I am and taking careful consideration of who and what I want in my life these days...in Oklahoma City, OK. A time of re-visioning how I most want to spend my life, in what surroundings, etc.....

So, I feel like an innocent all over again, learning and growing every day, and yet to many who are younger, I seem to be somewhat of a sage....(certainly a compliment)

I think that is the appeal of an older woman.....and I love them. I've only had a few relationships, and was certainly most captivated by those older than me.......

Just a few rambles....I am new here and thought I would jump in and see how the water feels.....

My email is annearthchild@wmconnect.com and I would enjoy making new friends.....

Love yourself; the rest will follow.

Nature

"It is our duty - as men and women - to behave as though limits to our ability do not exist. We are co-creators of the Universe. ~Pierre Teilhard de Chardin ~~~~~The struggle of the mind to keep itself free from every sort of bondage - to remain curious, open, unsatiated in all it's relations with nature - is tenfold more difficult than the cultivation of a stable, satisfying point of view, but a thousandfold more precious. ~Gardner Murphy ~~~~~Remain open. There is something bigger than you know going on here. ~Iyanla VanZant~~~~~ Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. ~Denis Waitley"

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i just love learning just for the sake of doing so, regardless of who or how old. i prefer older and wiser as long as they are not tired of three stooges/marx brothers/bugs bunny humor. then they tend to throw me to the wolves.

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I don't think learning ever stops really. I hope it never stops, to me that would mean no new experiences and a slow death from stagnation. I have often thought "oh, to know what I know now and be 25" but in reality I don't want to go there again.

I'm happier living out my life the way I decide it should be on my canvas. So, if I have a tiny line on my face I think of it as another stroke of the brush and I try to embrace it. I'm growing more and more comfortable in my own skin ... perhaps a right of passage.

I still have connection with the girl inside of me and for this I'm grateful. I don't want to lose my youthful heart, though I welcome the experiences that keep me from repeating mistakes.

I embrace my age and getting older with as much grace as I can. The girl in me doesn't plan to grow old gracefully though, she's gonna kick and scream the whole damn way :P

Lifting my glass to all the older and wiser women and to those who know and appreciate our value.

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Hello there......I just joined this group. I guess I would be considered one of the "older" lesbians, but I'm not so sure I'm wiser. I was late coming out....I waiting until I had raised all three of my daughters. When my baby daughter drove out of my driveway heading to California with her new husband 9 yrs ago, I said to myself that I was going to run away from home and be who I needed to be. So about 2 months later I left my family, my husband, my job I had for 10 yrs, and my life as I knew it and ran to Dallas, TX to be with a woman I met online. That relationship lasted 4 yrs....then I moved to Tenn to be closer to my children. I started a new relationsip a couple of months after arriving and within 3 mos we owned a home together. If it wasn't for our home, I truly believe we wouldn't have made it to year # 5. Well, year #6 is on it's way and I found out she's cheating on me with her boss!!! Ironically she cheated on her first woman with her boss @ that time, then cheated on #2 with me...now has gone full circle.

Anyway....I hope that I'm wising up....I've been burned and hurt, but I will stand back up!

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Learning and growing are lifelong. It seems to me that the options are growing or diminishing. There doesn't seem to be a way to stand still...to say nothing of the fact that it would be booooorrrriiiiiinnng.

The older I get, the more I realize there is to learn. I enjoyed school when I was young, but I have an intensity about learning that I didn't have then. It does help that I can learn how I want, about any subjects I want to. Maybe school should be this way?

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gowing old is mandatory, maturity is optional. i really enjoy this one. so much fun

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At 53, you'd think that wisdom would be the order of the day, but noooo....

I just woke up from a five year relationship, and found out she'd taken all my money, and had kept me from my friends and family.

Maybe single is the way to go from now on.

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I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you're considering legal action to get your money back.

Staying single is one option, for those who prefer being single. What has worked better for me is learning to see what my contribution to the mess was. If I know there are aspects I can control or change, I feel powerful. If I see a situation as all something another person did to me, I feel like a victim. What I've usually found to be the case is that I didn't wake up one day to find out that I was in a relationship with a less-than-desirable person. I found that there had been many red flags from early on that could have foretold the ending, but I ignored them, because I was having fun. What's ironic is that if I had been firm about my limits from early on, the relationship might have had a chance. If not, I could have found out earlier and saved my time.

I'm not saying this would work for everyone...just what works for me. What works for others of you?

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I've been trying to do the inside work, and realize now that here were red flags that I ignored. How to break this pattern with someone new is the perplexing part. My "little girl" wants to be loved at any cost. How can I be loved, and maintain boundries?

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your little girl needs to decide what the boundaries are in advance. plain and simple. flying by the seats of our pants just invites trouble. the other thing is that after a few bad ones, we all 'know' what we don't want, but we never look at what exactly it is that we do want. boundaries are supposed to be in place beforehand. this does not mean that the boundaries have to be hard and firm, like everything in life, it depends. but prior boundaries at least give us a jumping off point and we can adjust them as needed. the last note about boundaries, they do no good when you do not enforce them. if you set them, be prepared to make them stand. like battle plans, they often fall apart during the first few minutes of engagement, but they do provide a point of reference so that all is not lost and you can always go back to them.

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Hi all,

I am posting regarding the position Iszahm now finds herself in, and the wisdoms reflected in Westy's and Ashleigh's responses. Westy and Ashleigh, you guys are soooo right on! Unfortunately, in my case, I don't really see the light, until......*shrug*, I don't know....finally I just did.....thankfully.

Oh, but if it were so easy to learn these things, and automatically live our lives, and make our choices accordingly......but no, it is such a struggle to really "get them" on a personal enough level that my behavior automatically modifies based on what I have read.....or listened to in someone elses insights........but noooooo, that isn't possible I guess, we all have to learn the hard way.

I am 37,(almost), and have just recently woken up to realize, that in spite of so much reading, and taking in of information, even being AWARE of my "little girl's needs and motivations"; I am still allowing them to control my life. Or was until recently.

I am familiar with both the victim role, and with becoming empowered. The problem is, even after years of becoming empowered, in times of stress, or crisis, my little girl still steps in, and I can fall prey to doubt, fear, and my need to feel loved.....by somebody.....anybody.....

It's a horribly alone feeling......

We all have diffferent reasons that led us to this dynamic......

For me, the bottom line was, finally, being let down enough, by enough circmustances, people, jobs, good things that can't last forever, the sun giving way to a rainy day, when I really NEEDED sunshine that day......I realized I really was looking in the wrong place for fulfillment of that deepest need of mine. Just to have something to call my own, something safe and good, and forever mine....and I can't find it out there ANYWHERE...

Well, finally, after much heartache and turmoil.....

I am realizing, it isn't "out there"....nowhere, nada.....

It is within ME!!!!! Which means I have total control of finding it, having it, keeping it.....making it what I need... rather than some feeble attempt of anything outside of me...to fill that place deep within.

We all have that place within, that cries for connection, would you agree?

And, because it within US, it is customized to be exactly what we need.

Is this making sense? We all need different things to fulfill us, but the point is the NEED is the same, it just gets fulfilled differently for each of us.

My greatest fear, has been being alone. Living alone, being single, being solely responsible for my life choices, and their rewards and consequences.....gosh, there is just so much room for error!

And when I look back and see some of my cartoonish, comical attempts at getting safety, security, and peace....damn I have to laugh.

Talk about misguided!

So, Iszahm, my challenge to you, is to ask yourself.....what am I afraid of? Dig deep. Is it of being alone? Why? What would that mean, to me, to be "alone"? What would be scary about that? And when you get that answer, go further. Why, what would THAT mean to me? You will know, when you have found the answer. The core fear you need to console, and come to terms with.

Once you pose the question, do your best to then be quiet and listen to what your heart is saying. And the guidance from within your heart will never steer you wrong.

I have been an armchair philosopher and self-help believer for many, many years....was even a telephone crisis counselor for several years, and recently realized that in my need to analysis, figure out, and finally get control of who I am.....I have never been quiet of mind enough to listen or pay attention to who I really am. And instead, have felt like a mad scientist in my lab, with a million chemistry formulas scrawled here there and everywhere,completely overwhelmed, unable to make sense of any of it anymore....just scratching my head, and thinking.."What the hell has happened here......"

After my last attempt at a relationship, I realized

that I can no longer allow myself to get involved romantically with ANYONE, until I resolve the issues within me that are leading to less than great choices, and a whole lot of turmoil.....

I have now been forced to take responsibility of my happiness every day, have no one to muddy the waters, or make clarity impossible, and have spent a phenomenal life-changing 2 yrs coming face to face with myself, just observing myself, listening to my heart, seeing curiousities that cause me to smile, or to dig even deeper in understanding what the me of me needs and wants to bew happy.

I know, that once I turn within for guidance, the universe will supply everything neccessary for the complete and fullest expression of the most boundless experience of joy in my life. It really will.

Hope it helps.....

From one seeker to another.....

Earthchild

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Nature Child, I really enjoyed your response. Wow. Would that I had been where you are when I was your age. I'm 59 now. It took me into my early 40's to get a glimmer of what you're talking about. One of the best parts for me is that once I got past my resistance to digging into things, I found self-discovery to be exciting. It isn't always fun, but it is always interesting.

Now that I've read what you wrote, I'm curious to know other ways you've come to the understanding you have. If there are others who want to talk about how they grow, I'd like to hear about it.

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I have just joined this forum and was quickly pulled to this thread. I, too, am someone who just recently came out of a very unfulfilling, almost 6 year relationship. I, too, have asked myself "why have I stayed in a situation that brought me mostly negativity?" and am still digging deep for the answers. What exactly inside of me made me tolerate all the lies and deceit that I knew were there. I have always considered myself to be very independent and able to live a happy life without being in a relationship. Why, this time, did I throw all my boundaries overboard? It will probably take me a while to figure it out, and I am hoping not to repeat the same mistakes again.

Older? Yes. Wiser? I sure hope so.

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I have just joined this forum and was quickly pulled to this thread. I, too, am someone who just recently came out of a very unfulfilling, almost 6 year relationship. I, too, have asked myself "why have I stayed in a situation that brought me mostly negativity?" and am still digging deep for the answers. What exactly inside of me made me tolerate all the lies and deceit that I knew were there. I have always considered myself to be very independent and able to live a happy life without being in a relationship. Why, this time, did I throw all my boundaries overboard? It will probably take me a while to figure it out, and I am hoping not to repeat the same mistakes again.

Older? Yes. Wiser? I sure hope so.

I am new to the forum and would like to contribute. I was in a couple of controlling relationships 7 yrs. ea. I could not even contact the friends we made when we broke up. Well, I said (pulling myself up by the belt loop), I have to start over again and the new friends that I make won't be theirs. I have also been ripped off financially and I think I would rather take the loss than see them. Thanks for letting me speak.

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Boy, I love a good conversation.......It was terrific to see the responses generated from Iszham's situation.....

Westy, Ashleigh...thank you for the pat on the back....sounds like we should all be high-fivin' around a table, or bar, proud of ourselves for the lessons we've learned the hard-way! The rest of you guys, Cs1214....no disrespect meant to any of you,......you've learned 'em the hard way too......I just meant THIS particular lesson, or so it seems.....

Actually, Iszham's topic was about her relationship and really more than anything.....I guess what I wanted to convey is that all roads will lead you back to you.....regardless the dilemma, or person that the crisis SEEMS to be about......this is what I have realized....

Your heart began whispering to you a very very long time ago...every one of you.....

Now, you may not have ever listened, or wanted to, and God KNOWS we argue back MAGNIFICENTLY when we feel the need to insist on doing things our (ego's) way.......but.....

your heart...being who you TRULY are, in all your divinity......at the heart of heart of you.......has always whispered to you........and as the decades roll by I guess your heart begins speaking louder and louder until it is a shriek, a roar, an all-consuming pounding that demands to be heard...dammit!

And from all that I observe around me.....this pretty much happens to everyone, bar none....call it mid-life crisis, call it the end of the perfect relationship that just doesn't work anymore, or the career that leaves you deadened inside after years of struggling and finally becoming successful in it....

It is what happens when the truth of your heart collides with the reality of the life you have tried to make fit for you so that you could finally have security, safety, peace of mind.....the ultimate soul-mating......whatever it is you have TOLD your heart you have needed to FINALLY be happy.....

And then you finally, finally, FINALLY HEAR it's message.

There is a unique, life-loving spirit within you that aches to live life fully........and we all do so in a multitude of ways, we all have a different passion within us that will guide us unfailingly if we can learn to trust in it....and follow where it leads......the only ingredients being courage and realizing the unknown can't possibly be more painful than where you are........what have you got to lose....

I will probably never have the financial security I long for...because I am a tree-hugging flower child....and though my ego has needed stability and a safe secure home since...uh.....my CONCEPTION.....and looking at my childhood and my parent's lives when I was a child it is crystal clear WHY it is so........

I have had oportunities to pursue things that could give it to me....and yet, my heart remained blah or depressed...yearning for ....something else....

Now, today I can tell you, that I am moving to the Eureka Springs area in NW ARkansas in the next 6 months, heeding my heart to go back to nature and the inspiring Ozark mountains there....finally arriving at a place where I TRUST my heart's voice ,otherwise known as intuition........to finally live the simple life my heart longs for MOST....,and it will not surprise me a ONE bit if I do end up with financial success in my endeavors there......creating, nature photography, writing, helping others find empowerment.....because God and his universe works that way...it works exactly that way!

I read once...follow your passion and you will be happy. It has vibrated in my head ever since.

I am abandoning the desire to strive for what my ego has said I need.......my heart has never been in it anyway....ha--ha literally and figuratively!....because.....I am tired of not being happy...and this wild goose chase has never led to it despite the myth I have chosen to believe somewhere along the way that said it would.....

I now know where my pot of gold is.....the map was in my heart the WHOLE TIME!

WOW!

I would love to hear more from you guys about your experiences..........

From my heart to yours,

Nature

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I was tired of being used for sex so i have stayed celibate since 98.Yes i am alone but i haven't hurt since then. I also know not to get all hyped up on someone after just meeting them. I also put them to the test to be sure where they are coming from. No more giving without getting. Yea alone isn't cool but hurting is worse. Whats more important? Being with somone or not getting hurt? I'll take not getting hurt any day.

I now ask if they are seeing anyone or communicating with anyone or thinking about anyone and if they can't give me 100% then i say go play and get back to me when your done playing. That usually shows their true spirit.

I have to say most people who haven't spent any length of time alone are jumping from person to person. They could be the person doing the using another and another etc etc etc or they could be the person being used by another and another etc etc etc.

I seek someone who has spent a few years alone and single and has survived and knows what they want and won't let themselves get mislead by the heat of passion.

It takes interest in things each other appreciates. it takes drilling the other person kinda like i would guess Eharmony does with a long drawn out questioneer.

Lesbotronic does have a long drawn out questioneer.

love grows with those who know that it doesn't start with the heat of passion. There are many daily things we do and if we don't click there something started on the heat of passion is only a hit or miss chance for love.

Here is my ad which gives you an idea what someone who has gotten a chance to know themselves.

AD BELOW:::

I live in humboldt county Calif. 200 miles north of san francisco. We have the tallest redwood trees in the world. I love to garden. here is an old picture of mine. I presently take care of an 83 yr old woman. Her daughter has allowed me to turn her moms 8 acres into a farm with over 35 fruit trees and another 100 berry bushes. I also have veggies. http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/gardencapa0/my_garden/ the pics are from last yr. When Joan passes i will be the future gardener caretaker. I love to work. I love the woods. I love gardening. What is happening there? oh here is a few pics of me.

Oh I am Danielle a 7 yr post op. http://hometown.aol.com/danielegrl/myhomepage/daniellenew.jpg <<< me in 2003

http://texas.mygaydar.com/photos/secondary/danielegrl264.jpg <<< me is 2000

http://www.laspilitas.com/comhabit/California_Redwood_Forest.html <<<< where i live in california redwood forest which is basically hippyland USA..

Get back to me If you want to know me more... bye Danielle

PS: I am allowed to have a soulmate stay here with me. If you love having home grown veggies and fruits and love the tall trees and cool summer nights and hot summer days and it never freezes here in the winter time and i have citrus and many other exotic plants then you would love it here..Joans daughters have their own 80 acres and 50 acres nearby but not so close as to get visits but maybe once a week. Life is good and oh i am also a womyn who needs the love of another womyn to make me function initmately. I always say if the light doesn't go on upstairs it surely won't go on downstairs. :) So i hope we can get to know one and firstly become friends. There are also many many job around here if you seek one..this area is full of hppies from the 60's who grow pot and they don't want to work in town. The businesses in town are dying for workers.. ok enough for now and even if you are not intersted in me i still may be able to help you relocate to here but i do live and work stealth. Oh yes i have been celibate since 98 when i had SRS because i just never found someone who wanted me for love versus just wanting me for sex.. there are wayyyyyyyyy too many of those girls.. ewwwww

AD ABOVE:::

Now here above you see how i have made clear my views.. I have put up the walls to my personal home and realm i can accept in another.

I live in N. Ca and i can't move so they have to move here.. I won't leave joan who i take care of until she dies.

I won't have sex until i know its true love. (i have waited 8 yrs so far)

I love to garden and grow things and if she is a lazy slob well then forget even getting started. ( I talk about lots of gardening which is work. ) (however, if the person is disabled i can over look that as i say i can help another)

The light better click upstairs if she expects me to function intimately too :) That means we better know its forever or forget it..( i hate the pain of a breakup..)

I am also not into making BIG BUCKS as in growing pot like many around here.. life is more than $$$$ and things...

I am a helping person but not a fool to be used.. I will help most people but i will get rid of lazy slobs real quick.. ( I offer to help them get work in my ad)

Anyway i am tired of making ads that don't share my true ideolgies. I use to get lots of responces which all never amounted to a hill of beans.. These days the responces are few and far between but they are truer to my feelings too. :)

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I just joined this forum and would love to meet some older and wiser women. I am 62. Just back from Old Lesbians Organizing for Change gathering and that was really something.

Charlotte

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something i ran across (or was that over?) is good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from poor judgement. of course there are some experiences that i would give anything to have not gone through. kinda like the only kindness for an immortal would be alzheimer's.

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