Jump to content

Where are the older wiser women?

47 replies to this topic


  • Members
  • 10 posts
I don't think learning ever stops really. I hope it never stops, to me that would mean no new experiences and a slow death from stagnation. I have often thought "oh, to know what I know now and be 25" but in reality I don't want to go there again.
I'm happier living out my life the way I decide it should be on my canvas. So, if I have a tiny line on my face I think of it as another stroke of the brush and I try to embrace it. I'm growing more and more comfortable in my own skin ... perhaps a right of passage.
I still have connection with the girl inside of me and for this I'm grateful. I don't want to lose my youthful heart, though I welcome the experiences that keep me from repeating mistakes.
I embrace my age and getting older with as much grace as I can. The girl in me doesn't plan to grow old gracefully though, she's gonna kick and scream the whole damn way :P

Lifting my glass to all the older and wiser women and to those who know and appreciate our value.
She asked, "What is your greatest fear?"
I answered, "To live a life without passion."


  • Members
  • 1 posts
i an new here, a Chinese professional in her early 50's


  • Members
  • 1 posts
Hello there......I just joined this group. I guess I would be considered one of the "older" lesbians, but I'm not so sure I'm wiser. I was late coming out....I waiting until I had raised all three of my daughters. When my baby daughter drove out of my driveway heading to California with her new husband 9 yrs ago, I said to myself that I was going to run away from home and be who I needed to be. So about 2 months later I left my family, my husband, my job I had for 10 yrs, and my life as I knew it and ran to Dallas, TX to be with a woman I met online. That relationship lasted 4 yrs....then I moved to Tenn to be closer to my children. I started a new relationsip a couple of months after arriving and within 3 mos we owned a home together. If it wasn't for our home, I truly believe we wouldn't have made it to year # 5. Well, year #6 is on it's way and I found out she's cheating on me with her boss!!! Ironically she cheated on her first woman with her boss @ that time, then cheated on #2 with me...now has gone full circle.

Anyway....I hope that I'm wising up....I've been burned and hurt, but I will stand back up!


  • Guests
  • 10 posts
Learning and growing are lifelong. It seems to me that the options are growing or diminishing. There doesn't seem to be a way to stand still...to say nothing of the fact that it would be booooorrrriiiiiinnng.

The older I get, the more I realize there is to learn. I enjoyed school when I was young, but I have an intensity about learning that I didn't have then. It does help that I can learn how I want, about any subjects I want to. Maybe school should be this way?


  • Posting Members (3 or more)
  • 201 posts
gowing old is mandatory, maturity is optional. i really enjoy this one. so much fun


  • Members
  • 2 posts
At 53, you'd think that wisdom would be the order of the day, but noooo....
I just woke up from a five year relationship, and found out she'd taken all my money, and had kept me from my friends and family.
Maybe single is the way to go from now on.


  • Guests
  • 10 posts
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you're considering legal action to get your money back.

Staying single is one option, for those who prefer being single. What has worked better for me is learning to see what my contribution to the mess was. If I know there are aspects I can control or change, I feel powerful. If I see a situation as all something another person did to me, I feel like a victim. What I've usually found to be the case is that I didn't wake up one day to find out that I was in a relationship with a less-than-desirable person. I found that there had been many red flags from early on that could have foretold the ending, but I ignored them, because I was having fun. What's ironic is that if I had been firm about my limits from early on, the relationship might have had a chance. If not, I could have found out earlier and saved my time.

I'm not saying this would work for everyone...just what works for me. What works for others of you?


  • Members
  • 2 posts
I've been trying to do the inside work, and realize now that here were red flags that I ignored. How to break this pattern with someone new is the perplexing part. My "little girl" wants to be loved at any cost. How can I be loved, and maintain boundries?


  • Posting Members (3 or more)
  • 201 posts
your little girl needs to decide what the boundaries are in advance. plain and simple. flying by the seats of our pants just invites trouble. the other thing is that after a few bad ones, we all 'know' what we don't want, but we never look at what exactly it is that we do want. boundaries are supposed to be in place beforehand. this does not mean that the boundaries have to be hard and firm, like everything in life, it depends. but prior boundaries at least give us a jumping off point and we can adjust them as needed. the last note about boundaries, they do no good when you do not enforce them. if you set them, be prepared to make them stand. like battle plans, they often fall apart during the first few minutes of engagement, but they do provide a point of reference so that all is not lost and you can always go back to them.


  • Members
  • 8 posts
Hi all,
I am posting regarding the position Iszahm now finds herself in, and the wisdoms reflected in Westy's and Ashleigh's responses. Westy and Ashleigh, you guys are soooo right on! Unfortunately, in my case, I don't really see the light, until......*shrug*, I don't know....finally I just did.....thankfully.
Oh, but if it were so easy to learn these things, and automatically live our lives, and make our choices accordingly......but no, it is such a struggle to really "get them" on a personal enough level that my behavior automatically modifies based on what I have read.....or listened to in someone elses insights........but noooooo, that isn't possible I guess, we all have to learn the hard way.

I am 37,(almost), and have just recently woken up to realize, that in spite of so much reading, and taking in of information, even being AWARE of my "little girl's needs and motivations"; I am still allowing them to control my life. Or was until recently.

I am familiar with both the victim role, and with becoming empowered. The problem is, even after years of becoming empowered, in times of stress, or crisis, my little girl still steps in, and I can fall prey to doubt, fear, and my need to feel loved.....by somebody.....anybody.....
It's a horribly alone feeling......

We all have diffferent reasons that led us to this dynamic......
For me, the bottom line was, finally, being let down enough, by enough circmustances, people, jobs, good things that can't last forever, the sun giving way to a rainy day, when I really NEEDED sunshine that day......I realized I really was looking in the wrong place for fulfillment of that deepest need of mine. Just to have something to call my own, something safe and good, and forever mine....and I can't find it out there ANYWHERE...

Well, finally, after much heartache and turmoil.....
I am realizing, it isn't "out there"....nowhere, nada.....

It is within ME!!!!! Which means I have total control of finding it, having it, keeping it.....making it what I need... rather than some feeble attempt of anything outside of me...to fill that place deep within.

We all have that place within, that cries for connection, would you agree?

And, because it within US, it is customized to be exactly what we need.
Is this making sense? We all need different things to fulfill us, but the point is the NEED is the same, it just gets fulfilled differently for each of us.

My greatest fear, has been being alone. Living alone, being single, being solely responsible for my life choices, and their rewards and consequences.....gosh, there is just so much room for error!

And when I look back and see some of my cartoonish, comical attempts at getting safety, security, and peace....damn I have to laugh.

Talk about misguided!

So, Iszahm, my challenge to you, is to ask yourself.....what am I afraid of? Dig deep. Is it of being alone? Why? What would that mean, to me, to be "alone"? What would be scary about that? And when you get that answer, go further. Why, what would THAT mean to me? You will know, when you have found the answer. The core fear you need to console, and come to terms with.

Once you pose the question, do your best to then be quiet and listen to what your heart is saying. And the guidance from within your heart will never steer you wrong.

I have been an armchair philosopher and self-help believer for many, many years....was even a telephone crisis counselor for several years, and recently realized that in my need to analysis, figure out, and finally get control of who I am.....I have never been quiet of mind enough to listen or pay attention to who I really am. And instead, have felt like a mad scientist in my lab, with a million chemistry formulas scrawled here there and everywhere,completely overwhelmed, unable to make sense of any of it anymore....just scratching my head, and thinking.."What the hell has happened here......"

After my last attempt at a relationship, I realized
that I can no longer allow myself to get involved romantically with ANYONE, until I resolve the issues within me that are leading to less than great choices, and a whole lot of turmoil.....

I have now been forced to take responsibility of my happiness every day, have no one to muddy the waters, or make clarity impossible, and have spent a phenomenal life-changing 2 yrs coming face to face with myself, just observing myself, listening to my heart, seeing curiousities that cause me to smile, or to dig even deeper in understanding what the me of me needs and wants to bew happy.

I know, that once I turn within for guidance, the universe will supply everything neccessary for the complete and fullest expression of the most boundless experience of joy in my life. It really will.
Hope it helps.....
From one seeker to another.....

Remain open. There is something bigger than you know going on here. ~Iyanla VanZant~~~~~

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users