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Where are the older wiser women?

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Nature Child, I really enjoyed your response. Wow. Would that I had been where you are when I was your age. I'm 59 now. It took me into my early 40's to get a glimmer of what you're talking about. One of the best parts for me is that once I got past my resistance to digging into things, I found self-discovery to be exciting. It isn't always fun, but it is always interesting.

Now that I've read what you wrote, I'm curious to know other ways you've come to the understanding you have. If there are others who want to talk about how they grow, I'd like to hear about it.


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I have just joined this forum and was quickly pulled to this thread. I, too, am someone who just recently came out of a very unfulfilling, almost 6 year relationship. I, too, have asked myself "why have I stayed in a situation that brought me mostly negativity?" and am still digging deep for the answers. What exactly inside of me made me tolerate all the lies and deceit that I knew were there. I have always considered myself to be very independent and able to live a happy life without being in a relationship. Why, this time, did I throw all my boundaries overboard? It will probably take me a while to figure it out, and I am hoping not to repeat the same mistakes again.

Older? Yes. Wiser? I sure hope so.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."


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I have just joined this forum and was quickly pulled to this thread. I, too, am someone who just recently came out of a very unfulfilling, almost 6 year relationship. I, too, have asked myself "why have I stayed in a situation that brought me mostly negativity?" and am still digging deep for the answers. What exactly inside of me made me tolerate all the lies and deceit that I knew were there. I have always considered myself to be very independent and able to live a happy life without being in a relationship. Why, this time, did I throw all my boundaries overboard? It will probably take me a while to figure it out, and I am hoping not to repeat the same mistakes again.

Older? Yes. Wiser? I sure hope so.

I am new to the forum and would like to contribute. I was in a couple of controlling relationships 7 yrs. ea. I could not even contact the friends we made when we broke up. Well, I said (pulling myself up by the belt loop), I have to start over again and the new friends that I make won't be theirs. I have also been ripped off financially and I think I would rather take the loss than see them. Thanks for letting me speak.


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Boy, I love a good conversation.......It was terrific to see the responses generated from Iszham's situation.....
Westy, Ashleigh...thank you for the pat on the back....sounds like we should all be high-fivin' around a table, or bar, proud of ourselves for the lessons we've learned the hard-way! The rest of you guys, Cs1214....no disrespect meant to any of you,......you've learned 'em the hard way too......I just meant THIS particular lesson, or so it seems.....

Actually, Iszham's topic was about her relationship and really more than anything.....I guess what I wanted to convey is that all roads will lead you back to you.....regardless the dilemma, or person that the crisis SEEMS to be about......this is what I have realized....
Your heart began whispering to you a very very long time ago...every one of you.....
Now, you may not have ever listened, or wanted to, and God KNOWS we argue back MAGNIFICENTLY when we feel the need to insist on doing things our (ego's) way.......but.....
your heart...being who you TRULY are, in all your divinity......at the heart of heart of you.......has always whispered to you........and as the decades roll by I guess your heart begins speaking louder and louder until it is a shriek, a roar, an all-consuming pounding that demands to be heard...dammit!

And from all that I observe around me.....this pretty much happens to everyone, bar none....call it mid-life crisis, call it the end of the perfect relationship that just doesn't work anymore, or the career that leaves you deadened inside after years of struggling and finally becoming successful in it....

It is what happens when the truth of your heart collides with the reality of the life you have tried to make fit for you so that you could finally have security, safety, peace of mind.....the ultimate soul-mating......whatever it is you have TOLD your heart you have needed to FINALLY be happy.....

And then you finally, finally, FINALLY HEAR it's message.

There is a unique, life-loving spirit within you that aches to live life fully........and we all do so in a multitude of ways, we all have a different passion within us that will guide us unfailingly if we can learn to trust in it....and follow where it leads......the only ingredients being courage and realizing the unknown can't possibly be more painful than where you are........what have you got to lose....

I will probably never have the financial security I long for...because I am a tree-hugging flower child....and though my ego has needed stability and a safe secure home since...uh.....my CONCEPTION.....and looking at my childhood and my parent's lives when I was a child it is crystal clear WHY it is so........

I have had oportunities to pursue things that could give it to me....and yet, my heart remained blah or depressed...yearning for ....something else....

Now, today I can tell you, that I am moving to the Eureka Springs area in NW ARkansas in the next 6 months, heeding my heart to go back to nature and the inspiring Ozark mountains there....finally arriving at a place where I TRUST my heart's voice ,otherwise known as intuition........to finally live the simple life my heart longs for MOST....,and it will not surprise me a ONE bit if I do end up with financial success in my endeavors there......creating, nature photography, writing, helping others find empowerment.....because God and his universe works that way...it works exactly that way!

I read once...follow your passion and you will be happy. It has vibrated in my head ever since.

I am abandoning the desire to strive for what my ego has said I need.......my heart has never been in it anyway....ha--ha literally and figuratively!....because.....I am tired of not being happy...and this wild goose chase has never led to it despite the myth I have chosen to believe somewhere along the way that said it would.....

I now know where my pot of gold is.....the map was in my heart the WHOLE TIME!
I would love to hear more from you guys about your experiences..........

From my heart to yours,
Remain open. There is something bigger than you know going on here. ~Iyanla VanZant~~~~~


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I was tired of being used for sex so i have stayed celibate since 98.Yes i am alone but i haven't hurt since then. I also know not to get all hyped up on someone after just meeting them. I also put them to the test to be sure where they are coming from. No more giving without getting. Yea alone isn't cool but hurting is worse. Whats more important? Being with somone or not getting hurt? I'll take not getting hurt any day.
I now ask if they are seeing anyone or communicating with anyone or thinking about anyone and if they can't give me 100% then i say go play and get back to me when your done playing. That usually shows their true spirit.
I have to say most people who haven't spent any length of time alone are jumping from person to person. They could be the person doing the using another and another etc etc etc or they could be the person being used by another and another etc etc etc.

I seek someone who has spent a few years alone and single and has survived and knows what they want and won't let themselves get mislead by the heat of passion.

It takes interest in things each other appreciates. it takes drilling the other person kinda like i would guess Eharmony does with a long drawn out questioneer.

Lesbotronic does have a long drawn out questioneer.

love grows with those who know that it doesn't start with the heat of passion. There are many daily things we do and if we don't click there something started on the heat of passion is only a hit or miss chance for love.

Here is my ad which gives you an idea what someone who has gotten a chance to know themselves.


I live in humboldt county Calif. 200 miles north of san francisco. We have the tallest redwood trees in the world. I love to garden. here is an old picture of mine. I presently take care of an 83 yr old woman. Her daughter has allowed me to turn her moms 8 acres into a farm with over 35 fruit trees and another 100 berry bushes. I also have veggies. http://www.angelfire...apa0/my_garden/ the pics are from last yr. When Joan passes i will be the future gardener caretaker. I love to work. I love the woods. I love gardening. What is happening there? oh here is a few pics of me.

Oh I am Danielle a 7 yr post op. http://hometown.aol....daniellenew.jpg <<< me in 2003
http://texas.mygayda...nielegrl264.jpg <<< me is 2000
http://www.laspilita...ood_Forest.html <<<< where i live in california redwood forest which is basically hippyland USA..

Get back to me If you want to know me more... bye Danielle

PS: I am allowed to have a soulmate stay here with me. If you love having home grown veggies and fruits and love the tall trees and cool summer nights and hot summer days and it never freezes here in the winter time and i have citrus and many other exotic plants then you would love it here..Joans daughters have their own 80 acres and 50 acres nearby but not so close as to get visits but maybe once a week. Life is good and oh i am also a womyn who needs the love of another womyn to make me function initmately. I always say if the light doesn't go on upstairs it surely won't go on downstairs. :) So i hope we can get to know one and firstly become friends. There are also many many job around here if you seek one..this area is full of hppies from the 60's who grow pot and they don't want to work in town. The businesses in town are dying for workers.. ok enough for now and even if you are not intersted in me i still may be able to help you relocate to here but i do live and work stealth. Oh yes i have been celibate since 98 when i had SRS because i just never found someone who wanted me for love versus just wanting me for sex.. there are wayyyyyyyyy too many of those girls.. ewwwww


Now here above you see how i have made clear my views.. I have put up the walls to my personal home and realm i can accept in another.

I live in N. Ca and i can't move so they have to move here.. I won't leave joan who i take care of until she dies.

I won't have sex until i know its true love. (i have waited 8 yrs so far)

I love to garden and grow things and if she is a lazy slob well then forget even getting started. ( I talk about lots of gardening which is work. ) (however, if the person is disabled i can over look that as i say i can help another)

The light better click upstairs if she expects me to function intimately too :) That means we better know its forever or forget it..( i hate the pain of a breakup..)

I am also not into making BIG BUCKS as in growing pot like many around here.. life is more than $$$$ and things...

I am a helping person but not a fool to be used.. I will help most people but i will get rid of lazy slobs real quick.. ( I offer to help them get work in my ad)

Anyway i am tired of making ads that don't share my true ideolgies. I use to get lots of responces which all never amounted to a hill of beans.. These days the responces are few and far between but they are truer to my feelings too. :)


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I just joined this forum and would love to meet some older and wiser women. I am 62. Just back from Old Lesbians Organizing for Change gathering and that was really something.



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something i ran across (or was that over?) is good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from poor judgement. of course there are some experiences that i would give anything to have not gone through. kinda like the only kindness for an immortal would be alzheimer's.


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Just so this forum. So here I am, older and wiser. I know people say age is nothing but a number but I find that for me, it is more than a number. It's a reality. Just as there are young people who are well on the road to wisdom, there are older people who still don't have a clue. I keep running into them. Life is a lesson. Beyond the age of 50, one should have a phD. It has nothing to do with how smart you are. It has to do with getting intouch with your own humanity. The important lessons seem to be ignored, i.e., do not be cruel to others simply because others have been cruel to you; if you don't like the horrible depressing feelings when someone lies or plays you, don't lie, don't play others. Find the courage to be honest. That's my take on it. Frankly I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than to be with another person who cannot be honest, fair, kind and considerate. That's my take on it. What say you?



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Wow i guess i am in this category, yikes.
I am 41 and unfortunately have to act my age at work, but play like i am 25. 8)
i still play sports, ride my motorcycle, go boating, go sledding with my 9 yr old nephew and whatever else he wants to drag me into!
i still go tailgate at the KSU football games, hit concerts with my college step-daughter and do whatever hits my mood regardless of age.
would i go back to being 25? some days yes, but mostly no. i like 41 and all that has come with it except the parts that want to break down on me occasionally, ha.
this age thing has prevented me from putting my pic on this site! if anyone knows how to shrink a pic let me know. the one i tried to use worked fine on my myspace profile, but here they say the KB are too big. any ideas? :shock:


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I am older ahhhh yes and so much wiser now .But dont act or look my age I was just 54 OUCH that hurt to say!!!! lol I look 43 and act well...... depends on the day. I was in a 14 yr relationship and shes 16 yrs younger than me,I do like younger woman but boy they seem REALLY young here.And to all u younger Ladies we older women have alot to offer *wink

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